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Dr. Camille Saroyan (Character)
from "Bones" (2005)

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"Bones: The Doctor in the Den (#4.17)" (2009)

Angela Montenegro: [Identifying the victim] Sad huh? He's handsome. He's hot really.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: All right, that's enough Angela.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [pause everyone looks strangely at Cam] Are you all right Dr. Saroyan?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: ...No. I knew Dr. Weston. We lived together for two years.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's been ten years, people move on. I mean, it's just a relationship that didn't work out.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a family, Seely. *Family* that didn't work out.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: We know people through our feelings, Dr. Breenan. You trust Booth because of what you feel.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I trust Booth because of past actions.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And faith in the future. I'm sorry but feelings are important, even to you.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I thought you would be with Booth.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Questioning people really isn't my thing. Most of the time I just wanna beat them until they tell me what I want to hear.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know it gets frustrating. And hitting can often be quite effective.
Dr. Clark Edison: And you both work for the Justice Department?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes.
Dr. Clark Edison: Ironic.

Angela Montenegro: Well there you go. He was playing the field and someone probably nicked him for it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How do you know?
Angela Montenegro: Because despite the fact that I would love to have my legs wrapped around one right now, men are awful.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Hodgins enters] Hey.
[the women glare at him]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Whoa. What'd I do?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You're a man.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: After your mother. I don't think your father could commit like that again. And that wasn't something I could live with.
Michelle Weston: Maybe because he knew that you weren't good enough. Maybe he was waiting for the right one.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Are you aware that lionesses do all the hunting?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes, and the males simply populate and eat what the females catch.
Angela Montenegro: And when they get cranky, they eat the cubs... Men.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Wow. Before I flee for my life, the particles I found in the wounds around the femeral artery, ones I thought were mica, are scales.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Fish?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No, snake. Can maybe have a species by tomorrow.
Angela Montenegro: Hey wanna stay and have a drink?
[Cam snaps her fingers]
Angela Montenegro: Oh yeah. We hate men.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I'm gonna go now.

"Bones: Fire in the Ice (#4.12)" (2009)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [watch Booth fight another hockey player] Booth seems to be winning.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's not Booth I'm worried about.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [watching Booth's Hockey game] I do not know how I feel about this.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Very primal.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I like it! Just a little too much.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: I'll get on the fluid samples you took from the lungs and the esophagus. Could be the vic was drowned somewhere else and dumped in the lake.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No. Drowning's not the way that Booth would kill someone.
[Hodgins and Wendell stare at Cam]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Not... that I... actually... suspect Booth... at all... Quit staring at me.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a crime scene. My people are very often at crime scenes. It's what we do.
Caroline Julian: No it's not! You've got it in your heads that you're crime scene types. This is Booth's fault for indulging your fantasies. You're not crime scene types, you are lab rats.

Special Agent Payton Perotta: Hmmm. My people were right.
Dr. Camille Saroyan, Caroline Julian: YOUR people?
Dr. Jack Hodgins, Wendell Bray: We're Booth's people.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Any luck with the murder weapon?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. We are certain it is not a screwdriver.

"Bones: The Critic in the Cabernet (#4.24)" (2009)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Tibia. I've decided to have a baby.
[Everyone stares at her. Bones continues working]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Pichulum.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wait. Baby like a small human?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. I know I've had no interest in the past. Bu neither did you and you seem to find parenthood very fulfilling.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: You and Brennan, you're going to have a baby?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She told you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: She told everyone. It's probably on the news by now.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know *you* Seeley. You're gonna do it. You wanna do it without really doing it. But it's still doing it even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And what'll you get out of it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She'll get what she wanted.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: A piece of you.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [after Brennan says she wants a baby] Is there a father?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, I'd like to use Booth's sperm.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Booth. What do you know?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: You and Brennan, you're gonna have a baby?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She told you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: She told everyone, it's probably on the news by now.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm just donating.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So, you decided?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No! No! I am deciding, i-n-g -ing.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know you, Seeley. You're gonna do it. You wanna do it without really doing it, but it's still doing it even if you're not... doing it the way it should be done.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And what will it do for you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She'll get what she wanted.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: A piece of you?

