Quotes for
Special Agent Seeley Booth (Character)
from "Bones" (2005)

"Bones: The Critic in the Cabernet (#4.24)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Happy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sperm.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Sweets] Sperm? Isn't this getting a little weird?
Dr. Lance Sweets: No. Keep going.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay. Egg.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I want a baby.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Horse.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wait. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. We can stop here.

Dr. Lance Sweets: This is a well researched therapeutic technique, Agent Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh really? This happens all the time? Patients asking for sperm.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah - no. Well not this specifically. Which is why some discussion is in order.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well I'm not asking for you to be involved. All I want is your sperm.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth realizes the Tech has heard Bones and starts to laugh] That's a good one. "All I want is your sperm." Never heard that joke before.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't understand.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to the Tech] Yeah. Okay. All right. Just close your mouth and point us to the body, okay?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: You and Brennan, you're going to have a baby?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She told you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: She told everyone. It's probably on the news by now.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know *you* Seeley. You're gonna do it. You wanna do it without really doing it. But it's still doing it even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And what'll you get out of it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She'll get what she wanted.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: A piece of you.

Dr. Lance Sweets: How can you two not see what's going on?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sweets, what's the big deal? She was going to have a baby anyway, with Fisher. Fisher! Okay? What would you have done?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Again, what I would have done is irrelevant. You. *You* admitted to feeling anxiety.

Stewie Griffin: So are you going to let her have this baby alone?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I didn't say that.
Stewie Griffin: You are! You're going to abandon your child! Oh night's deepest gloom washes over my tiny frame.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No. No. I can't walk away. I never said that! Okay? Do you understand? I can't walk away! This is my kid! If I can't be involved I don't want her to have the baby!
Stewie Griffin: And the sun shines again. Good man, Boothy.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Hey, what's going on?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I can't do it. Listen I have to be involved. If I'm the father then... I have to be a father.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm not a neurologist, Booth, or a surgeon.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: But you're a genius. That's good enough for me... Plus you'll know if they're screwing up.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'll ask.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen Bones, if I don't make it...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, you're going to be fine.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: But if I'm not, I want you to have my stuff. You know, for a kid.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I want you to... You're going to be a really good mom.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're going to be fine, Booth. I'll be right here.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You really liked holding that kid didn't you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah. I've been thinking about how exciting it would be to expose my own child to early pattern recognition.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know they like singing and uh, when you make funny faces at 'em too.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah of course. I-I will make a diverse schedule.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [referring to the body] Looks like a purple Smurf.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Pelvic bone indicates a male.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Like a rubber, purple, Smurf.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: You and Brennan, you're gonna have a baby?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She told you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: She told everyone, it's probably on the news by now.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm just donating.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So, you decided?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No! No! I am deciding, i-n-g -ing.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know you, Seeley. You're gonna do it. You wanna do it without really doing it, but it's still doing it even if you're not... doing it the way it should be done.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And what will it do for you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She'll get what she wanted.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: A piece of you?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, what is going on?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I can't do it. Listen, I have to be involved. If I'm the father then... I have to *be* a father.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You were seeing something in there, what were you seeing?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stewie. The baby from The Family Guy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You saw Stewie in there, in the interrogation room?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What do you say, about the kid?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Fine, I won't have a baby.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: "Fine." That's it?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It doesn't matter now, we're going to the hospital.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's no big deal, okay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, it is. Booth, you thought you saw Luc Robitaille and then the ghost of a dead friend and now a cartoon baby. Trust me, something is wrong. Trust me.

---

"Bones: The Wannabe in the Weeds (#3.14)" (2008)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How does a former sniper have a grass allergy? I mean wouldn't a sneeze give away your position?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, okay. I worked in the *desert*. Sand. No grass.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: So presumably he was killed, decapitated, and mulched. Wow. Can it get any worse for this guy?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [after Booth knocks on a door] Hey, break down the door.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It hurts my shoulder when I break down the door.

Adam Matthews: Then about a month ago, she showed up in the middle of the night, and started banging on the door.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, was she angry?
Adam Matthews: She was wearing a teddy, and high heels. So I'm thinking angry *wasn't* her emotion.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're implying she was sexually stimulated.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So were they um -?
[claps his hands]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know. Did they -?
[claps his hands]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Did they have sexual intercourse?
Adam Matthews: If they did it was through a locked door.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So... no?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [clapping] Very good, Bones. Okay, let's go.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well this obsession with physical perfection clouds a society's vision. You are oogling that woman!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? No! I'm not.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes, you are!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm just, um, admiring her routine.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Bones arrives at the bar] Finally! One more show tune and I was going to start shooting!

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Who's Kelly Clarkson?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: American Idol. "Because of You."
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because of *me*?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Never mind. Okay, just stay here. Not up there.
[points to the stage]

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You enjoy it because you're a superb agent.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You think?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Of course, since I'm the best in my field. It would be self-destructive for me to work with some who was beneath me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, that's good, because I have to be honest, here. Sometimes I think you feel you're better than me.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well objectively, I'm more intelligent-.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: See? There you go!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: In certain areas. And in others, I understand my limitations, and I admire your expertise.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Until I was 13, I wanted to be the next Cyndi Lauper.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'd say you were kidding. But I don't think you know how to kid.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The guitar string could definitely be the murder weapon.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because it cut the cheese?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because the exemplar wound approximates the tool marks on the victim's C5.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah, he knew. He just wanted to say "cut the cheese."

Dr. Jason Bergman: I have nothing to do with clay.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Oh, no? You're totally in the clear.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey! You can't say that! This is *my* place.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I can't just bust into song. I have to have music. And an appropriate atmosphere of frivolity.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Diva! Forensic genius. Best selling author. Better that Cyndi Lauper?

---

"Bones: The Verdict in the Story (#3.13)" (2008)

Dr. Lance Sweets: Dr. Brennan everyone you work with, including your therapist...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: *Former* therapist.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Is endevoring to imprison your father. That's wicked stressful.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth is right. It doesn't bother me.
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, Booth is wrong. *Yes*, it does.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm fine.
Dr. Lance Sweets: If you were fine, you'd be balled up in a corner, weeping or semi-catatonic.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [turning to Booth] Does that sound fine to you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sorry, Bones, but I'm going to have to agree with Sweets on this one.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I think it's important for you to know that *we* know that the colder more objective you appear on the outside, the more pain you feel on the inside.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm fine!
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, you're not!

AUSA Caroline Julian: Have you no control over these people?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: None what-so-ever.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, Caroline, it's Bones! It's different. Let's just admit it!
AUSA Caroline Julian: Here's what's not different.
[to Booth]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Lose the "Cocky" belt buckle.
[to Hodgins]
AUSA Caroline Julian: No badges saying "Resist Authority" or "The Truth is Out There."
[to Zack]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Do *not* cut your own hair the day before the trial.
[to Angela]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Ugly up a little. The plain women on the jury hate you.
[to Sweets]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Use your fully grown up words.
[to Cam]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Eat! Last time your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, listen up people. Bones, she believes in the system. She finds out that Angela is not going to testify, she's not going to like it. Okay? She'd want us to do our jobs.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I didn't see Angela today.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Angela refuses to testify.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Probably because she's your best friend.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, you're my friend. And you don't mind.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I mind! We *all* mind. Except for Zack.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, in that case, Zack is the only one thinking clearly. I had to give Hodgins permission. I don't know what's wrong with everyone.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's not what's wrong, Bones. It's what's *right*!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [rising up] Oh and remember. I'm the one... who gave you this
[pouring out his coffee]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: delicious coffee.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why? Because I'm the first prosecution witness against your father.
[enters the court room]

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [as Angela's being escorted to prison for refusing to testify. Bones rises up] Angela please!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sit down!
Angela Montenegro: [Angela stops] Sweetie, this is one of those times when I know *I'm* right, and everyone else is *confused*!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I just think he doesn't want to admit that he likes us.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Do you like us?
Dr. Lance Sweets: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And he wants to spend time with us.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Is that true, Sweets? You like us?
Special Agent Seeley Booth, Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [singing] He really likes us.
Dr. Lance Sweets: All right, you know what? I'm sorry I made the offer. I take it back. Forget it!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, you're not Dr. Brennan today. You're Temperance.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The scientist part of you got sidelined, temporarily.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [scoffs] I still don't know what that means.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, just take the brain. Okay? And put it in neutral. Take the heart, and put it in overdrive.
[makes motor sounds]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sometimes I think you're from another planet.
[smiles]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sometimes I think you're nice

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [examining a skeleton that is curled in a circular shape] How could this happen?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Umm, maybe he was rolled up in a carpet?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Where's the carpet?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, it rotted away. You know, with the... meaty parts.
[Bones starts laughing]
AUSA Caroline Julian: [entering] Excuse me? What is so funny?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [forcing back her laughter] Nothing.
AUSA Caroline Julian: I should hope not, because there's a dead body deserving our respect right in front of you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Brennan can't contain herself any longer and bursts out laughing]
AUSA Caroline Julian: I did not know she could laugh.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's a lot of heart, Bones...

Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's a lot of hearts Bones.

---

"Bones: The Man in the SUV (#1.2)" (2005)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're dealing with someone here who devalues an entire culture; terrorizing people by using God to justify mass murder.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You're making it personal. That doesn't help.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It is personal, Bones. All of us die a little bit on one like this.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Trying to track down the doctor?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Don't need him. It's definitely a toxin, but we can't determine what kind.
Zack Addy: Too bad the liver is cooked. That could tell us everything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, I need subtitles walking in here.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: [discussing a corpse that was blown up in an SUV] I need surgical gloves and masks for the retrieval team, sterile medical bags and vegetable oil.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Vegetable oil?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: The oil will loosen the seared body parts stuck to the metal. It's no different than steak on a grill that sticks.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why aren't we talking about you and your boyfriend?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't have a boyfriend.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You just said that as though it's a good thing. And you know what? It's a very, *very* sad comment on your personal life.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Look, you're angry again.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right. Listen, Bones, we're heading into a very unknown situation. I think it's best that you just stay in the car.
[Bones glares at him]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, then, you know, if you have to come in with me, you stay *behind* me.
[Bones glares at him]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine. Just be careful, all right?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after kicking in the door] Okay, anybody asks, that door was open.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: [as they're approaching Ladjavardi] I thought you were told to stay away from him?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, and as an FBI agent, I cannot disobey my superior. But you're *not* an FBI agent.

Ali Ladjavardi: I'm calling Santana.
[turns around and walks away]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yeah, I don't -
[get in front of Ladjavardi]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't think so.
Ali Ladjavardi: I'm warning you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I wouldn't threaten her if I were you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Look I just want to know where you were in June to see if you poisoned Hamid, and Farid.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Subtle.
Ali Ladjavardi: I'm leaving now!
[tries to push pass Bones. She grabs his arm and flips him. Bones puts her foot on his throat]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Told you. She doesn't like to be touched.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [after ranting about the FBI] Someone here's really defensive about the FBI lately. You realize Booth is just another government stooge.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: This has nothing to do with Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth arrives and clears his throat] I don't enjoy having squints on my team any more than you like me on yours. But you know, we're *supposed* to be working together, okay?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: She dyed her hair. She lost weight. You know? She shove a little Botox in the forehead. She's still feeling guilty over the last fight she had with her husband!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh, you are an insufferable arrogant... MAN!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, so only a woman could know a woman? I thought women wanted us to understand them.
Angela Montenegro: [moving closer to them] Not really a magician never *wants* to reveal her tricks.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [turns to Angela] We're having a *private* conversation.
Angela Montenegro: I'm not here.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Angela tells them she talked to Booth's girlfriend] She's *spying* for you?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No. No!
Zack Addy: If you have nothing in common, it's difficult to sublimate intense sexual attraction.
[Bones glares at Zack]
Zack Addy: And we hear it's been a while.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Okay, stop.
Angela Montenegro: He is *there* for the taking, honey.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth arrives] Okay I couldn't get his medical records.
[everyone stops and looks at Booth]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Nothing.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, I told them to tell the Press it was an undercover operation.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: But it would be a Rose Garden Ceremony.... That's an honor, right?... I thought you FBI guys liked your medals.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No pleasure in taking someone's life.
[finishes his drink]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nothing to celebrate.

