Up Your Alley (1971)

Director:

Art Lieberman

Release Date:

4 August 1971 (USA)

Genre:

Comedy

Tagline:

The All-Out Sex Comedy Riot!

Plot Keywords:

Sex | Heist | Crime | Diamond | Moped

Cast

Cheri Caffaro	...	Flapper
Frank Corsentino	...	Seymour
Uschi Digard	...	Nurse
Michael Finn
Haji	...	Maria Manina
Terri Johnson
Charles Knatt
Marius Mazmanian
Gordon McGill
Lee McLaughlin

Also Known As:

Bang Bang, the Mafia Gang (USA)
Sex or Bust (USA) (reissue title)
The Melon Affair (USA) (reissue title)

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1

Sound Mix:

Mono

Certification:

USA:X (original rating) (self applied) | USA:R

Movie Connections:

Featured in Twisted Sex Vol. 21 (2002) (V)

Wacky, mad but good busty fun.

OK, so the acting is hardly up for Oscar nomination, and this film does seem to have become lost in the mists of time. However, the early appearance of Uschi Digard as the nurse in Seymour's (the main character around which the film revolves) fantasy is a sight for sore eyes. I can still remember the sharp intakes of breath in a local cinema where I first saw this film (under the title "Sex or Bust"), as Uschi, having buried Seymour's face in her magnificent big bosoms, retracts them for all to see. She does this two or three times, to one's undying pleasure.

Uschi is far and away the bustiest girl in the film, which involves Seymour becoming involved in a Sicilian diamond heist, taking over as the Godfather figure who dies of a sudden heart attack. Up till that point, he had worked for seven years in a dead-end job in the catering industry, as a mail clerk! The busty Haji (of Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill!), known as Maria Manina, is the central character behind the plot to seize the diamonds. She takes Seymour under her wing because she loved the way he looked after everyone at a special party/orgy thrown by her and she uses him for her intention to get her hands on the valuable diamonds that she is planning to seize. She also makes sure that Seymour loses his virginity so that he can attend to two young virgins (!) provided for his pleasure by the Mafia Gang, who are unaware that the actual Godfather figure is dead - one of the virgins being Uschi!! It all turns out happily in the end, and Seymour and Maria ride off into the sunset on a stolen motorscooter.

This is a completely mad film, but enjoyable in a crazy kind of way, and especially if you like big bosoms. Have fun!!