"Bones: The End in the Beginning (#4.25)" (2009)

Detective Camille Saroyan: Good morning, I'm Detective Saroyan.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Yeah, I know who you are. You're my brother's partner.
Jared Booth: She prefers the term "boss."
Detective Camille Saroyan: Official visit. See the badge?

Detective Camille Saroyan: You think that was insensitive?
Jared Booth: I don't know, implying that she was cheating on her husband maybe could have waited until he wasn't standing right next to her.
Detective Camille Saroyan: Why? They bust up, you finally get a crack at her. That's what you want, right?

Detective Camille Saroyan: Now why would a crooked politician tell *you* that he was upset about not getting a payoff.
Lance Sweets: I'm a bartender. Practically a psychologist.

Angela Montenegro: Julian warned us that you have to make an arrest in the case. I just wanted to say that just because Jared Booth and I went out on a couple of dates and he cannot accept the fact that it is going nowhere, does not mean I should got to jail.
Jared Booth: Didn't your lawyer tell you not to answer any questions you weren't asked?
Detective Camille Saroyan: [to Julian] Should I mark your people down as stupid or uncooperative?
Caroline Julian: Put them down as well represented.

Detective Camille Saroyan: Who is this now?
Caroline Julian: Jack Hodgins. Very successful crime novelist.
Detective Camille Saroyan: They never get anything right.

"Bones: The Bones That Foam (#4.15)" (2009)

Vincent Nigel-Murray: Forgive me, doctors. But is the skin moving?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Ooo. God that's strange.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Insect activity?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I've never seen insects like that... except in Alien.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [as foam is coming out of the remains] What the hell is that?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I have no idea. Everyone away from that body!
[Presses a button. Alarms go off]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We're in lock down!

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Running the bugs through the mass spec. Not getting any toxins. But they might not have fed on the remains yet. In other words, I need more *samples*.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We all need more samples.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know. I would just like us all to stay alive during the process.

Vincent Nigel-Murray: The fire appears not to have damaged the remains.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did it start?
[Hodgins and Nigel point to the remains]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, I see. You're going with the old blame the corpse defense.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: So the killer thinks the body's going to dissolve instantly like it does in the movies then nothing happens. Except every alarm in the lab goes off time and again!
[Cam takes a big drink of wine]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Are you okay?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Finishes swallowing her wine] Yes. It's just very good wine.

"Bones: The Skull in the Sculpture (#4.7)" (2008)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after Dr. Sweets tells Daisy that she is fired, they decide to come out with their relationship and begin making out on the forensic platform] That's a method of termination I've never tried. But bravo, Dr. Sweets.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa. They'll never work. They're like complete opposites.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I agree. For all her faults she's a woman of science. Sweets bases his life on the vagaries of psychology and emotion. You know, there's no common ground.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You need common ground. What else is there?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Absolutely.
[Then Bones and Booth look intently towards each other]

Caroline Julian: You can still examine it. You just can't disrupt it in any way. Don't worry this is only temporary. We'll see how artistic people feel when it starts stinking. Just don't scratch it.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Don't scratch the crushed automobile which encases a rotting dead body.
Caroline Julian: Good. We understand each other.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I was going to say that I had an accident over here, but I don't like lying.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You dumped a bucket full of domestic beetles onto this work of art. They'll strip the flesh off our victim in no time.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Within 30 hours... Am I fired?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Au contraire. Remind me of this moment around Christmas bonus time.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay, now what we want to do here is remove the skull very carefully.
[Daisy reaches for the skull]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Carefully.
[Daisy accidentally crushes the skull]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: ...I can't believe you did that.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Bummer.
Daisy Wick: Usually when you say "we" you mean me! I'm so sorry. I'll put it together. I will stay up all night!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'll do it.
Daisy Wick: Well I will assist you every step of the way. I will never leave your side!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I would prefer to do it alone.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: That's a method of termination I've never tried. But bravo Dr. Sweets!