---

"Bones: The Blonde in the Game (#2.4)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Run her through the database, get an ID.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why don't you just ask him?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well because the last time Bones saw Epps, it got violent.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You'll be there to protect her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's not the one who needs protecting. Bones broke his wrist
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [flashback to when Bones broke Epps's wrist] He touched me with his creepy serial killer hands.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Better not take Dr. Brennan.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [telling Brennan, since she wasn't in the interview, that at one point Epps was implying that when Brennan broke his wrist, he couldn't masturbate] He made the point that he really needed his wrist.

Zack Addy: I had some thoughts. Perhaps the point isn't that German is a different language, but that it's actually a different language.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Great. Thanks, Zack, for being so helpful.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I got something for you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: A bottle of hard liquor?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Next best thing.
[Booth takes a small pig figurine out of his pocket, puts it in the palm of his hand, and moves very close to Brennan]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Meet Jasper.
[Both smiling, Brennan takes Jasper from Booth's hand and looks at it]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're gonna be okay.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [looks at Booth, with tears in her eyes] Yeah?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Definitely.

Howard Epps: Caroline's the best I could do in here.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, not your usual type, Howie. I mean, not young, not blonde.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Not dead.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, could you please shut up?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [getting offended] Excuse me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Epps] Is this why you duct-tape their mouths? Because *that* I understand.
Howard Epps: [leans forward slight pause] That's the lamest attempt at bonding I've ever seen.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well unlike you and Bones, Angela is uh..
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's better with the living that she is with the dead.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Fine. I'll go tell her what she just volunteered for.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: [Entering the suspect's house and finding a dog they encountered earlier] Oh great! Him again. I'll need a pinecone.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [advancing on the dog] Listen dog, I will shoot you in the head if you don't cut it out right now!
[dog stops barking]

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know you're afraid that Epps turn you into him- into a killer. You have to come to grips the fact that you killed another human being. Because when you kill someone, you know, there's a cost. It's a steep cost. I know I've done it.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I did the right thing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I know I was there.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Are you on some kind of medication?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones.
Caroline Epps: Dr. Brennan, I'm not one of those crazy women who falls in love with death row killers.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Obviously, that's exactly what you are.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You ever have a dog, Bones?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I always wanted a pig.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: A pig?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Very smart. And despite the popular misconception, very clean.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I prefer my pig with a little mint, a little honey glaze...
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Not funny.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, if you had a pet pig, what would you name him?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Jasper.

---

"Bones: The Man in the Morgue (#1.19)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Voodoo! Who's gonna believe that stuff?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's a religion, no crazier than... well, what are you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Catholic.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: They believe in the same saints you do... in prayer... what they call spells, you call miracles... they have priests...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We don't make zombies.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Jesus rose from the dead in three days...
[Booth looks at her in shock. Brennan picks up her phone]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Brennan...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Jesus is not a zombie!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, easy on the Catholics, okay? Just... easy.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, Bones, hows about while you're a murder suspect you act more like a normal woman and less like Lily Munster, 'kay?

Dr. Temperance Brennan: How did I get away? Graham got killed, I got away. How did I do that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, Bones, all those things that Caroline mentioned - the martial arts, the shooting, the assaults - you're just the type of woman that fights. You know? Maybe they didn't expect it, maybe they thought some kind of magic could hold you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't believe in magic.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Exactly. You're a surprising woman, and that's sometimes enough to get away.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [smiling at Booth] Why are you nice to me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because. Because they think they get away with it.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: They burn their victim. They blow him up. They toss him in the ocean. They bury them in the desert. They throw 'em into wood chippers. Sometimes, you know, years go by. They relax. Then they start living their lives like they didn't do anything wrong. Like they didn't spend somebody else's life in order to get what they got. They think they're safe from retribution. You make those bastards unsafe. That's why I'm nice to you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I couldn't do that without you, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. So, um, you should be a little nicer to me, huh?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I really should.

[Booth and Brennan are looking for Dr. Legier at his house]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Graham! Graham?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [under his breath] Cracker!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yeah, that's not funny.

[Booth storms into the room where Brennan is being questioned without knocking]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, you okay?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Booth, I told you not to come.
Detective Rose Harding: Who's this?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's... he's FBI. We're sort of partners.
Detective Rose Harding: A guy flies down from D.C., you're more than *sort of.*

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Can I make a lifestyle suggestion?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Go ahead.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, vacation - it's from the Latin 'vacatio' and means, you know, freedom and release - you might want to consider that next time
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Learning Latin?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: is the opposite of vacation. I mean, no wonder you snapped, went insane and totally lost your mind.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh, thanks for your understanding.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Booth, objects have no intrinsic power. A person's future does not depend on some thing. Things are just things. They do not have magical meaning or powers.
[Booth reveals the missing earring]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Where'd you get that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What does it matter? It's just a thing. Right?
[Booth hands her the earring]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: My mother's earring.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, uh... magical power over your future.
[Booth gets up and leaves]
Angela Montenegro: Does that prove something?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [looking at Earring] Yeah.
[looking after Booth]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It proves something.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: God, I'm hungry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, when was the last time you ate?
[Brennan rolls her eyes]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, my bad. You have amnesia.

Caroline Julian: I am doing you a favor taking this case, Booth. But as the lady cop says, I'm a prosecutor. And as it stands now, I could try this case in my PJs and still get a conviction.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, shouldn't you get to know your clients before you make snap judgments?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [warningly] Bones...
Caroline Julian: Fine. Stop me when I get something wrong. Trained in three types of martial arts, two assault charges, registered marksman with the NRA, hunting licenses in four states...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You hunt?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Only for food.
Caroline Julian: Shot an unarmed man.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: He was trying to set me on fire.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, just... just arrange bail for us, Caroline, so we can get out of here.
Caroline Julian: Sure, sure. Don't want to get this one mad at me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [whispers] You couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you?

---

"Bones: Fire in the Ice (#4.12)" (2009)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [opening the door] Hey. You two all right?... What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Want to wait outside?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But your hand might be broke. Do you want me to look at it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, that's all right. You can wait outside. It's the Men's Locker room, Bone.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Picking up a necklace on the victim] Wait a second.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, you're not wearing any gloves!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, I... do you remember that guy I punched out last month during my hockey game, Pete Carlson?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. When you broke your hand.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [indicating the body] That's him... I'm a suspect.
[Hands Bones the necklace and leaves]

Special Agent Payton Perotta: So, no alibi for that night or the next?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones and I are just partners.
Special Agent Payton Perotta: ...Okay... Now you're answering questions I had no intention of asking.

Special Agent Payton Perotta: Do you feel you experience as a child of an abusive alcoholic has made you more prone to violence?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...Excuse me.
[Booth leaves interrogation and goes into the Oberservation room]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What the hell are you doing here?
Dr. Lance Sweets: It's part of my job to assist the interrogating agent.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know I didn't murder anyone, Sweets! All right? So what you're doing right now is studying me!
Dr. Lance Sweets: That's part of our agreement too.

Dr. Lance Sweets: Underneath your affable exterior is a deep reservoir of rage. My question is: Do you always have that under control?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, if I didn't, you'd be dead right now instead of just wincing!
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'm not wincing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't ever bring my old man up again!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sweets, I've killed but I've never murdered before. Look up the difference in your little black book there, okay?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Waking up after getting hit by another Hockey player] Bones, what are you doing on the ice?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well I get nervous when you fall down and don't get up.

Wendell Bray: [Still disoriented after he gets knocked out during a hockey game] Don't worry. I got the blood.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Good work, Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: *I'm* Bones.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That Agent Perotta, she really... enjoyed working with us.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But, uh, you're the only FBI Agent I want to work with.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [while ice skating] Hey, you know what? Forget about Agent Perotta, all right? Nothing gonna change between me and you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well entropy is a natural force that pulls everything apart at a subatomic level. Everything changes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Not everything, Bones.
[gives Bones a push]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Bones laughs] Don't.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Not everything.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're gonna make me fall.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm never gonna make you fall. I'm always here.

---

"Bones: The Baby in the Bough (#3.12)" (2008)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Tax shelter? Exactly how loaded are you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well *that* is an offensive way to phrase the question, but... quite loaded. I'm betting a seven figure advance for my next book.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Seven figures? Wow! Without the decimal point?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The publisher makes considerably more.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What's the first of those seven figures?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: A prime number. What do you do with your money?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Use it for food, rent.

Sheriff Delpy: Barely a scratch on the boy. It's a miracle.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Hardly, Car seats are specifically emgineered to protect the child.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: From what? Flying out of the back of the car and landing in a tree?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh look at him, Bones. He looks a little fussy there. Why don't you pick him up and give him a cuddle.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical powers over infants. You're the one with a son.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right. Fine. I'll take him. Here you go.
[hands the diaper bag to Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You have fun with the diaper bag. You look good.
[picking up the baby]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Come here little man.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh no. He must've…
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan, Special Agent Seeley Booth: …swallowed it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [handing the baby to Bones] Okay here you go. Get used to him.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What do you mean?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That key was evidence. You know how chain of custody works. The kid stays with us until we get the key back.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't understand. He's been fed, he's changed. I patted him. And now he's just complaining.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He's acting like a real kid.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No one filled a report, Booth. No one's worried about him.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, well you are.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [pulling up to the victim's home] Front door is open, you stay here.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, there's a *baby* involved. You hear gunfire, anything like that, drive away!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm not leaving you!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes you will! Because this is about the *baby*, *not* me. Promise me!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [pause; Bones looks at the baby then at Booth] I promise.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: First the key, now jewelry! What's next? You gonna let him play with a bowling ball?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm *watching* him!

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You have no idea what that place is like, Booth. Med students, under funded, under staffed.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: His mother is dead. His father is a felon. I've been in his situation, Booth. I'm *not* turning him over until I'm satisfied he is somewhere safe, where he'll get the care he deserves!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine. He can stay with us... for now.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thank you.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I think he's making the face again.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as he's changing the diaper] I'm serious, Bone. *Next* time, *you're* changing the diaper!

---

"Bones: The Man in the Bear (#1.4)" (2005)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: What if I have to shoot? What part of his body should I hit?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The part that isn't me.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, you're nuts, okay? We get it. We don't need to hear the rambling psycho-speech on why you did it.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're a smart-ass, you know that?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Objectively, I'd say I'm very smart. Although it has nothing to do with my ass.

Sheriff Chris Scutter: We see this kind of thing all the time - kids come up here, get baked, do their own version of the Blair Witch Project.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Horror movie, Bones... didn't make any sense.
Sheriff Chris Scutter: Scary, though, with the bloody handprints.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Does a bear scat in the woods?

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Do you realize when we go to trial he could use the insanity defense.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The guy *is* nuts.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yes, but is he nuts because he got a brain disease from eating human flesh, *or* was he already nuts the first time he ate flesh, *or* did he just lick his fingers after surgery?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I should just become a vegetarian.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Or, as an alternative, just don't eat people.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, you're a smart ass, you know that?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Objectively I'd say I'm very smart, although it has nothing to do with my ass.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [gives Temperance a gun] This is only for self-defence
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What part do I aim for?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Any part that isn't me.

---

"Bones: Harbingers in a Fountain (#5.1)" (2009)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What did you want to tell me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That I love you... In a professional, 'atta girl' kind of way.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: 'Atta girl' kind of way? Right back at'cha Booth. I love you too. 'Atta Boy.'

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] I got it. I got it. Just relax. Just trust me, alright? I'll take care of you. Shhh, I got you. Breathe. I'll take care of you I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I got you baby.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I am back baby! Huh? Special Agent Seely Joseph Booth.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes! We're back.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're the one who told me never to look happy at a crime scene.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. We'll look happy after we find out who did this horrible crime and get them behind bars.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Right.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, um. That place I went to. You know, in my coma dream, it was just - Bones and I were so real...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You're in love with Dr. Brennan.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: My advice for what it's worth. Forget the bruised brain and go with the lion heart.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Right. Yeah, and uh, tell Bones how I feel.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes. *Except* be sure about your feelings. Because if you crack that shell, and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone again.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sorry, Ang. You know it's... my first case back. You know it's been a long day. Maybe I got something to prove. Sorry, you look - you look beautiful.
[Angela chuckles and kisses him on the forehead]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh. Woul dyou like *me* to kiss you on the forehead too?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sure.
[Bones chuckles and walks away]

Dr. Lance Sweets: Now, I think you and I both know Dr. Brennan's hyper rationality is really just a cover for her vulnerable and sensitive core.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh great. So we're talking about Bones's brains too here.
Dr. Lance Sweets: So if you breach those defenses and you don't really love her... Left you hard copies.

Caroline Julian: That's a lot of blood.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm fine. This is Bones's blood.
Caroline Julian: That's supposed to be good?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's fine. They fixed her and uh, sent her home.

