Billy Crystal: It was 13 years ago when I first hosted the Academy Awards, and things sure have changed since then. George Bush was President, the economy was tanking, and we had just finished a war with Iraq. Yeah, things really have changed.
Andrew Stanton: ...and to my wife, Julie, I wrote it in a note to you in the 8th grade, now I'm saying it in front of 1 billion people. I love you.
Billy Crystal: I voted for 'Seabiscuit' (for Best Costume Design). That's the most realistic horse costume I've ever seen.
Billy Crystal: All of the hobbits' wardrobe is now for sale at The House of DeVito, if anyone is interested.
Billy Crystal: It's now official. There is no one left to thank in New Zealand.
Robin Williams: [grabs Billy Crystal's hand] Hey, look at us. A San Francisco wedding cake.
Sandra Bullock: John, do you know which was the first movie to feature sound?
John Travolta: It was Al Jolson's "The Jazz Singer" in 1927. First movie to feature sound and dialogue.
Sandra Bullock: And how do you know that?
John Travolta: Well, you would also know, if you had come to the rehearsal.
Barrie Osborne: I started my career 35 years ago, getting people coffee. I'm pretty sure the fact that I dated Billy Crystal's cousin has nothing to do with this.
Billy Crystal: Do you know that people are now moving to New Zealand just to be thanked?
Billy Crystal: ...and when I say funny, I mean threatening to my career.
Billy Crystal: Our next presenter (Charlize Theron) is nominated for her role of a hiking, serial killing prostitute. Great, just what we need.
Denise Robert: [after getting an award for Best Foreign Language Film] We're so thankful that The Lord of The Rings did not qualify in this category.
Francis Ford Coppola: Sofia, I always wanted you to be part of the family business.
Billy Crystal: Good news, they found Nemo. The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck's puff pastries.
Billy Crystal: The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
Billy Crystal: Now that everyone in New Zealand has been thanked, I'd like to thank everyone on Long Island.
Billy Crystal: ["reading" Sean Connery's mind] Pussy Galore? I just got it! That's vulgar!
Billy Crystal: And there's Johnny Depp, the sexiest man alive. Did I just say that out loud? You know Johnny's nominated for playing Jack Valenti's worst nightmare - a slightly gay pirate.
Gandalf the White: All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you.
Billy Crystal: And this from a guy in a nine-hour movie.
Billy Crystal: [reading Julia Roberts' Mind] Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm rich.
Billy Crystal: [reading Oprah Winfrey's Mind] You wanna talk about rich honey?

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