"Bones: The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (#5.4)" (2009)

Arastoo Vaziri: [Irritated without Jordanian accent] I am a scientist! Okay? Just like the rest of you. I can deal! So please just back off and let me do my job!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wow.
Arastoo Vaziri: [With Jordian accent] I apologize for my outburst.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, you aren't even going to try to unring that bell are you?
Arastoo Vaziri: [as he's leaving] I have to pray.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Now how is it any more odd than say shaving your face, or putting on make up?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm not hanging up because I don't have an answer for that. I'm just hanging up.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Speaking of Arastoo's fake accent] Is it crazy, or just weird. Weird I can deal with, but crazy...
[Cam starts to leave]
Dr. Lance Sweets: Wait. What do you want me to do?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, crazy is your department.

Angela Montenegro: You're going to tell me to stop looking through all this stuff now, aren't you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm afraid so. I'll go tell Booth about the lube.
Angela Montenegro: [Cam leaves. To Arastoo] Spoilsport. Finding likely murder weapons way too fast.

"Bones: The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond (#4.4)" (2008)

Angela Montenegro: All right, these are children's shoes, but they're size 11.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So you think are victim was a giant toddler?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. That would show up in the bones.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Sarcasm does not play with on the forensic platform.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know you're upset about breaking up with Angela, Dr. Hodgins. And I know you're upset about losing Zack. But despite your personal problems this is a *workplace*. And your attitude leave a *lot* to be desired.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Fine. If you want to make a change, you *make* a change. Otherwise let me do my job and let me hatch this egg!

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Hey, Dr. Saroyan, I'm not moving into Zack's space. I'm not being difficult. I just - I can't do it. I hope you understand.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I understand. I thought you being the one who moved in there would be easiest for Zack.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, if he were a normal human that might be true, but...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [slight laugh] Yeah.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: I just wish Zack was here, that's all.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You gotta get over it. Zack's not coming back!
Dr. Zack Addy: I know where to find the victim's head.
[Everyone turns and stare at Zack]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is not good.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did you get out?
Dr. Zack Addy: You don't look happy to see me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, we're not!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: *I* am. I really am.

"Bones: The Truth in the Lye (#2.5)" (2006)

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [holding up a wedding band] Braided gold and platinum - preserved by true love, no doubt.
Angela Montenegro: One metal for each desperate housewife.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: People, can we at least fake some sense of decorum?
Angela Montenegro: I can't help it - it's so Jerry Springer!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: So now we're talking about a faked homicide to cover up a faked suicide?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: A faked suicide meant to cover up an *actual, original* murder.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Now, just when you think things couldn't get *any* more twisted-
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [enters] How's *this* for a curveball?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: In walks Cam.

Zack Addy: [holding a pitchfork to sift remains out of a tub of lye] And, I know you requested a strainer of some sort, Dr. Brennan, but I thought this would be of some use.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: For the big pieces maybe.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: After that, Old McZacky, get on the horn with the coroner's office and tell them I want two field unit water sifters sent here ASAP.
Zack Addy: They get mad went I drop your name.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Then drop it twice.

Zack Addy: [Bragging to Hodgins] I'm going on police business.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: So proud.
[to Cam]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Does he mean out? In the world?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We'll pin our phone number on his shirt.

"Bones: The Hero in the Hold (#4.13)" (2009)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after Bones gets phone call] What's going on?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...Gravedigger has Booth.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sweets, you - you shouldn't be here. The Gravedigger said no FBI involvement.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'm a psychologist, not an agent.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: An FBI psychologist, Dr. Sweets. Get gone, now.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Let's be clear here. What we intend to do next constitutes felony conspiriacy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Not you! ME! I can do this alone!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No. NO! Nobody does anything alone. Vega was alone.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: The government keeps secret black illegal files on every US citizen. It's called "Spring Cleaning." Because everything is brought out into the light and turned upside down.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay,that is complete paranoia. Right?
Jared Booth: I'll need access to a secure terminal.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Follow me.
[Cam leads Jared out. As Jared is leaving, stops looks at Hodgins]
Jared Booth: And only conspiracy nuts call it "Spring Cleaning."