---

"Bones: A Boy in a Tree (#1.3)" (2005)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [flashes his badge] FBI Special Agent Seely Booth and a forensic anthropologist.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Dr. Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian Institute.
Zack Addy: Plus one crack assistant.

Mickey Santana: In order for an investigation to occur, you, Dr. Brennan, have to declare it a murder.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: Without an investigation, we can't find out if it's a murder, but there'll be no investigation unless Dr. Brennan declares it to be a murder.
[to Brennan]
Dr. Daniel Goodman: Shall I send for a philosopher?
Mickey Santana: Look, you're very experienced within your field, on bones and such, right? Doesn't your gut say "suicide"?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't actually use my gut for that, sir.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She really, really doesn't.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: Like all of us at the Jeffersonian, Dr. Brennan prefers science to the digestive tract.

Mickey Santana: [to Booth] What about your gut?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: My gut says it stinks.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: [to Brennan] If he smells with his gut, what does he use his nose for?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [reading the school sign aloud] Omnia Mea Mecum Porto. What does that mean: regular people stay out?
Dr. Temperance Brennan, Zack Addy: I carry with me all my things.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I've been thinking about your whole "something stinks" aptitude.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh yeah?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I think you have a subconscious knack for reading body language. Stress in the voice, other subtle yet discernible indicators. It's not mysterious, but it is impressive, and in the future...
[deep breath]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: ...I will try to accord it an appropriate degree of objective worth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thank you, Temperance. I appreciate that. So, uh, what part of "this is mine" did you not understand? Have to say it in Latin?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [gets up slowly, smiling slightly, and hands him the access pass he wanted while saying] Absit invidia.
["Let ill will be absent", i.e. "No offense"]

Dr. Temperance Brennan: You were right about the school, serving pudding.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stirring the pudding...

Headmaster: Given your hostility, it's time we bring in a lawyer to advise us.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Or you take my advice. If you don't answer my questions, I'll take you down to FBI headquarters in handcuffs.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: He'll do it. He doesn't like you.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: [after catching the head that fell from the tree] I am going to need an evidence bag.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Heads up!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [the body falls from the tree] I am going to need a bigger bag.

Zack Addy: Sometime, when you're not busy, I wonder if I could ask you a few questions about sexual positions?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: If you even try, I will take out my gun and shoot you between the eyes.

---

"Bones: Pilot (#1.1)" (2005)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: When the FBI gets stuck, we call in the squints.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Squints?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, you squint at things.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh, you mean people with high IQ's and basic reasoning skill?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones identifies bodies for us.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Don't call me Bones, and I do more than identify.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: That guy bleeds to death, Bones will go on trial for attempted murder. You don't want that, now, do you?
Oliver Laurier: I wouldn't want that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. Besides, you know, uh, applying pressure that can be very painful.
[Oliver shrugs again, nods once, and shuffles over to stop the bleeding]

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are you trying to do?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Blackmail you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Blackmail a federal agent.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't like it.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm fairly certain you're not supposed to.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine. You're in.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What's it going to take?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Full participation in the case.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Not just lab work. Everything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? You want me to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You expect me, a federal agent, to declare war on a United States senator based on your little holographic crystal ball?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's not magic. It's a logical recreation of events based on evidence.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: A decomposed corpse was found this morning at Arlington National Cemetery...
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Arlington National Cemetery is full of decomposed corpses. It's... a cemetery.

[Booth and Bones are looking in a lake for a body]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What, exactly, am I supposed to be *squinting* at?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's like pornography - you'll know when you see it.

---

"Bones: The Passenger in the Oven (#4.9)" (2008)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: [passengers applauding as the airplane lands and Booth arrests the murderer] Thank you, thank you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The applause was for the plane landing.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: See, uh, we're partners. We like being together.
Kate McNutt: Your sexual relationship's not relevant sir. This is first class.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [to Booth] Why does everyone else think we have a sexual realtionship? I mean, we barely even touch each other.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Theresa] You? Were you a spy or a smuggler?
Kate McNutt: No. She's in love, Agent Booth. And her boyfriend works for this airline at the Shanghai airport.
Captain Blake: That's against the rules!
Theresa Ming: [Glaring at Captain Blake] So's having sex with passengers in the bathroom!
Captain Blake: ...Okay. I think we're all under a lot of stress here.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Seeing Bones wearing glasses] Right. What I want you to do is take off your glasses, shake out your hair and say "Mr. Booth, do you know what the penalty is for an overdue book?"
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Never mind.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Into the mic] Attention everyone. I need to requistion some denture cream, baby powder and a butane lighter.
Theresa Ming: [Quietly to Booth] Lighter's are strictly forbidden on an aircraft.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So's murder.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what Sweets, you're the man of the hour! I owe you a beer and a rye chaser, my friend.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Sounds like it would make me sick.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Caroline, I'm ready to make an arrest.
Caroline Julian: You're more than sure right, cherie. You're *damn* sure.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well it's circumstantial, but it's uh, compelling. So do you have a warrant to sign?
Caroline Julian: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well sign it so I can make the arrest.
Arthur Bilbrey: Just a minute please.
Caroline Julian: That's the lawyer, right? You can always tell a damn lawyer.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm the one who dragged you out of pure sciene and... pulled you into murder-solving.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: That's not how I remember it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Really?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yes. As I recall, I had to force you to take me into the field.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Really?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yes. You didn't want to, remember? This is all my fault.

---

"Bones: The Double Death of the Dearly Departed (#4.21)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Drink up will ya.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Cause I'm hoping that you're gonna pass out.

Angela Montenegro: Hey, you stole the body?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No. No. No. We didn't steal it, you see? We *borrowed* it. Okay? Cam and Bones think it was translated.
Angela Montenegro: Uh, what?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Translated. It's code for murder. That's how we're saying it today. Translated.

Angela Montenegro: [while using Booth's computer] So while I'm in here, mind if I erase a few parking tickets?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Tell you what, you know I'm not going to relax until we get Hank's body back in that casket. All right?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There are no such things as zombies. Just an island superstition.
Dr. Jonah Amayo: And now you've managed to insult an entire culture and their belief system.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She does that to everyone.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay, we stole Hank's body in order to confirm he was murdered.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan, Special Agent Seeley Booth: Translated!
Dr. Lance Sweets: You're totally yanking my chain!

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, do you think Barney killed Hank?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why don't you ask him?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why? Is it because I'm an attractive, sexy, young woman who can loosen his tongue?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh definitely, of course there's that. Plus he wants you to publish his book.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: When I inevitably drop dead before you. I'd like you come out and spend some time and talk to me every once in a while.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'll feel foolish knowing you can't hear me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Promise.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...I promise.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, there you go. Huh? You agreed. I didn't think you would agree. Now, why did you agree?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I believe that if I pretended you were still here. I would feel better for a moment. Also speaking to you would require me to figuratively look at myself through your eyes, again temporarily. And I think that would make me live my life more successfully.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what Bones? That's the best thing that anyone has ever said about me.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just make sure when they put me in the ground, I'm dead.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No problem.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Maybe uh, you know, leave my body our for a few hours and check on me every once in a while.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'd rather refrigerate, or you'd start to smell.

---

"Bones: The End in the Beginning (#4.25)" (2009)

Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: You know that glass of wine we share every night?
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Yeah.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: I have to stop that.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Oh come on, Bren. Just because you have one glass of wine every night with your husband, doesn't mean you're an alcoholic.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: That's not why.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: [pause realizes what she means] No?
[Bren chuckles]
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Yeah! You're pregnant? A little boy, huh?
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: Or girl.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're awake. Your operation was a success, but you reacted poorly to the anesthia. You've been in a coma for 4 days.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It felt so real.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It wasn't real.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Who are you?

Detective Camille Saroyan: Good morning, I'm Detective Saroyan.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Yeah, I know who you are. You're my brother's partner.
Jared Booth: She prefers the term "boss."
Detective Camille Saroyan: Official visit. See the badge?

Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: Cam says the reason I didn't hear the gunshot is because I'm cheating on you.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Oh, well Jared thinks I'm the killer. He's helping me get away with it.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: So you're a murderer. I'm unfaithful. We are an exciting couple.

Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: Max told me he works for the Gravedigger.
[Booth scoffs]
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: He told me something else. He said that Jared works for him too.
[Booth groans]
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: Don't get so mad. Max could be lying.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Look, I'm mad because I don't find it hard to believe at all.

Lance Sweets: Hey, so uh, we're Gormagon. Um, I mean the name of the band is Gormagon. Some people think I'm Gormagon, but I'm not. It's like there's no one named Floyd in Pink Floyd.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Just play Sweets.
Lance Sweets: Yeah.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: [Quietly to Booth] Gormagon's a stupid name. What does it even mean?

Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: What about entertainment?
Angela Montenegro: I thought Sweets was fantabulisticulous.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Nah. We got the Crue.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: What crew?

Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Should I be upset that everyone thinks we're murderers, or just happy that everyone is trying to help us get away with it?
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: You should recognize that everything they do to help us, make us look more guilty, especially you.

---

"Bones: The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond (#4.4)" (2008)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If your back doesn't hurt then why are you letting me drive?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well you know what? Don't get used to it. because I heal really really fast.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: My guys, they didn't find the victim's head in the pool. All right? So I've put out a bulletin to orthopedic doctors within 200 miles of the body drop.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The body parts drop. The victim was killed chopped up, and then dropped.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Breaking in a new intern, aren't you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did you know?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well because, you know, you're always get overly precise. That's how I ususally know.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sweets, what are you doing?
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'm putting myself in the mind of an obsessive compulsive in order to figure out where I might conseal a... memory enhancer, a psycho-sexual proxy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Right. What's that mean?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Masturbatory aide.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, check the shoes.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Good.
[Starts checking the shoes]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: WHAT? You're not going to find it in the shoes.
[Sweets holds up something]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Do all boys keep their masturbatory aides in their shoes or is that particular to *you*?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's for me to know and you to find out.

Gary Tushman: Book-wise, it's no longer about good writing per-se. It's about marketability.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Of the book.
Gary Tushman: Of the author. There's a reason why your photo takes up the entire back cover of your books.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because I'm a very good writer.
Gary Tushman: You're serviceable, but your success is contingent on your image as a hot scientist chick.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's not true, is it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Of course not! Don't call my partner a chick! What's the matter with you?

Dr. Jack Hodgins: I just wish Zack was here, that's all.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You gotta get over it. Zack's not coming back!
Dr. Zack Addy: I know where to find the victim's head.
[Everyone turns and stare at Zack]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is not good.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did you get out?
Dr. Zack Addy: You don't look happy to see me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, we're not!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: *I* am. I really am.

Dr. Lance Sweets: [Booth is about to enter his car] Wait... What if he... look I don't know what if he overpowers me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Zack?
Dr. Zack Addy: I'm much stronger than I look.
Dr. Lance Sweets: He's done it before. He killed a man.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay. Zack, promise you're not gonna kill Sweet.
Dr. Zack Addy: I promise.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: There you go.
[Goes to his car]
Dr. Zack Addy: [dejectedly] Yeah.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [slight chuckle] There you go.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You know my reviews, Booth. But... do you read my books?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Every single word.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You never said anything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well I figured, you know, I'm all over your real world. Why would you want me in your fantasy world too?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Professor Amerian] Was Jared Addison one of your students?
Jim Amerian: I'm bound by patient confidentiality, I'm sure you understand?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Jared was chopped into pieces and tossed away into an industrial pool.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And that is not one of your... therapy exercises, now is it?

---

"Bones: Aliens in a Spaceship (#2.9)" (2006)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Had it occurred to you that God is a lot like the Grave Digger?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
[does a double take]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wha-what?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: He lays down the rules, no way to question him or negotiate. Then, it's almost as though he doesn't care how it works out. Either you do as he says, make some sacrifices and are delivered, or you don't and you end up in Hell.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: God does not make mistakes.
Angela Montenegro: I don't know - putting testicles on the outside doesn't seem like such a good idea.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I tried all the dumb guy normal stuff, okay! That's why I'm here talking to the brain trust, all righ. THINK, Eggheads! WORK IT!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're running out of time.
Zack Addy: Minor correction. Dr. Brennan and Hodgins will run out of time in four seconds
[everyone looks at the timer as it goes down to 0]
Zack Addy: We are out of time.

