Memorable quotes for
"Last Comic Standing" (2003) More at IMDbPro »

Gary Gulman: I went to Boston College. It's a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.

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Gary Gulman: You know what, this is below me.
Ant: At 6'6" everything's below you.

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Jay Mohr: When we come back we'll find out who is going to be performing first in the head-to-head.
[beat]
Jay Mohr: Who are we kidding? It's Gary Gulman!

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Bonnie McFarlane: I get called "sweetheart" a lot by guys. You know a lot of women take offense at that, but when you've been called "c*nt" enough times, it kind of takes the sting out of "sweetheart".

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Tammy Pescatelli: Hi, my names Tammy Pescatelli. Yeah, that's a Sicilian name, not all of us are in the mob. Some of us are in the witness protection program. Some of us are dead. Some of us are retired. I called my dad, I said dad I shot a pilot. He said hey, not over the phone. No, pops, a T.V. pilot. I don't care what airline he was from, I'm not going down just 'cause you get sloppy, go call me from a pay phone.

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Gary Gulman: Oreo, have you been reading my diary? Because this has been a fantasy of mine for some time.

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Gary Gulman: Look down the aisle, sugar cookie. Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker

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John Heffron: I'd ask about the middle kids but nobody cared about you anyway.

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John Heffron: "Dur, dur, dur" Not so !@#$!%& funny now, is it?

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Jay Mohr: I'm Ryan Seacrest.

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Gary Gulman: Oops, kids. I fell.

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Gary Gulman: [dressed as a mouse, trying to amuse little kids] Do you know my brother, Chuck E. Cheese?

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Jay Mohr: [as bird] How did I get hit?

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Ralphie May: Man, I've got forty pounds of underwear!

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Cory: I think the cowboy would be more comfortable if he had the construction worker and the Indian chief with him!

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[Talking about Dat Phan]
Rich Vos: He's just someone you wouldn't want to clone.

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[about Dat's journal]
Dave Mordal: That's the kind of thing that if you found in a bus station, the FBI would have to be notified.

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Ralphie May: [about Sean Kent in the first elimination round] I'm still trying to decide if he's a punk-ass bitch, or a bitch-ass punk.

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