"Bones: Mayhem on a Cross (#4.20)" (2009)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Norway?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We don't have enough crucified of our own, now the Vikings are sending them?

Clark Edison: The annual murder rate in Norway is 0.7.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Less than one murder a year?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: In that case, they should solve the ones they have, or they'll never get any practice.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is definitely murder.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There are other possibilities.
Clark Edison: Uh, I have to admit none spring to mind.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: One possibility: drunken death obsessed satan worshipping drug abusing teens rob a grave and re-enact an ancient torture.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Ah, just another Saturday night.

"Bones: The Beaver in the Otter (#4.23)" (2009)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Looks like someone took a flamethrower to sasquatch.
Angela Montenegro: Well, this is what he was supposed to look like.
[Shows Cam a picture of the Mascot]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Someone finally killed a mascot?

Arastoo Vaziri: I have never seen so many foreign objects in human remains. Arrows, marbles, jacks, various coins, cutlery. My best guess is: nuclear explosion just as the victim entered a 99 Cent Store.
Angela Montenegro: Well, uh, close. He was shot by a blenderbus, pelted by an angry mob, and then burned.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Now that's what I call team spirit.
[They look at Cam strangely]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm a wisecracking Pathologist with a dark sense of humor.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah I got that during the part where you said no seven times in a row.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I find that you don't pay attention to the first six.

"Bones: The Bond in the Boot (#5.2)" (2009)

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Wendell, my man, we still on for lunch?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You are discussing lunch while holding a tray of cat excrament.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Everybody poops. They even wrote a book about it.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Do you believe James Bond killed our victim?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well no, but come on. There was more than a grain of truth in those James Bond films.
Angela Montenegro: Pussy Galore? That's never gonna happen.
Wendell Bray: Well we can alway hope.
Angela Montenegro: Boys and their spy fantasies.

Wendell Bray: That means he showed no signs of distress even after hours of torture. Isn't that impossible.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Unless the CIA underestimated this guy, anyone who can take that kind of abuse makes James Bone look like a weenie.

"Bones: Harbingers in a Fountain (#5.1)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, um. That place I went to. You know, in my coma dream, it was just - Bones and I were so real...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You're in love with Dr. Brennan.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: My advice for what it's worth. Forget the bruised brain and go with the lion heart.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Right. Yeah, and uh, tell Bones how I feel.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes. *Except* be sure about your feelings. Because if you crack that shell, and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone again.

Caroline Julian: That was sneaky.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Is sneaky good or bad?
Caroline Julian: Good. If it holds up in the court.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Next time, make it look like you're taking advantage of the situation, not scripting it.

"Bones: The Verdict in the Story (#3.13)" (2008)

Angela Montenegro: [watching the defense exam evidence] I hate this. I *hate* it!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What? Strangers on our forensic platform?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Ange doesn't like that we're on different sides.
Angela Montenegro: All of us together, and Brennan alone.

AUSA Caroline Julian: Have you no control over these people?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: None what-so-ever.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, Caroline, it's Bones! It's different. Let's just admit it!
AUSA Caroline Julian: Here's what's not different.
[to Booth]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Lose the "Cocky" belt buckle.
[to Hodgins]
AUSA Caroline Julian: No badges saying "Resist Authority" or "The Truth is Out There."
[to Zack]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Do *not* cut your own hair the day before the trial.
[to Angela]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Ugly up a little. The plain women on the jury hate you.
[to Sweets]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Use your fully grown up words.
[to Cam]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Eat! Last time your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.