Zack Addy: You're forgetting something! Brennan and Hodgins are out of air.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Great. You wanna give up, huh? This Bones we're talking about and Hodgins. You really think they didn't find a way to extend their air supply? Hell found a way to send us a message, asked us for help! And you wanna give up because of MATH?

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm okay with you thanking God for saving me and Hodgins.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's not what I'm thanking God for. I thanked him for saving all of us. It was all of us. Every single one. You take one of us away and you and Hodgins are in that hole forever. And I'm thankful for that.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I knew you wouldn't give up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I knew you wouldn't give up.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: The Grave Digger is not God, Bones, because God does not make mistakes.
Angela Montenegro: Mmm I don't know. Putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a good idea.

---

"Bones: The Beaver in the Otter (#4.23)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Tell you what, Bones, you know when I was in college, my frat. We stole a cadaver, dressed it like Caesar, put it on statue of a horse.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Would this, by any chance, be a fraternity of sociopaths?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I think you'll find your missing Medical School Cadaver over there.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sitting in the bleachers. He hasn't moved since we got here.
Sheriff Tina Mullins: No. That's just campus security. They're always like that. But I'll go check it out.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What they gotta do is build their frontal lobe with exercise. That comes from doing the wrong thing.
Dr. Lance Sweets: So your theory is: you've got to be bad to be good?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Exactly. Facts of life my friend.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You want me to come to India with you?
Jared Booth: Ball's in your court brother.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If you go with him, then he won't be alone. You won't let him be bad. And his frontal lobe will always be the size of a raisin. That's what you said. Makes no scientific sense.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, I said that. Got it.

Arastoo Vaziri: Dr. Brennan said to be especially nice to you when the science was difficult.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How stupid do you people think I am?

Jared Booth: So come as a friend.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We both know I'm not your friend. I'm your big brother.
Jared Booth: Yep.

---

"Bones: The Cinderella in the Cardboard (#4.19)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, I'm just saying that life is a lot more than what you cook up with your chemistry sets. Miracles do happen.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Love is a chemical process which causes delusion. An intellectually rigorous person would never get married!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Never say never.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's a paradox, makes no sense.
Dr. Marcus Scheer: Am I still needed here? Because if you two are having relationship issues, I should...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We're not a couple.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We just work together. That's all.

Mrs. Lucia Bertolino: You know this veil would be perfect for you dear.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, well, it's symbol of virginity and I've been sexually active since I was...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, Bones, we really have to get going.
[to Mrs. Bertolino]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thank you so much for your help.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why'd you tell Sweets? He's gonna come in here. He's gonna cry and stuff.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Sweets stands at the doorway and knocks] Excuse me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, God.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Um, do you have a minute?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Of course.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I was talking to Agent Booth. I need a minute alone.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sure.
[Bones leaves]

Special Agent Seeley Booth: If you were your own patient, what kind of advice would you give yourself?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Impressive. Turn the question back on me. It's a classic theraputic technique. It's really, really annoying.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Did it work?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. I should confront her. I should be candid. You're right. You're right. It's the only way. Thank you.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look Bones, you can't go around telling everybody what's on your mind even though it's the truth. Okay? What if we were going out, right? And you were, you know, taking forever to get ready. You come out in this dress, and I told you I didn't like it. What are you gonna do?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'd reevaluate. Change or ignore you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Of course you would Bones. Good answer.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know intellectually jealousy is absurd, but I see that it's real for people... I even experience it myself.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...So, what are you jealous of?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Angela. Hodgins. Cam. You.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because you all want to lose yourself in another person. You believe that love is trancedent and eternal... I want to believe that too.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, you will... I promise. Someday you will.

---

"Bones: The Man in the Fallout Shelter (#1.9)" (2005)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: You have a son?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You've never mentioned that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [about the fact that he's going to give his son the robot Zack made] That weirdo assistant of yours just made me the coolest dad in the world.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are those little tiny lights dancing on the ceiling?
Dr. Daniel Goodman: For the third time, those are minute firings of neurons on your optic nerve due to your reaction to the anti-fungal cocktail.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wow, whoa. They're beautiful.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: You are stoned, Agent Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [laughs] Oh, good. Let's hope it lasts long enough to keep this from being the worst Christmas of my life.
[... ]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are those little lights on the ceiling again?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Zac and Hodgins] Okay, you know what? If this fatal, I will *shoot* both of you.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, right... right... you can't measure the man in the beaker so he can't possibly exist.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: The man upstairs?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hm. You know, you don't know if you're sick, but you're more than willing to take drugs just in case. Seems to me you should give the man upstairs the same benefit of the doubt that you do an invisible fungus.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [still high from the anti-fungals] Bones! It's Christmas Eve day! Both an eve and a day. It's a Christmas miracle!

---

"Bones: The Bond in the Boot (#5.2)" (2009)

Harold Prescott: You shot a clown.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: A mechanical clown. You tell me you never wanted to do that?
Harold Prescott: This one has to be done with discretion. I mean, it's not just your career, it's mine too. I mean, you're old, but I'm still
[Booth starts to rise. Prescott hands Booth the file]
Harold Prescott: Here.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to Sweets] Since the coma, Booth can't remember how to take care of his own plumbing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, that's great. You make it sound like I gotta wear diapers.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Finding a body in a car trunk] Whoa! Okay. That is going to *kill* the Bluebook value.

Mandy Summers: We weren't supposed to date. I guess it's not like the FBI. We're not allowed to sleep with someone we're working with.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Wha - is she talking about us?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're not...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No!
Mandy Summers: Oh, it's okay. I'm CIA. My lips are sealed.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You want to know what's in that case? You call in the cavalry!
Arthur Rutledge: I know how to do my job.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well then how come we found the killer and the case?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: The Stars on the Memorial Wall represent agents who died courageously while serving their country.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Memorial Walls are reserved for agents. Mr. Dorit was not an agent.
Arthur Rutledge: In Mr. Dorit's case, I asked that an exception be made.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, Bones. I'm glad that we don't have any secrets between each other.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah. I like that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I mean, if we have something on our mind we just share it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sure. Even with all the financial and intellectual contradictions I still feel close to you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Because, you know, none of that matters anyway.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, sometimes looking at it through your eyes, I believe that.

---

"Bones: The Man in the Mansion (#2.14)" (2007)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I slept with Sully last night.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I thought you already...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. Last night.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, well, it's really none of my business.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Except that we're partners.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, there's that.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And you told me about your socks.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, sex, socks, they're pretty much the same word.

Caroline Julian: I already got no proof how the victim got hold of that heroin. Now you're saying I can't put Hodgins on the stand? Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You don't wanna know the answer to that.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why doesn't she wanna know?
Caroline Julian: As the prosecutor in this case, I'm obliged to share everything I know with the defense.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Just because Clarissa Bancroft and I...
Caroline Julian: Whoa! Goodnight!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You just don't get it.
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: What? I'm asking for guy advice. You are a guy. What's not to get?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: First of all, guys, they don't ask for advice. And secondly, I am not gonna help you get my partner into bed.
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: Why not? It's not like you want her.
[Booth doesn't answer but looks decidedly uncomfortable]
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: Unless... do you want her?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nah. Come on, Bones is, you know, she's my partner.
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: Ohh, that's why you need psychiatric treatment - because you have the hots for your partner!

Dr. Jack Hodgins: I figure, a guy like you, I resign, that puts things right between us. Do we need to discuss it past that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are we, girls?
[to the person behind the counter]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: A piece of pie for my friend.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [speaking of prosecutor and defense] Oh, they were married.
[squints look at Booth]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: They have a daughter, second year at M.I.T.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Does anyone else see the irony here?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Good job, Hodgins.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, not 'good job, Hodgins'! He might've blown the whole case!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I told him it is *not* a problem.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What happened?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, I don't care what he does on his time off. But when he screws around with evidence to get in the pants of an old girlfriend on one of *my* murder cases, that's a *problem!*

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Wow- those socks! Those are amazing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's right. The socks, the tie, the belt buckle- all escape valves from my socioeconomic rage.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I hate psychology.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, you know, they help meal with the day to day irritations of dealing with people that are more privileged.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I slept with Sully last night.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, I thought you already, uh...
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No. Last night.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh. It's really none of my business.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Except, we're partners.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, there's that.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: And you told me about your socks.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sex, socks- pretty much the same word.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Do we have a case or are you just visiting?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah! It's messy. Better get some protection.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Let me get my gum boots.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to himself] Yeah. I'm gonna need a flashier tie.

---

"Bones: The Foot in the Foreclosure (#5.8)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, if he wants to be with me now. It's cool.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, what if he wants to make it permanent.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's family, Bones. Okay? Nothing, trumps family. Remember that Bones.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, a woman is dead Ms. Selnick. That doesn't bother you at all?
Katie Selnick: I know it should. My therapist says I'm afraid to feel.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you know what? You really should be afraid of going to jail for obstructing a murder investigation. I want those names tomorrow. Tomorrow!

Hank: Yeah, and don't worry. Whenever you need a little privacy with that bone doctor, I'll make myself scarce.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks, but there's nothing going on between us.
Hank: You gay?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? No!
Hank: She's a keeper! You should listen to me, I warned you about Rebecca being a waste of time, didn't I?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know Pops, I can take care of my own love life.
Hank: I don't think so.

Hank: Always so proper. Will you loosen up?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He's quite skittish when the subject of sex comes up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No I'm not.
Hank: Maybe I didn't give him enough information when he was a kid.

Hank: You should go on a gameshow. You'd clean up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I tell her that *all the time*. But you know, she's already loaded.
Hank: She's got talent, charm, beauty, money. And you're just friends?... I didn't raise you very well.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, what about the orderlies?
Hank: Ah, don't worry about them. They're used to being hit by me.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Quietly to Bones after Hank has a private word with her] What'd he say to you?
Hank: None of your business!

---

"Bones: The Science in the Physicist (#4.18)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Dead guy. What about the dead guy?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's obvious. He was frost bitten while climbing Everest then struck by a meteor then dumped into a vacant lot in two garbage bags and eaten by crows.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, obvious. That's so obvious.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a start.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [From inside the lab] FIRE IN THE HOLE!
[Cannon goes off. Booth tries to shield Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What the hell was that?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Hodgins exits the lab] We're okay. Everything's okay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We should get out of here before lock down. Let Cam deal with it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. All right.
[They both run for the exit as the alarm goes off]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [to Hodgins and Nigel] You know you're grounded, right?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're testing me on the cancer chair?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, you're wearing a suit. Plus it's not radioactive anymore... We're going to need to take this chair.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No. No. No. You don't just go around doing human testing on people, Bones!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's just...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I gotta go to the bathroom.
[Booth leaves]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I touched it with my bare hands... See?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So you think that two people who care about each other, they leave metamophorical marks which should be allowed to fade naturally?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You heard me but you just didn't understand me.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I wonder that about you all the time.

Landis Collar: [Bones and Booth are yelling at each other because they can't hear] You two might want to try resting before communicating. Don't need to be deaf as well as blind.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: WHAT?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? You're the only smart person I really like.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thank you.
[They start to leave interrogation together]
Dr. Lance Sweets: What about me?
[the door closes]

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, listen... We just gotta stop hanging out with geniuses because you're gonna figure out that I'm really stupid.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What? Don't worry about that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hmm?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I figured out a long time ago how stupid you are.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hmm.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What I just said is... true. And yet it... really sounded wrong. What I should say is that I don't care how stupid you are... It's not any better?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No. Not at all.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [the squints join them] Okay, well, there is intelligence which I have, and Mr. Nigel-Murray.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Oh thank you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And Sweets, even though, his is so misdirected as to be meaningless.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Wow. Backhand full of knuckles with that compliment.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And Hodgins... And Angela... not so much, but she's very talented.
Angela Montenegro: Thank you very much.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're welcome. But then there's another quality. Which is the ability to use intelligence. That is what you have.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks Bones.

---

"Bones: The Goop on the Girl (#5.10)" (2009)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I have to remove your pants.
[Starts removing Booth's pants]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right. You know, I'm just going to start reciting some saints. Saint Joseph, Saint Peter, Saint Paul, Saint John...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Cam enters. Long pause] Anyone for mistletoe?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I-I'm just recovering evidence.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just evidence, that's all.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Interesting.

Angela Montenegro: [Angela laughs as she spots Bones pushing half naked Booth on a cart] Are we experimenting on Booth? Because if so I'd like to help out.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Make fun of the naked guy. Knock yourself out.

