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Phil Davis: When what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting, whatever it is you've got left.
Bob Wallace: When I figure out what that means I'll come up with a crushing reply.
Bob Wallace: How do you do?
Doris: Mutual, I'm sure.
Phil Davis: How can a guy *that* ugly have the nerve to have sisters?
Bob Wallace: Very brave parents.
Bob Wallace: Oh, Phil, when are you going to learn that girls like that are a dime a dozen?
Phil Davis: Please, don't quote me the price when I haven't got the time.
Bob Wallace: You don't expect me to get serious with the kind of characters you and Rita have been throwing at me, do you?
Phil Davis: Well, there have been some nice girls, too, you know.
Bob Wallace: Oh yeah, yeah. Like that nuclear scientist we just met out in the hall.
Phil Davis: All right, they didn't go to college. They didn't go to Smith.
Bob Wallace: Go to Smith? She couldn't even spell it.
Phil Davis: Give me one reason, one good reason, why we should spend our last two hours in Florida looking at the sisters of Freckle-Face Haynes, the dog-faced boy.
Bob Wallace: Let's just say we're doing it for an old pal in the army.
Phil Davis: Well, it's not good, but it's a reason.
[
to the Haynes sisters]
Phil Davis: Mr. Wallace was just saying how remarkable it was that Benny Haynes' sisters should have eyes...
[
voice cracks]
Phil Davis: ...I mean, blue eyes. That is eyes...
Bob Wallace: Nice out.
Bob Wallace: Miss Haynes, if you're ever under a falling building and someone offers to pick you up and carry you to safety, don't think, don't pause, don't hesitate for a moment, just spit in his eye.
Betty Haynes: What did that mean?
Bob Wallace: It means we're going to Vermont.
Phil Davis: How much is "wow"?
Bob Wallace: It's right in between, uh, "ouch" and "boing".
Phil Davis: Wow!
Bob Wallace: [
into his water glass] Pushing, pushing.
Phil Davis: [
after performing "Sisters"] Hey, we're a smash let's take a bow!
Bob Wallace: We'll take a bow down to the jail house!
Phil Davis: [
about Bob's idea to help the General] I think it's ridiculous, impossible, and insane!
Bob Wallace: Anything else?
Phil Davis: Yes, I wish I'd thought of it first.
Ex-Soldier: [
attempting to button his uniform pants] Captain, these things have shrunked!
Bob Wallace: Well, your appetite hasn't shrunk.
Phil Davis: Oh,I hope I can take back the electric blanket back.
Bob Wallace: Where's that?
Phil Davis: Under the underwear.
Bob Wallace: We ate, and then he ate. We slept and then he slept.
Phil Davis: Yeah, then he woke up and nobody slept for forty-eight hours.
Phil Davis: [
Buying train tickets] Uh, I don't seem to have any cash.
Bob Wallace: Where'd you leave that? In your snood?
Bob Wallace: [
Regarding Phil] I don't know what you see in this tall drink of charged water, but after you get to know him he's almost endurable.
Bob Wallace: [
to Judy] You're lucky! You might have been stuck with this weirdsmobile for life!
Betty Haynes: Mr. Bones? Mr. Bones? How do you feel, Mr. Bones?
Phil Davis: Rattlin'!
Betty Haynes: Mr. Bones feels rattlin'. Ha ha. That's a good one. Tell a little story, Mr. Bones.
Bob Wallace: A funny little story, Mr. Bones!
Phil Davis: How do you stop an angry dog from biting you on Monday?
Betty Haynes: That joke is old. The answer is to kill the dog on Sunday!
Phil Davis: That's not how you stop a dog from biting you on Monday!
Betty Haynes: How do you bring a thing about?
Phil Davis: Have the doggy's teeth pulled out!
Betty Haynes: Oh, Mr. Bones, that's terrible!
Phil Davis: Uh-huh.
Betty Haynes,
Bob Wallace: Yes, Mr. Bones, that's terrible!
Phil Davis: Uh-huh.
Bob Wallace: I have a feeling I'm not going to like this.
Phil Davis: I have a feeling you're gonna hate it.
Bob Wallace: Then why should I do it.
Phil Davis: Let's just say we're doing it for an old
Bob Wallace,
Phil Davis: pal in the army... yeah
[
after Bob has found out about Phil and Judy's phony engagement]
Judy Haynes: It's just that she's always been something of a mother hen.
Phil Davis: Yeah, and we wanted Mother Hen to leave the nest so that Little Chick could... I guess we laid an egg.
Bob Wallace: An egg? Brother, you laid a Vermont volleyball!
Bob Wallace: Hey, Davis! How you feelin'?
Phil Davis: Pretty good, Captain.
Bob Wallace: Just dropped by to thank you for saving my life.
Phil Davis: Well, uh, it was a life worth saving.
Betty Haynes: Look who's talking about guilt!
Bob Wallace: What do you mean by that?
Betty Haynes: I mean you shouldn't mix fairy tales with liverwurst and buttermilk.
Bob Wallace: What did you have for lunch today?
Betty Haynes: I didn't have lunch.
Bob Wallace: Maybe you ought to eat some.
Bob Wallace: You ought to be horsewhipped. First you, then you, and then you again.
Phil Davis: [
Looking at Judy; to Bob] Hey, how about those big brown eyes?
Bob Wallace: [
Looking at Betty] No, they're blue.
Phil Davis: [
Still looking at Judy] Brown.
Bob Wallace: [
Still looking at Betty] Uh-uh, blue.
Phil Davis: [
Follows Bob's gaze and sees Betty] Oh, yeah. *Deep* blue.