AUSA Caroline Julian: I'm gonna say to you what I always say to you before a trial, because this one is no different than any other trial.
Dr. Zack Addy: You never said that before.
AUSA Caroline Julian: What?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You never told us that a trial is no different from any other trial.
Dr. Zack Addy: Which suggests that this one *is* different.
AUSA Caroline Julian: Have you no control over these people?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: None whatsoever.

"Bones: The Science in the Physicist (#4.18)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Dead guy. What about the dead guy?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's obvious. He was frost bitten while climbing Everest then struck by a meteor then dumped into a vacant lot in two garbage bags and eaten by crows.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, obvious. That's so obvious.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a start.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [From inside the lab] FIRE IN THE HOLE!
[Cannon goes off. Booth tries to shield Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What the hell was that?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Hodgins exits the lab] We're okay. Everything's okay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We should get out of here before lock down. Let Cam deal with it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. All right.
[They both run for the exit as the alarm goes off]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [to Hodgins and Nigel] You know you're grounded, right?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: What did I tell you?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Hodgins and Nigel turn slowly] That we aren't allowed in the same room without supervision.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why?
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Because we were stupid enough to fire a cannon indoors.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You know, you're here. Which-which counts for supervision, so... I'll leave.

"Bones: A Night at the Bones Museum (#5.5)" (2009)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, The Mummy. 1932.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You don't know who Brittney Spears is, but you know this movie?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's the film that made me want to be an anthropologist. Although I prefer Chaney's mummy to Karloff's.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I guess I'd be angry too if someone pulled my brain out through my nose and stuck it in a canopic jar.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: The urine of a red headed boy.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We need *so* much more that that.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: From the swab of Dr. Kaswell's eye.
Angela Montenegro: A red headed boy peed on her eye?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, not exactly.

"Bones: The Titan on the Track (#2.1)" (2006)

Lisa Supac: [after advising Dr. Brennan and the rest of the team the Turko will only get 10 years for his involvement in the train crash] It's 10 years or nothing. I can only work with what I'm given, and the forensic work on this was not good enough.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What?
Lisa Supac: You were fooled by fake dental records, you baked some spam.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What did you want us to do?
Lisa Supac: Your jobs.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, Ms. Supek, you want us to do your job. My people gave you all the evidence you need to fry Turko with any reasonable jury.
Lisa Supac: Forensically...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We gave you everything you needed to arrest Turko.
Lisa Supac: Arrest is not a conviction.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We definitely gave you enough to reject his plea bargain and indict him in the wrongful death of a Senator.
Lisa Supac: Indictment is not a conviction.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You accept that plea bargain and the investigation stops.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Indict him. Give us time to get you what you need.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: If you accept this plea bargain, you don't deserve to be a Federal Prosecutor.
Lisa Supac: Dr. Saroyan!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah, it's scary. The whole country'll be watching the trial and you don't want to go in with less than a sure thing. But you put my people on the stand as expert witnesses and that's a sure thing.
Dr. Temperance Brennan, Dr. Jack Hodgins, Angela Montenegro: [together] Not Zack.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You can tell the story of what happened using the evidence these people provided, and if you any ability as a prosecutor you'll win the case.
Lisa Supac: Are you finished?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, Ms. Supeck. In the future when you have problems with my team, you'll register them with me, in private, not by grand standing in a public forum.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Hodgins knows Cam overheard the "wank-tard" comment, and starts babbling] You're chattering me to death because you hope I'll forget that you called me a wank-tard.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [chastened] It's a made up word--no meaning.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seeley.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Camille.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Don't call me Camille.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't call me Seeley.

"Bones: The Salt in the Wounds (#4.16)" (2009)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: So if she was handcuffed to protect her virginity, didn't work out well.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It will take too long, and a positive result is debatable.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Lucky for me I'm the boss.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...I claim one of my freebies!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I claim one of my freebie declines!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Some of us take coffee breaks. Some of us take smoke breaks. Mr. Vaziri takes a spiritual break.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Who smokes?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Nervously] Nobody. Not very often any way. Just... very rarely, in times of great stress.