Owen Thiel: You're a flunky of a corrupt regime. It's my *duty* to resist you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I should warn you, he-he's very hard to resist.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sure.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right, because you know what? Your little pirate radio frequency set off the bomb. Right before the robber was about to get arrested.
Owen Thiel: Must have been a coincidence.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just a coincidence. You should keep saying that to yourself over and over again so you can *believe* it!

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: My dad brought my second cousin and... I really didn't like her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That makes sense.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well because she's family. I mean 90% of the time, family just gets under your skin. That's the difference between family and friends.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh wow! Who's this, your sister?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. Um, my second cousin.
Margaret Whitesell: I'm Margaret.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There's no resemblance.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What do you mean? You're both beautiful.

Owen Thiel: Freedom of speech. I have the right to be heard.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Legally, yeah. Maybe you should think about saying something worth hearing.
Owen Thiel: Look, it - it wasn't my fault!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You spew that poison out in the airways. This happened, you know it!
[to a nearby FBI Agent]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Agent, show him out!

---

"Bones: The Dwarf in the Dirt (#5.7)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I just need you to help me fire my gun.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: That sounds desperately phallic. Is this, maybe a sexual problem?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't say that. Don't even put that out on the air.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Booth knocks out a wrestler] What'd you expect me to do? He came at me like a rabid ferret.
[Bones blows him a raspberry]

Gidget Jones: What can I say? Got a thing for bad boys?
[to Bones]
Gidget Jones: Don't you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I prefer good boys.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Quietly] Really?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Quietly] Yes.

Nicole DaFonte: Are you going to tell Derek about us?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No, I'm not going to say anything to him. But I will tell you that if you've been in love with another man for 10 years, your husband knows.

Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Temperance Brennan. You're in love with her. You're building a world around her. A family.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're not compatible. She sees the world one way. I see it...
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: No. Of course, it's absolutely ludicrous the idea of you two together. *But* the heart chooses what it chooses, we don't really have a say in the matter.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: So... about my marksmanship certification, any advice?
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Grow a set! Be a man! Step up! She's your partner for Heaven's sakes. The job you do is highly dangerous. She counts on you for protection. So you damn well better protect her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's your big psychiatric advice. Just grow a set?
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Indeed, when it comes to a man and his gun, a woman is the natural cure. Take Dr. Brennan to this, um, shooting event. You won't fail in front of her. Trust me.

---

"Bones: The Girl in Suite 2103 (#2.6)" (2006)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Debris embedded in the remains suggests an explosion.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So does that giant hole in the wall.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [answering the phone] Bugs, slime, particulates, what's your poison?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hodgins, just listen. Don't say anything. Just do as I ask. ... You there?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You told me not to say anything.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look okay, listen to me. I need you in your craziest most paranoid conspiracy mode to call the FAA and tell them that a private flight to Bogota is about to leave Kent Island Private Airport and is carrying aliens or-or terrorists, you know. You know what to do. Now do you got any questions?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Just one: Full court press, no holds barred, maximum effort?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just stop the plane from taking off.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What will happen to Hodgins if the State Department finds out?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Know what? Better they *don't* find out!

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Shouldn't we do something?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [scoffs] Are you kidding? Hodgins being abducted by men in black, that's a dream come true.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? The bomber was a female?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The sciatic notch doesn't lie!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Neither does the vagina.

---

"Bones: The Santa in the Slush (#3.9)" (2007)

Dr. Lance Sweets: I don't understand has there been some kind of crisis?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. I have a crisis.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [quietly] Bones, it was just mistletoe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...Not the kiss. That was nothing.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You *kissed*?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Mistletoe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's not the crisis.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Was there tongue?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, you know what? Get your own sex life.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That has nothing to do with sex.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nothing.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: There was no s- It was mistletoe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Totally sexless.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [after kissing Booth] It was like kissing my brother.
Caroline Julian: You sure must like your brother.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She does.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Bones is hanging mistletoe in her office] What is with the mistletoe?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I was going to talk to you about this. Caroline wants us to kiss under the mistletoe.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's the only way she'll make Christmas for my family.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What, by having us kiss?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because she's feeling puckish.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Puckish? What's that mean?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Listen, Booth, she's gonna be here any second. Do you want some gum?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, my breath is just fine. Alright, look, I'll have a talk with Caroline.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [surprised] No?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm only telling you out of professional courtesy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So that you won't be surprised.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, when you say kiss, you mean like kiss-kiss, like on both cheeks?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, the lips.
[Booth gives a little apprehensive smile]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Like brother and sister. Colleagues. French people meeting on the street.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Caroline's feeling puckish, huh?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It means playful and impish.
Caroline Julian: [Caroline walks in] Congratulations. I hear you have a suspect in the Santa slaying.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Well, it looks like the Easter Bunny has nothing to worry about.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Did you talk to the judge about the trailer?
Caroline Julian: Yes, I did. What about your end?
[Bones points to the mistletoe]
Caroline Julian: Well! Look at that. Mistletoe. You take a step to your right, you'll be right under the cute little sprig.
[She shoves Booth so he's standing under the mistletoe with Bones. He stammers a slight protest, gives up, and he and Bones kiss]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Was that enough steamboats?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [She and Booth have just kissed under the mistletoe] Was that enough steamboats?
Caroline Julian: Plenty. A whole flotilla.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't know what that means, but, um, Merry Christmas.

Dr. Lance Sweets: I don't understand, has there been some kind of crisis?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes, I have a crisis.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, it was just mistletoe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Not the kiss, that was nothing.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You kissed?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: *Mistletoe.*
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's not the crisis.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Was there tongue?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright, you know what, get your own sex life.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Scoffs] That has nothing to do with sex.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nothing.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: There was no... it was... mistletoe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It was totally sexless.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'm all ears.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, who is a very honest person, says that at this time of year deception is necessary for the happiness of little children.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, I'm being misquoted.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Booth is absolutely right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She got the gist...
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah, there's a fictional element to Christmas.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You mean the whole 'Birth of a Savior' rigamarole.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It is *not* rigamarole.
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, no. Dr. Brennan, it's the feeling of Christmas. What people call the Christmas spirit. It's a kind of dream or hope we carry with us from childhood. But as adults...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Are you including you in that?
Dr. Lance Sweets: As adults we're imbued by the pragmatic ruitines of life, which makes it difficult for us to regard anything with childlike wonder. But, you know, it's alright for us to try. We put on silly hats, and drape trees with sparkly lights, and wrap gifts in garish paper, and that's good for us. It's not only alright for us to allow children the transient experience of innocence and joy, it's our responsibility.
[Bones and Booth contemplate that for a bit]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I found that very helpful.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Scoffs] It's what I've been saying for the past four days.

---

"Bones: Bodies in the Book (#2.15)" (2007)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after firing shots at the door lock] My therapist is going to be pissed.

Oliver Laurier: Some of the Brennanites were skeptical, but I told them
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Did he just say 'Brennanites'?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, don't try the psychology stuff. It's really not a pretty sight.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So our suspects agreed to kill for each other, so they'd each have an alibi?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So all I need from you people is some proof, okay?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Oh, oh, is - is *that* all?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: She thinks we have three separate killers.
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: That's one hell of a coincidence.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Or one hell of a conspiracy. You know she sounded pretty certain. And I trust her when she's all calm and relaxed.
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: I'll remember that.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm going to need a flashier tie...

---

"Bones: The Tough Man in the Tender Chicken (#5.6)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, so you want me to go ask the Defense Department if their experimental Super Soldier is half-man half-chicken?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Now you're just delving into pure science fiction.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Like a flatworm that's not science fiction. Or half-chicken that's not considered half-chicken.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Quietly] Everything okay there, Bones? I know when there's something wrong with you. Something's wrong, right? What can I do to help?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Angela and I had a fight.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Loudly] Nothing I can do to help!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You want to hear about it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Why not?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why? Because her and Angela are best friends. And Bones is gonna want me to take her side and agree that Angela was wrong. And then you know, the two of them are going to make up and then they're going to get mad at me. So no thank you.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen Bones, I would do anything for you. I would die for you. I would kill for you. But I am *not* getting between two best friends.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth grabs Bones's hand as she's leaving] Whoa. Whoa. Listen Bones, everything's going to be okay between you and Angela. All right? You two are like sisters.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm just... not used to not getting along with people.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Seriously? Because it seems like -
[the table thumps]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thanks Booth.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You noticed something. See? You still got it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're not going to ask me what I saw?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Do I want to know?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No... Do you want to know anyway?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I can wait... I trust you.

---

"Bones: Mummy in the Maze (#3.5)" (2007)

FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Bones is dressed as Wonder Woman and pulls out a large hand gun] Okay, where did you even find a place to *carry* that?

FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, listen. You stay here. Anyone comes through that door, you shoot their heads off. EXCEPT ME!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: My gun is too big for me.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Could've told you that a hundred times. Here, take mine.
[they exchange weapons]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Guard Megan.

FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as he's under fire] How could a guy with military training miss with a Scattergun? What were you - NAVY?

FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Now can you see why I hate clowns?

[Bones has dressed as Wonder Woman for a Halloween party]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What are you supposed to be?
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: [dressed in a tweed suit and horn-rimmed glasses] I'm a nerd squint.

[while interrogating Greg, Booth roughs him up, and then Bones slaps him]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nice shot, Bones.

---

"Bones: A Night at the Bones Museum (#5.5)" (2009)

Dr. Lance Sweets: I'd consider it a personal favor, Dr. Brennan.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ouch. Personal favors are kind of like penalty shots. You kind of have to take them. Unlike dinner requests which you are totally open to decline.

Andrew Hacker: A mummy?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Andrew Hacker: Damn. Field agents have all the fun. Good luck.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa. Whoa. How's this going to help us catch Kaswell's killer?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It won't. But it could exonerate Anok. There can be no time limit for justice, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, Dr. Kaswell's killer is out there now. We're running out of suspects.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We'll do it Booth.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why are you so upset?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because... what goes on between us is ours.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Come on Booth. You must've told a lot of people the meatloaf story, right?
[Long silence]

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You could be destroying evidence.
Auto Detailer: Oh man! A - another drug dealer? It's not my fault. I do a good job, so word of mouth it gets around and...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Is he a regular customer?
Auto Detailer: No. He saw my ad at the laundromat.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The laund - No wonder you have no one drug dealers coming to you.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're great at these things. You changed history. How many people can say that?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You can. Every arrest you make changes history. You make the world safer.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: With your help.

---

"Bones: The Skull in the Sculpture (#4.7)" (2008)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after Dr. Sweets tells Daisy that she is fired, they decide to come out with their relationship and begin making out on the forensic platform] That's a method of termination I've never tried. But bravo, Dr. Sweets.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa. They'll never work. They're like complete opposites.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I agree. For all her faults she's a woman of science. Sweets bases his life on the vagaries of psychology and emotion. You know, there's no common ground.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You need common ground. What else is there?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Absolutely.
[Then Bones and Booth look intently towards each other]

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If you're relying on superstition for safety perhaps I should carry the gun.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. You are definitely *not* carrying the gun!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Booth is picking a lock] Look, if anybody asks, the door was open.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, it isn't.
[Booth turns and looks at her]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Ahh right.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones about Anton Deluca] All right, someone I understand less than you.

Angela Montenegro: So you brought me along. What can I do to help you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I want you to be an artist, okay? And uh, keep me from looking like an idiot.
Angela Montenegro: Not positive I can do both.

Anton Deluca: [as Booth is handcuffing Anton] When this case falls apart, I get out tomorrow, want to grab some dinner or something?
Angela Montenegro: You're kidding.
Anton Deluca: Well, I hear the gate swings both ways. Maybe we get some threesome action. You, me, Hottie Roxie.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey!
[Booth slams Anton's head against the table]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, all right, if you're gonna hit on Angela, you should do it with a little respect. Okay? Let's go.

---

"Bones: The Hero in the Hold (#4.13)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: This isn't real.
Teddy Parker: I'm going to go with real. Nice monkey suit by the way. Never thought to wear a formal to a kidnapping.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, no- no offense, but you know I've been-I've been drugged, electrocuted, and stuffed inside a Beatles toy. You're - you're a hallucination. That's what you are. You're an hallucination.
Teddy Parker: Oh that's nice, I show up to help you and you toss me off as an hallucination.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're dead Corporal. I felt your heart stop.
Teddy Parker: No use crying over spilt milk, Sarge.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're not a hallucination, you helped me open that hatch. I wouldn't have been able to open up that hatch without you.
Teddy Parker: Okay. Okay. So what- what does that make me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You are a ghost.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, I got boy.
Teddy Parker: What's his name?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, aw, you're probably going to take this wrong.
Teddy Parker: Why? What'd you do? Name him something stupid? Like - like Cutter? Like Tanner? Brady? Oh God you didn't name him Sebastian!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Parker. I named him Parker.
Teddy Parker: That's my name.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's your last name. You know your lock picking sucks.
Teddy Parker: You named your kid after me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [finding a bomb] We have 6 hours and 23 minutes. What, no ideas?
Teddy Parker: According to you, I'm already a ghost. As a result, I got no sense of urgency.

Teddy Parker: So just to sum things up. The ship's about to explode, and now there's no way to stop it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Rub it in. I got you killed twice.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Teddy runs to find some cover] First time I've heard of a cowardly ghost. What a wuss!

---

"Bones: The Girl with the Curl (#2.7)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't you have work to do?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Don't you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right, Right.

Angela Montenegro: Childhood should be all about swings.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Swings?
Angela Montenegro: You know how high can I go, if I twist the chains how fast will I spin.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Or if I try and jump off before the swing stops.
Angela Montenegro: Exactly.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I miss that feeling.
Angela Montenegro: Yeah me too.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I miss organic chemistry class, those were good times.
Zack Addy: I miss my first microscope.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Great, yeah and I miss normal people can we go on?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh it gets better.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [sarcastically] How can it not?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why don't you go mingle.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because you're a girl

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ok, c'mon Bones up you go.
Girl: Wow, you have huge muscles!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks,
[leans toward Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Learn anything?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yeah, I learned about cankles, how about you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I found a possible suspect.

---

"Bones: The Boneless Bride in the River (#2.16)" (2007)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't knock therapy, ok? Dr. Wyatt has helped me realize there are certain pressures that build up on the job, and I need creative ways...
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [interjecting] We do everything together.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: - of dealing with them.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What exactly do you have to contend with on the job that I don't?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You, Bones. You don't have to contend with you.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Okay, I want the whole kip and canoodle transported to the Jeffersonian.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [looks at Brennan in disbelief] Kit and caboodle.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Whatever.

[at the docks after Sully leaves in his boat, Brennan turns sadly to find Booth waiting for her]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What are you doing here?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I am waving good-bye. See?
[he waves]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What do you want?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Breakfast.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm not hungry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, come on, huh?
[Booth puts his arm around Bones and walks with her]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are you gonna vomit when you come across one of those horrific cases?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't vomit.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Give it time, Bones, okay? Give it time. Everything happens eventually.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Everything?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All the good stuff. And when you think it never happens, it happens. Just got to be ready for it.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: The physicist who couldn't tie his shoes? Oh, the former professor who was jealous of your own success. Should I stop?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [quickly] Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, the guy you found on the Internet and ended up being some kind of recruiter for a cult. Oh and this is my *favorite*. The guy who cut off his own brother's head because he thought he was possessed by a witch.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You made your point.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look I'm just saying a guy who wants to take you away from all *this* on a sailboat for a year, that's a step up!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Condescending.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Give it time, Bones, okay? Give it time. Everything happens eventually.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Everything?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All that stuff that you think never happens, it happens. You just got to be ready for it.

---

"Bones: The Girl in the Mask (#4.22)" (2009)

Micah Strutt: That old jerk fire them for this. This is the 21st century, who cares about a little skin, right?
[Nakamura steps forward]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He does. That's his sister.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to the masseuse] Hitting the illohypogastic nerve can can be extremely painful.
[Demonstrates on Vogler. Vogler screams in pain]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where's the sword?
Paul Vogler: I
[Bones applies more pressure. Vogler screams again]
Paul Vogler: God! I am not saying another word to you people without my lawyer.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine. That's fine with us. We'll be in touch. Come on Bones.
[Booth and Bones leave. As they're almost out the door Vogler screams in pain. They look back and see the masseaus applying pressure to the nerve]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, she's a quick learner.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Very quick.

Ken Nakamura: If you think the photographer is the killer, I want to be there!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nak, if you budge from the Jeffersonian, I will put you on the first plane back to Japan. You understand? You know me. And you know that's true.
[Booth ends the call]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You were kind of mean there, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Man's in big pain, Bones. Makes it hard for him to hear.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What do you want me to do Nak?
Ken Nakamura: I want to kill him.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, he could give us Sachi's murderer.
Ken Nakamura: And then he goes free. The man who put my sister's head on a spike.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: If we don't cut this deal, then her murderer could walk.
Ken Nakamura: This is your case, Booth. What I want doesn't matter.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: To me it does. It would to Sachi.
Ken Nakamura: [Long pause] Cut the deal.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I just mean that we should be designed so we can handle the worst.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We *are* designed that way. We aren't sent anything we can't handle.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm not convinced that loving someone is worth it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I've got a son and it's worth it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Even if he died?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa! Bones don't even say anything like that. Don't even put that out there. It is worth it. And everything around it is worth it... Every moment. Everything is worth it.

---

"Bones: Two Bodies in the Lab (#1.15)" (2006)

Dr. Jack Hodgins: Someone in the lab works for the mob. I can see it. There's not much difference between a corrupt corporate government and organized crime.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're right.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Excuse me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The only way that this could unfold...
[starts to get up and tears some of his bandages]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...is if someone on the inside was orchestrating things.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: People never tell me I'm right. They only say I'm crazy. Love you, man.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Did they gather all the evidence from the explosion?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You sure?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. Booth, I was there. They were very thorough, and I was very annoying.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sorry, Booth. It should be me lying in that bed.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm fine. You know, I... I don't even know if... if I have to stay here, you know?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You got blown up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I've been worse.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You have burns, lacerations, two broken ribs, greenstick fracture of the clavicle...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, I got blown up.
[pathetically]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Can you hand me one of the puddings?

David Simmons: Okay. I'm sorry. Did I miss something? 'Cause I don't want to get in the way, or between...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What? Uh, no.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: God.
David Simmons: Well, then, maybe we could reschedule dinner?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sure.
David Simmons: Great.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, I think someone needs this room. Let's go.
[Booth shoves David from the room and places himself between David and Brennan]
David Simmons: Uh, yeah. Sure. Well, I'll email you. Stay safe.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She will stay safe.
[David leaves and Booth puts himself in the doorway of the room. Bones is leaning around him, trying to watch David as he leaves]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He's nice. Don't you think?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, he's nice... as a suspect!
[notices Bones staring after David]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
[waves his hand in front of her face]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hello?
[he moves in the door frame to block her view]

[Booth is crammed in the passenger seat of Hodgins' Mini Cooper]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Maybe that nurse was right to be pissed that you were leaving. You don't seem good, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, if we weren't in a toy car...

---

"Bones: Double Trouble in the Panhandle (#4.11)" (2009)

Dr. Lance Sweets: Um, can I offer a piece of advice?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well that's why we called you, Sweets.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Don't try too hard to be their friends. Act like you're more interested in each other than any of them, all right? They will come to you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay, thanks Sweets.
[Hangs up]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, uh, sex right?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...Oh good idea.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay, well, I think what we need to do is get a syncopated rhythm going that takes advantage of the natural frequency of the springs.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Are you this spontaneous during real sex?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, look at them... clowns.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, the psychiatric term for fear of clowns is coulrophobia.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's not fear, it's hate. Okay? Big difference.

Dr. Albert Muir: Which is the only reason we kept the relationship a secret.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: 'Relationship?'... Sexual relationship?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How? Well when you were - I'm trying to understand. When, uh, you and Julie...
Dr. Albert Muir: The girls had separate genitalia. A fair amount of privacy could be achieved by an eye mask, and an MP3 player turned up very loud. Julie liked the Kings of Leon. Jenny liked Maroon 5.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We should arrest him.
Dr. Albert Muir: Wait, on what charges?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Definitely positive for the whole suspicion of murder thing. But, you know, the uh, other thing is just, uh, it's... well, *confusing*.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Buck was more dashing than you. I mean, Buck drove a motorcycle.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, Wanda was funner than you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, she let me knock off a rubber nose from her face with a knife. You would never let me do that. You're *way* too rationale.

---

"Bones: The Graft in the Girl (#1.20)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Today, Zac. I need something *today*!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Hey, don't harass my assistant.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: That's right. That's our job.

FBI Deputy Director Sam Cullen: I should kick your ass.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
FBI Deputy Director Sam Cullen: What did you do? Take sick time to work on this?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Migraine.
FBI Deputy Director Sam Cullen: Thanks, Booth. Catch the son-of-a-bitch who did this to my daughter.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's absolutely my intention, sir.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, is it him?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's him, but here's the kickster.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Kicker, Bones, here's the kicker.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, I know that you find dead people intriguing, but just... try to put on your sad face.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [referencing Zack] How do you listen to this all day?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I find intelligence soothing.

---

"Bones: The Salt in the Wounds (#4.16)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Were there any major developments in your daughter's life in the weeks leading up to her death?
Ellen Clark: [to her husband] He means drugs was - was Ashley doing drugs.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. We don't mean drugs.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No drugs. Were you aware that your daughter was pregnant?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Despite the fact that you aren't a real medical doctor, you have been quite helpful. Thanks.
Dr. Sean Fitts: Oh, you're welcome. Oh and by the way, you *aren't* a real medical doctor either.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ouch!

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Anthropologically speaking those girls have grown up in a culture that reinforces the sad truism that - women cannot count on men.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't say "men" like that. Men don't like a world without responsibility.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But - that boy whom those young girls chose as their sperm donor, he seemed... more than happy with the arrangement.
[Long pause as Booth considers what Bones said]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're right.
[Booth takes out his cellphone]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know. Who are you calling?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Speaking into his cellphone] Clinton? This is Agent Booth. I need to talk to you.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: There's something I want you to think about: sex is never free and easy.
Clinton Gilmour: I beg to differ.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Cause the fact is any of these girls, they could change their mind. And you would be paying child support for the rest of your life.
Clinton Gilmour: Wait. What -?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Puts picture of the girls on the table] You see these four girls here. You are responsible for bringing their children into the world - whether they think so or not. They're your responsibility. Your children, your responsibility. You understand? And what you do about that will define what kind of man you are.
Clinton Gilmour: No. Hold on a second...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? If you ignore that, *ignore* your children, that's what you're going to become: a loser, a deadbeat for the rest of your life.

Clinton Gilmour: Why'd you have to tell me all that for?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because you needed to hear it... Do you understand?
Clinton Gilmour: ...Yes.

---

"Bones: The He in the She (#4.6)" (2008)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Bones explains a procedure] New rule: No surgical details, all right.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Have you made many of these "ain't-too-proud-to-beg" calls in the past?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What do you say we just stay focused here?

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Would you like me just as much if I were a man?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh yeah, much better. Wouldn't have to be so polite and accommodating. How about you, would you like me better if I were a woman?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I would not.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'd be jealous that you might be prettier than I am.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I would be too. I'd be hot. Smokin' hot.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? You afraid your father's going to burn in hell?
Ryan Stephenson: No... No. I just wish I had a chance to know the new him - her.

Ryan Stephenson: One of God's challenges to us is to see past the surface.
[picks up a book and tears up the dust cover]
Ryan Stephenson: To the deeper essential nature, which lies right beneath.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You believe our bodies are like dustcovers?
Ryan Stephenson: That's exactly what I think, Agent Booth. Rip them off, and see what's underneath... You see, all this time I though my father was killed, or had abandoned me, and that's just not what happened. He didn't want to shake my faith. He was protecting me from the truth. He... he didn't want me to have to choose between him and God, and I love my father for that. I just hope God can forgive me for making him feel that way.

---

"Bones: Mayhem on a Cross (#4.20)" (2009)

Dr. Gordon Wyatt: [after Booth shoots some amplifiers] Yes, now if you recall, it was shooting at inanimate objects that had brought you to me for therapy in the first place.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I thought it was a justifiable shooting.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I agree.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She agrees. See?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Watching from his offioe and speaking to Bones with an earbud] Okay listen, Bones, you just tell him you don't care if he did it or not, you'll just throw his ass in jail.
[Bones scoffs]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's all right to lie during an interrogation, it's a technique.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The evidence is inconclusive regarding your guilt,
[rising up and starts yelling]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But I will damn well make sure it's conclusive!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Whoa. What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Atta girl, give it to him.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I will perjure myself if I have to because you... make... me... sick, punk!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're gonna be a chef?
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: That is correct, yes. I'm going to put good things into people instead of taking out things that are bad. I know it's a little Freudian, but Sigmund's been largely discredited, so to Hell with him.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sweets... has scars on his back. Old one.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Really?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What kind of scars?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Like he'd been whipped.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whipped?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I saw them.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: That explains his near obsession with your childhood trauma.