"Bones: The Plain in the Prodigy (#5.3)" (2009)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: When do teenagers start having sex?
Angela Montenegro: Hello!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: If they could, they'd start in the morning and go until they drop.

Angela Montenegro: Hey listen, Cam. Every teenager goes through this. Think about what you went through.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Me? Oh god!
[Cam start to run off]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wh-What am I going to do?

Michelle Welton: Did you talk to your dad about boys?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh God no. No. My mom told him to go bowling. She knew he'd have a meltdown. My dad still thinks I'm a - his little girl.

"Bones: The Girl in Suite 2103 (#2.6)" (2006)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after being left out of the loop] There's a loop people and I'm in it. Not only am I in it I'm the big, curvy part.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? The bomber was a female?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The sciatic notch doesn't lie!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Neither does the vagina.

"Bones: The Bone That Blew (#4.10)" (2008)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Citric acid?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's my considered belief that Agent Booth spilled Orange Juice in his tie.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [chuckling] I look forward to him explaining that to a jury.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: For an artist, you make a pretty good detective.
Angela Montenegro: I think you just insulted me.

"Bones: The Cinderella in the Cardboard (#4.19)" (2009)

Wendell Bray: She was run over by a car.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seems like our victim was flattened before she was flattened.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Did you really tell Sweets that Daisy was cheating on him?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Everyone seems to think I've done something terrible. I don't want to lie!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: In this case, it was definitely the way to go.

"Bones: The Blonde in the Game (#2.4)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Run her through the database, get an ID.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why don't you just ask him?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well because the last time Bones saw Epps, it got violent.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You'll be there to protect her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's not the one who needs protecting. Bones broke his wrist
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [flashback to when Bones broke Epps's wrist] He touched me with his creepy serial killer hands.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Better not take Dr. Brennan.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well unlike you and Bones, Angela is uh..
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's better with the living that she is with the dead.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Fine. I'll go tell her what she just volunteered for.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks.

"Bones: The Boneless Bride in the River (#2.16)" (2007)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [as Hodgins and Zack are inflating a head] This is - it's absolutely -
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Brilliant?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Useless! You need the exact shape of a skull to get a likeness. Not just a - This - Turn that off!
[Angela walks in]
Angela Montenegro: Oh my God! You guys are perverse!

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr. Brennan was right. Bone people should only do bone things.

"Bones: Spaceman in a Crater (#2.19)" (2007)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why do you know that?
Dr. Zack Addy: My knowledge is vast.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why did I ask?

Dr. Jack Hodgins: This guy's wearing loafers. Aliens don't wear loafers.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Even if they want to pass unnoticed amongst us?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Before taking over?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: This is harassment. You know, it's illegal to mock people for their fundamental beliefs.

"Bones: The Widow's Son in the Windshield (#3.1)" (2007)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: You arrested the Deputy Director of the Secret Service for voyeurism.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Bones in her office?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That is awesome! And really, really stupid! You gotta love a self-destructive man with values.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: How do I say this in a way that makes sense to Booth?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Something chewed on the skull.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, like a bear or a dog?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Human, Booth. Dr. Brennan is saying human.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: In the vernacular, our victim's face was chewed off by a cannibal.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [throws away the rest of his hot dog] Okay.

"Bones: The Girl in the Mask (#4.22)" (2009)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why would someone cut off the head of a body here.
[Points to one point on map]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And drive miles away to dispose of it here?
[Pointing to another point on the map]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I rarely find motive in bird vomit.

Angela Montenegro: Then I bypassed the password protection by hacking into the server where his webaddress is registered.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why do I feel like my checking account isn't safe?

"Bones: The Secret in the Soil (#3.4)" (2007)

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Hello, my sweet, exotic princess.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What a slightly inappropriate greeting, Dr. Hodgins.
Zack Addy: I think he's talking to a bug.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, now I feel a little... rejected.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Hello my exotic princess!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What a charmingly inappropriate greeting Dr. Hodgins.
Zack Addy: I think he was talking to the bug.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well now I feel a bit... rejected.