---

"Bones: Judas on a Pole (#2.11)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [talking about Russ] I still make him nervous, don't I?
[pulls Bones out of her chair by the arm]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Come on, let's go.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What... why do I always feel like you're abducting me?
[hits Booth playfully on the arm]

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't drink the Moroccan beer. It tastes like earwax.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I wish you wouldn't keep letting me hug you when I get scared.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, when I get scared, I'll hug *you*. We'll call it even.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? I'm sorry that you had to go through it again. Watching your family drive off, you know. Leave you behind. I'm sorry.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: My father is - is...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He's your dad. And he loves you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You know I'm just -I'm just one of those people who doesn't get to be in a family. That's...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen, Bones. Hey, there's more than one kind of family.

---

"Bones: The Doctor in the Den (#4.17)" (2009)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, we're here to recover a set of remains.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Come on, Bones. You gotta take time to smell the primates.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why? They're malodorous and they throw their excrement.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Did you know that giraffes can weigh up to two tons?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. Everyone knows that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And they sleep less than two hours a night.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That I did not know.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes! Pinky stumps the Brain.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's best that you... stay in the lab a little bit more, just this one time.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because that's where I'm more useful. I understand. No, you and Cam can rely on your inaccurate guts to solve this case.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She needs this. Just trust me on this, Bones.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's been ten years, people move on. I mean, it's just a relationship that didn't work out.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a family, Seely. *Family* that didn't work out.

---

"Bones: The Secret in the Soil (#3.4)" (2007)

Dr. Lance Sweets: There is clearly a very deep emotional bond between you two.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're just partners.
Dr. Lance Sweets: And why do you think I would have thought otherwise?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Cause, you're 12.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Look at all the cars. I thought the VA hospital was closed?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, it is, Bones, but I mean, c'mon. It's the weekend, alright? An abandoned building surrounded by acres of secluded land, huh? Use your imagination.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [looks confused]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Teenagers, hormones...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're saying they came here to fornicate.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's... nice image. Very, uh, biblical.

Dr. Lance Sweets: Let's talk about conflict. When you guys argue, how do you come to a resolution?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We don't argue.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Come on! Remember?
[indicates his office]
Dr. Lance Sweets: Zone of truth. Right here.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine. We might... bicker a little bit, but that's not arguing.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Bicker? I don't bicker!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No? What about the whole environmentalism thing?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That was a discussion.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You pretty much told me my penis was gonna shrink if I didn't eat organic food.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's not bickering. That's being a good friend.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: My penis is just fine, thank you.

Dr. Jack Hodgins: [on the phone with Bones and Booth] Are you guys heading towards a giant compost heap?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] It's wrong how excited he sounds.

---

"Bones: The Princess and the Pear (#4.14)" (2009)

Special Agent Payton Perotta: [after taking the phone from Brennan] How are you, Agent Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The only reason that I am not comin' in right now is because Bones told me not to. But she's your responsibility, nothing can happen to her, okay? If anything happens... to her... y'know that silky black hair, soft skin...
Special Agent Payton Perotta: ...I... will not let her out of my sight, you have my word. Now, uh, we should really get back to the case, Agent Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Am I stopping you?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: So why wasn't Perotta with you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I was with Sweets.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's like being protected by a smurf. Not the sheriff. The guy who was in charge. I don't even know his name, but he was a small blue guy.

Special Agent Payton Perotta: How are you, Agent Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth has taken some Vicodin] The only reason I'm not coming in right now is because Bones told me not to. But she is *your* responsibility! Nothing can happen to her. Okay? If anything happens to... her... you know silky black hair, and... oh that soft skin.
Special Agent Payton Perotta: I will not let her out of my sight. You have my word. Now, uh, we should get back to the case, Agent Booth.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Bones is adjusting Booth's back] This is going to be good. Believe me, I really am not going to forget
[There's a loud crack. Booth speaks in a high pitch]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: this.

---

"Bones: The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (#5.4)" (2009)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You seriously believe all the hoo-ha?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's anthropology, so yes.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Wrong ology. Keep your grubby anthro hands off my psych.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: So do you mind being used as a stud horse?
Trey Johnson: Would you?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're each other's alibis. All three of you were together at the time of death.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Your alibi just became an anti-alibi.

Parker Booth: Couldn't you be his girlfriend?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Buddy, you're gonna have to quit that.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That would be inappropriate.
Parker Booth: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because... we work together.
Parker Booth: That's a stupid reason.

---

"Bones: The Girl in the Fridge (#1.8)" (2005)

Joy Deaver: Dr. Brennan, you need to learn the difference between reality and perception. A trial is all about perception.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Wow. You're the reason civilization is declining.
Joy Deaver: [Looks at Booth] Talk to her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I kinda agree with her.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Thanks.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ah, I don't really agree with you, I just... I don't like her.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen, do you want my coat or something? It's cold up here.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: If I did, I'd ask for it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Sorry. And, uhm, I'm sorry.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You had something to accomplish. You found a logical way of getting what you needed. Probably would've done the same thing.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, the regular stuff. When it gets old, you need to spice it up, it's over. When the sex is good, you don't need any help.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh, that's for sure!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sorry?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I was agreeing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah? Well, don't. Okay? It kinda freaks me out.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I've never gotten a B and I never will.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's my girl.

---

"Bones: The Skull in the Desert (#1.17)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, no offense to Angela, but she doesn't really know this guy. She's only with him, what? Only three weeks out of the year?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah, no offense to you, but you are a stodgy traditionalist when it comes to relationships, buddy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stodgy? Stodgy?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah, stodgy.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Obviously you subconsciously sifted through the rational facts of the case and processed the most likely scenario.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sure that's it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, what else could it be?
Angela Montenegro: It's the only rational explanation.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Wait, are you guys making fun of me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Let's go back home. You know, where there's water and shelter and living things? Come on.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm touring the hottest places in the universe. Next stop... Hell.

[Brennan calls Booth on his cell phone]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How far are you from Dulles?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: As far as your office is from Dulles.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why are you in my office?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I need your findings on the Richmond case. Listen, Zack won't tell me where they are unless you give him permission.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There's a 9:15 flight to Denver, then there's an 11:35 flight to Santa Fe. You have to run to make the connection.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Forget it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, please. Angela's boyfriend is missing... maybe dead. It took all of my charm...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All of your charm? Oh boy...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...just to get the sheriff to let me look at the skull. When I asked him to let me send the skull to the Jeffersonian, he told me I am not a cop and I don't have any jurisdiction.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Which is true. Okay, look, what do you want me to do?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I want you to get Federal on his ass.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [smiles smugly and proudly] Oh!

---

"Bones: The Man on Death Row (#1.7)" (2005)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Reason for wanting a gun?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: To shoot people.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Not a good response.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I think there are doubts when it comes to an execution. There shouldn't be any doubts.
Prosecuter: He doesn't have doubts. He has cold feet.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Do you think I won't pop you one just because we're standing in the judge's kitchen?

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'll ask the others, but they might have plans.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's Friday night and they're racing beetles.

[after Bones attacks Howard Epps]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Are you gonna arrest me for assault?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: From what I saw, purely self-defense.

---

"Bones: The Bones That Foam (#4.15)" (2009)

Chet Newcomb: It was an accident?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, he was
[trying to speaking quietly to Booth]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What's the sensitive way to say murdered?
Chet Newcomb: Murdered?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sorry, but when you're ready, we'd like to ask you a few questions about your brother's...
Chet Newcomb: Murder.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're sorry for your loss.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Booth gets a lap dance] Did he get in a fight with one of the bouncers?
Strawberry Lust: No. With another car salesman. You know that Indian guy, Buddy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: From Criterion.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He lied to you.
[Bones starts to rise up]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You should go talk to Buddy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes. I-I should.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The tell Ms. Lust to get up.
Strawberry Lust: I think that might be a little embarrassing right now, huh, baby?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's my gun.
[to Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Give us a moment.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay.
[Bones sits back down]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Outside.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What's outside?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Outside, please?
[Nervous chuckle]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Did we get our $60 worth yet?

Dr. Camille Saroyan: So the killer thinks the body's going to dissolve instantly like it does in the movies then nothing happens. Except every alarm in the lab goes off time and again!
[Cam takes a big drink of wine]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Are you okay?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Finishes swallowing her wine] Yes. It's just very good wine.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Refering to the Audi] Driving a machine like this is like making love, you have to go gently.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I go for more passionate and uninhibited than for gentle.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, gently.

---

"Bones: The Titan on the Track (#2.1)" (2006)

Lisa Supac: [after advising Dr. Brennan and the rest of the team the Turko will only get 10 years for his involvement in the train crash] It's 10 years or nothing. I can only work with what I'm given, and the forensic work on this was not good enough.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What?
Lisa Supac: You were fooled by fake dental records, you baked some spam.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What did you want us to do?
Lisa Supac: Your jobs.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, Ms. Supek, you want us to do your job. My people gave you all the evidence you need to fry Turko with any reasonable jury.
Lisa Supac: Forensically...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We gave you everything you needed to arrest Turko.
Lisa Supac: Arrest is not a conviction.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We definitely gave you enough to reject his plea bargain and indict him in the wrongful death of a Senator.
Lisa Supac: Indictment is not a conviction.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You accept that plea bargain and the investigation stops.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Indict him. Give us time to get you what you need.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: If you accept this plea bargain, you don't deserve to be a Federal Prosecutor.
Lisa Supac: Dr. Saroyan!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah, it's scary. The whole country'll be watching the trial and you don't want to go in with less than a sure thing. But you put my people on the stand as expert witnesses and that's a sure thing.
Dr. Temperance Brennan, Dr. Jack Hodgins, Angela Montenegro: [together] Not Zack.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You can tell the story of what happened using the evidence these people provided, and if you any ability as a prosecutor you'll win the case.
Lisa Supac: Are you finished?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, Ms. Supeck. In the future when you have problems with my team, you'll register them with me, in private, not by grand standing in a public forum.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Come on, Booth. The part of you with the big gambling problem must love this idea.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right there. Mm-hm. That's the reason you didn't get Cam's job.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Been out to your mother's grave?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No. Why would I?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: To connect.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: She's dead, Booth. Dead, as in 'gone from this world'.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? Fine. Forget it.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Excuse me. I'm curious. Do you talk to the headstone? I mean, what do you say?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It looks like I'm talking to the headstone, but what I'm really saying is--Forget where the words are directed. What I say is that I remember them.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: They can't hear you, because they're dead.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: My mouth moves, words come out, but none seem to get across the drawbridge to the princess I know who awaits within.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seeley.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Camille.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Don't call me Camille.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't call me Seeley.

---

"Bones: A Boy in a Bush (#1.5)" (2005)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Angela who just said something scientific] I mean you look normal. You act normal. But you're actually one of them.
Angela Montenegro: This whole mass-recognition program was Brennan's idea. I'm completely normal, really.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Maybe before you got this job. But now...

[to Zack who is wearing a Hazmat suit]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How's it going there, Darth? Seen anything on Saturn?
[to Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Please tell me you've seen at least one "Star Wars" movie.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where were you taking Charlie, Shawn?
Shawn Cook: [Shawn moving water on the table with his finger] I brought him to the mall to see David.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I know you brought him to the mall but we got a picture of you leading him out of the mall.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [in the observation room, watching Booth interrogate Shawn] Have you seen much of this kind of thing?
Sara Johnston: I'm a juvenile prosecutor. I wish I could say kids killing kids was rare.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where were you taking him, Shawn?
Shawn Cook: When can I talk to Margaret?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: After you answer my questions.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Can he do that, lie to the kid?
Sara Johnston: We are after a child killer, Dr. Brennan. If the child advocate doesn't complain, I sure as hell won't.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What's the point of having a child advocate if he doesn't advocate for the child?
Sara Johnston: I get the impression you're a little confused to what side you're on, Dr. Brennan.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Shawn, do you know what this is?
Shawn Cook: A scar?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. I got it when I was playing soldier with my brother Jared.
Shawn Cook: Did it hurt?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, it hurt, but it was an accident. You got any scars?
Shawn Cook: [rolls down a sleeve to reveal circular scars] My dad did it with a cigarette.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He shouldn't have done that.
Shawn Cook: Margaret didn't do anything like that. I love Margaret.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What I need to know is if Charlie had some kind of accident, Shawn?
Sara Johnston: [Shawn turns his back to Booth] He's not being aggressive enough.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Foster kids are powerless, they're treated like garbage! You're in a position to do something about it and all you have to say is "He's not being aggressive enough"?
Sara Johnston: Dr. Brennan, you know this boy may very well have beaten a child to death with a rock.