"Bones: The Wannabe in the Weeds (#3.14)" (2008)

Dr. Zack Addy: My regimine is usually completed in my apartment: treadmill for 30 minutes, 100 sit up, push up and leg lifts and 20 minutes of free weights. I'm deceptively strong.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm deceived.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The guitar string could definitely be the murder weapon.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because it cut the cheese?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because the exemplar wound approximates the tool marks on the victim's C5.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah, he knew. He just wanted to say "cut the cheese."

"Bones: The Boy in the Shroud (#2.3)" (2006)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [to Hodgins] When it comes to bugs, slime, crud, and compost, you're the man.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Booth, if Dr. Brennan were to quit...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: If she were to leave the Jeffersonian...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, the squints would flee this institution like the French army.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, I do as I'm ordered.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, you don't, Seeley.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, here we go. What's going on, Camille?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What if I fired her? What would you do?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm with Bones, Cam. All the way. Don't doubt it for a second.

"Bones: Double Trouble in the Panhandle (#4.11)" (2009)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Dr. Brennan, if you do have to perform, any chance that you could set up a webcam so we could watch? You know, to see if we might be of any help with the case, I mean.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah, absolutely, anything to help.
[Cam covers the webcam with her hand and gives a thumbs up to Hodgins]

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [watching Bones and Booth's circus act] Is it me, or does she seem a little too into this?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Well, there is of course a sexual component to an act of this sort. The knife representing...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We get it.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Dr. Brennan is showing remarkable trust and willingness.

"Bones: The Double Death of the Dearly Departed (#4.21)" (2009)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm done. I'm going to need some transport for me an my friend.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What friend?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I meant Hank. I was being oblique.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Right after we get back from sushi.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Sushi? You're going for sushi?

Dr. Lance Sweets: Wow. He's really dead.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That happens here in the autopsy room.

"Bones: Boy in the Time Capsule (#3.7)" (2007)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Roger Dillon had a pocket watch full of cocaine?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's so 'Miami Vice' I could roll up my sleeves.

Angela Montenegro: [removing contents from the time capsule] One year book-Foothill High, 1987.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [checking list of contents] Check; dehydrate and scan.
Angela Montenegro: [reading year book] "Have a great summer, don't ever change." Remember those days?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I remember getting grounded every weekend, so many rules to break, so little time.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You were a nerd fantasy.
Angela Montenegro: I was all about Barbie.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: She was my first anatomy lesson, I was confused for years.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What about Ken, I felt so sorry for him.

"Bones: The He in the She (#4.6)" (2008)

Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: We'll show these images to Dr. Brennan.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Why?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: She'll see something you missed.

Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: Based on the lack of hemorrhagic tissue, this victim was already dead when cut in half.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: He's in the water, drowning maybe, or- or is pushed from a boat. When he reaches for the boat, his fingers are smashed, he drowns, and then is cut in half later in some... maritime mishap.
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: "He"?
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Mm-hmm. Triangular pubis, no evidence of a ventral arc. The pelvic bone speaks. It says "I be male."
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: The pelvic bone can say whatever it wants to say. This part here says female.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: What part's that?
Dr. Camille 'Cam' Saroyan: It's called a vagina.

"Bones: The Killer in the Concrete (#2.18)" (2007)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Booth is being held by Melvin Gallagher.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That's a leap. How do you know?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Can we just go with this please?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Of course not.
Angela Montenegro: Obviously, Brennan found out from her father who is a wanted fugitive.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Ange!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Now that I can go with.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, time to step out of your comfort zones, people.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: What comfort zone?

"Bones: The Girl with the Curl (#2.7)" (2006)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh it gets better.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [sarcastically] How can it not?

"Bones: Death in the Saddle (#3.3)" (2007)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: [searching around a body with both feet cut off] I got a foot...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Me, too.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Find a third one, and I'll be impressed.

"Bones: The Passenger in the Oven (#4.9)" (2008)

Dr. Lance Sweets: And I'm here because?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You were on my speed dial.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay.
[Sweets leaves]

"Bones: Bodies in the Book (#2.15)" (2007)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [about the crabs that had eaten away most of the victim's body] Opportunistic little bastards

"Bones: The Glowing Bones in 'The Old Stone House' (#2.20)" (2007)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Zack and Hodgins are enacting a scenario] Okay what are we missing here?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The Stooges.

"Bones: The Pain in the Heart (#3.15)" (2008)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Standing in the entry of Zak's room] Cam. I'm going to need the room.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [pause. Cam looks at Zak, then rises and walks to Booth and Bones] I'm sorry. But I have to ask. Are you absolutely certain? Because -
[Cam looks at Bones and Booth]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wow! I did not see that coming.

"Bones: Yanks in the U.K. (#4.1)" (2008)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Arrives at work after having ended up sleeping with Angela's ex] Sorry I'm late, what did I miss?
Dr. Clark Edison: [Irritated that Angela and Jack seem more interested in planning their honeymoon than concentrating on work] Oh, were deciding between Maine and Jamaica for the wedding.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Did Angela's ex get off okay?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Flinches] Whoa! Sorry?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Not realising the double meaning of his own question] You took him to the airport?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh, "off"! Of... of course. Yes. He's off... and gone. All gone.
Angela Montenegro: Great. Thank you for doing that.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Anytime.
[Takes a breath of relief]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Either Maine or Jamaica, you really can't go wrong.
[Awkward pause]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I should... Bye.
[Hurries away]

"Bones: The Priest in the Churchyard (#2.17)" (2007)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after testing Father Matt for poison] The good news is we know how to make you feel a lot better.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Bad news is someone is trying to kill you.

"Bones: The Princess and the Pear (#4.14)" (2009)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Hodgins, are you trying to help someone? Because that's not your character.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Way I see it, Fisher's like a deep cover agent. He infiltrated teh enemy to uncover secrets. In order to do so, he had to suffer a night of passion with a beautiful but dangerous enemy
Colin Fisher: You have no idea how dangerous.

"Bones: The Baby in the Bough (#3.12)" (2008)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Because a million seems a little impractical.
Angela Montenegro: I don't know. I kind of have a thing for chaos. I guess I'll stop when the Feds need to airlift me in supplies.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You don't by any chance, live in a shoe, do you?
Angela Montenegro: You don't want kids?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Screaming, crying, vomit, other bodily fluids; it's just like a day around here. Not worth giving up this body for *that*.

"Bones: The Con Man in the Meth Lab (#4.8)" (2008)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Can I offer you a little insight into Booth's little brother?
Dr. Clark Edison: Oh God, why am I always standing in precisely the wrong place?
[Clark starts to leave]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I didn't have sex with him, Cam.
Angela Montenegro: [Angela enters] Didn't have sex with who?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Jared Booth.
Angela Montenegro: Good.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Good? Why good?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Because... because...
Angela Montenegro: Because he's Booth's little brother. And it would just be a creepy way to have sex with a Booth without having sex with the *real* Booth.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Kudos Angela. I would not have had the guts to say that out loud.

"Bones: The Tough Man in the Tender Chicken (#5.6)" (2009)

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Referring to a scout troop] What I want to know is why they're not all freaked out and getting trauma counselling?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Because they're the type of children who idolize Dr. Brennan.

"Bones: Aliens in a Spaceship (#2.9)" (2006)

Zack Addy: He killed himself. He punctured his own carotid artery which explains the amount of blood we found in the vat. He used a pen, there's a nick on the inferior angle of the mandible. I don't know why he did it. I don't really do "why" I just do "how."
Dr. Camille Saroyan: He did it to give his brother more air. So his twin would survive. That's why we found them holding each other.
Zack Addy: How does that help?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: When we tell Mr. Kent that one of his sons gave his own life in an effort to save his brother, it'll mean something, Zack.