---

"Bones: The Plain in the Prodigy (#5.3)" (2009)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Hey, you're wearing your belt buckle again. "Cocky."
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Ever since the whole coma thing. I just kept staring at it, thinking to myself "Why would I wear something like this?"
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because you love it. You always have
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, that's what I landed on.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I like it. It's - Boothy.

Joseph Beachy: That's kind of what Rumspringa's for, right? Cut loose, go a little crazy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Get busted for smoking weed.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's supposed to be a time to contemplate your future faith.
Joseph Beachy: Yeah, I was seeing how in the future, I wouldn't want to smoke weed.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Michelle's, uh, family to me. I'm her number one uncle.
Perry Wilson: Really? She - she didn't mention.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm also a trained sniper.
Perry Wilson: Okay, wow. Oh...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen, Perry. All right. You're a read blooded young man, and uh, Michelle's - she's an attractive young girl. So I assume that you uh...
Perry Wilson: What? No! No. No!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because Michelle deserves your respect, you understand?
Perry Wilson: I do. I do respect her. We were just going to the movies tonight.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right. And if you behave anyway *less* that a gentlemen towards her, I'll find you. I think we understand each other, right?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey Bones, um, you've met perry. Michelle's boyfriend.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. Nice to see you again. I heard about Princeton, you have very bright future ahead of you.
Perry Wilson: I hope so.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Me too. Have fun tonight, huh?

---

"Bones: The Woman in the Car (#1.11)" (2006)

[Bones and Booth visit a suspect's home, and take on two men that Booth spots watching the building]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [covers first man with gun] FBI!
First man: [aims his gun back at Booth while the second man covers Bones] U.S. Marshals!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [puzzled] U.S. Marshals?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [holds up hands] Forensic anthropologist! That's why no gun.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [heading to where they think the kidnappers are] Why don't we ever take my car?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Do you have bulletproof vests in the trunk?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's why.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're looking for an abandoned gas station or mechanic shop, off the grid.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, you guys are geniuses. Mm!
Zack Addy: How do we find that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Work for the F.B.I., you idiot.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Way to go, Zack. We went from geniuses to idiots in three seconds.

---

"Bones: The Bone That Blew (#4.10)" (2008)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You don't think I'm a lousy dad for not sending my kid to a private school?
Dr. Lance Sweets: No. But you'd be a lousy father if you didn't torture yourself about it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks

Special Agent Seeley Booth: So I thought he was strangled.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He was strangled, shot and set on fire.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Someone wanted to make sure he didn't get home.

Max Keenan: Can I ask you a question?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sure.
Max Keenan: You - are you - uh are you sleeping with my daughter?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Max Keenan: Why? Are you gay?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [chuckles] No.
Max Keenan: She not attractive enough?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones is beautiful.
Max Keenan: Is it because of me. Because I killed one man and we *both* know he deserved it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right just cut it out, Max. I'll talk to her. Probably won't do any good. I'll talk to her.
Max Keenan: You're a good man. And I want that for her.

---

"Bones: The Woman in Limbo (#1.22)" (2006)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The NCIC database? That's... that's criminals! My parents were on a list of federal offenders?
Russ Brennan: How do you like that? Guess a criminal nature runs in the family.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [holding up a picture of her brother] You were seven years old, Russ. Old enough to remember. What... what is your real name? What is *my* real name?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, it's right here in the file.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [turning to Booth] No! *No!* I want *him* to tell me!
[exhales, and faces Russ]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What is my real name, Russ?
Russ Brennan: [long pause] My name was Kyle. Your name was Joy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: *You* are not my brother!
[slaps Russ]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No! He lied about that! What else are you lying about? What else are you not telling us?
[angrily walks off]

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Any of you see Bones? Okay, we're due in court like - hello! - *now*. What?
Angela Montenegro: This...
[activates hologram showing an image]
Angela Montenegro: ...totally freaked her out.
Zack Addy: [Booth starts dialing on his cell phone] My theory: caffeine intolerance.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [speaking into his phone] Yeah. You're gonna want to take Dr. Brennan off the witness list today... No. She can't make it into court. Thanks.
Angela Montenegro: All right. What's going on?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That... is Christine Brennan.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: Good God.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You just found Bones' mother.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [McVicar's in custody wants to talk to Bones] You got two ways to look at this. One is, you score a private chat. The second one is, you attack her, and I'll drill you through the forehead.
Vince McVicar: How can I possibly attack her?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'll decide what is and *isn't* an attack- like say, a hiccup.

---

"Bones: The Woman in the Tunnel (#1.16)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] You know "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" but you don't know Charlize Theron? You know who you are? You're my grandmother.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, give me your gun. Take the restraints out of my belt and put 'em on Kyle.
[Bones puts her gun in Booth's pants pocket]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's not cocked, is it? Because where that's pointed...
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You're safe.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: She knew about this treasure. She was going to put it in her documentary. It would have cost you guys a fortune. So one of you killed her. Who's left-handed?
[starts walking towards Kyle]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, you know it's best to have this sort of explanation after the bad guys are incapacitated.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [turns to Booth] Why?
Kyle Montrose: [shoves Bones, grabs a candlestick and attacks Duke] You killed her for this?
[Bones knocks Kyle out]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's why.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yeah. Well, I'll try to remember that for next time.

---

"Bones: Death in the Saddle (#3.3)" (2007)

FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Here we are, all of us, basically alone, separate creatures, just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places, some they just give up hope because in their mind they're thinking "Oh there's nobody out there for me," but all of us, we keep trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in a while... every once in a while, two people meet and there's that spark, and yes, Bones, he's handsome and she's beautiful and maybe that's all they see at first, but making love... making love... that's when two people become one.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, but what's important is we try. And when we do it right, we get close.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: To what? Breaking the laws of physics?
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, Bones - a miracle.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What was with all the lying? "We've got voice tapes and public display of sexual paraphernalia"?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I was role playing. I was being all lard ass and good cop.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hard ass and bad cop, Bones. Hard ass and bad cop.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: [searching around a body with both feet cut off] I got a foot...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Me, too.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Find a third one, and I'll be impressed.

---

"Bones: The Glowing Bones in 'The Old Stone House' (#2.20)" (2007)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Talk to me squints, as close to English as possible.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Zack and Hodgins are enacting a scenario] Okay what are we missing here?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The Stooges.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Zack and Hodgins are enacting a scenario] Oh, okay, look, we know that Ben had sex with Carly in the backseat of that car. But you didn't find any evidence of rape.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So the sex they had was consensual.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [rising up from his chair] *This* part will be left up to the imagination.

---

"Bones: Yanks in the U.K. (#4.1)" (2008)

[after getting stuck the wrong way in traffic]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I hate England! I'm *glad* we had a revolution!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after having learned that the Brit bone expert was killed with a bone] Live by the bone, die by the bone.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But there wasnt any evidence of VHL in either the mothers medicalrecords or the autopsyreport.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: But its herittary so her father must have it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Roger Frampton worked for the NHL?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He may have VHLdisease.

---

"Bones: The Woman in the Sand (#2.8)" (2006)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: What do you think?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I have enough bibles, thank you, but try next door.

[Booth and Bones are undercover watching an illegal fight club]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's human cock-fighting.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: More like lesser surrogates engaged in battles on behalf of the elite lords who don't have the courage to fight themselves.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. You know what?
[clicks his fingers]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Come back to me, Roxie, huh?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Ooo, look at all the sweat!

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh my god! I completely forgot you can't be here, Booth. You're a degenerate gambler.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Former gambler, okay? Not degenerate. I've been through the program, okay? And you know, he's on the move!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What if you get a sudden urge to gamble while you're here? It's like sending an alcoholic to a distillery. Do you need to sit down?

---

"Bones: Intern in the Incinerator (#3.6)" (2007)

Dr. Jack Hodgins: The offices. It's always the suits, baby.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, I wear suits.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yes, yes you do.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, that's it. No shooting of the squints tonight. Sorry!

FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after telling Hodgins that Cam's sister kissed him] This is worse than when we were a couple.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [chuckling] I'm sorry.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: I really should take my gun out and shoot you.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I'm sorry, man. I know it's serious
[chuckles again]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're not helping.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And I'm changing my password.
[covers screen with one hand and starts entering a new password]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Daisy?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did you know?
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's your second favorite flower. I know you, Bones. Try a planet.
[Booth walks away. Bones starts typing]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: JUPITER!
[Bones stops typing]

---

"Bones: The Widow's Son in the Windshield (#3.1)" (2007)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: There's a phrase in ancient Greek burned into the back of the vault door.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, what's it say?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't know, it's in ancient Greek.

Dr. Camille Saroyan: You arrested the Deputy Director of the Secret Service for voyeurism.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Bones in her office?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That is awesome! And really, really stupid! You gotta love a self-destructive man with values.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: How do I say this in a way that makes sense to Booth?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Something chewed on the skull.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, like a bear or a dog?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Human, Booth. Dr. Brennan is saying human.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: In the vernacular, our victim's face was chewed off by a cannibal.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [throws away the rest of his hot dog] Okay.

---

"Bones: The Woman at the Airport (#1.10)" (2006)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: You know, I'd like to drive sometimes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [changing the subject] Look, our contact out here is Special Agent Tricia Finn.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm an excellent driver.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: OK, Rain Man.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Every culture nurtures ideals of beauty toward which people strive - fine! But in the future people'll look back upon the surgical alterations of the nose or breasts or buttocks with the same horror that we regard the binding of feet or the use of bronze coils to extend the neck.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You wanna speak up? 'Cause it's really hard to hear every word in this very, very quiet waiting room.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's barbaric! It's painful! It's wrong! This murder victim may never be identified because some glorified barber with a medical degree has the arrogance to think that he could do better than a millennium of evolution.

Special Agent Tricia Finn: Agent Booth, can I have a moment, please? Um, have I done something to offend you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, I'm not really into this whole "West Coast In Touch With Your Feelings" thing, okay? So...
Special Agent Tricia Finn: Yeah. Um, I'm really good at my job, and I've been nothing but cooperative and helpful to you, but you just freeze me out.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Mmm-hmm.
Special Agent Tricia Finn: And I know you have nothing against working with women because you're partners with Dr. Brennan, so your problem must be with me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, I don't have anything against you, Agent Finn. I just don't like the way you view the FBI.
Special Agent Tricia Finn: What do you mean?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: This is a proud and noble job but you're using it to get to something else. My advice? Write your script, get an agent, hell, have a little plastic surgery! But quit using my Federal Bureau of Investigation as a stepping stone into something that you think is better. Because in my book, there is nothing better.

---

"Bones: The Priest in the Churchyard (#2.17)" (2007)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm not working a whole case with you attacking my beliefs. You should have just saddled up with your boyfriend.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Your beliefs are of an invisible man who wants to run my personal life.
Zack Addy: Death would have followed quickly caused by cranial cerebral trauma.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: By the way, 90% of the world believes in God!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: And at one time, most people were certain that the sun revolved around the earth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Dr. Addy] You see, I don't think this is about religion at all.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] We obviously have issues that are affecting our working relationship, and you're afraid to deal with them, so you just lash out at my religion!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about God that I'll burn in hell?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ooh, that's tempting.

Dr. Gordon Wyatt: You're both afraid that the reason Dr. Brennan didn't sail off into the sunset with her boyfriend Sully might have been her ties to Agent Booth.
[pause]
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: You're *both* quite wrong.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [to Wyatt] Why didn't I go with Sully?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How is he supposed to know?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [to Booth] Sully is perfect. We communicated well. The sex was incredible. He invited me to sail around the South Seas in a beautiful yacht for a year. I mean why would anyone turn that down?
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: In my opinion, you are unable to lead a purposeless life at this stage in your psycho-social development. Which, by the way, you should address because a certain amount of purposelessness is necessary to lead a full life.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I hate psychology.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You don't like it because he's saying that all this tension between me and you is *your* fault.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Mmm, on the contrary, if anything your issues are more pronounced. Given that your behavior has been affected by what turns out to be a quite irrational fear of being responsible for somone else's destiny.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm not working a whole case with you attacking my beliefs. You should have just saddled up with your boyfriend.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Your beliefs are of an invisible man who wants to run my personal life.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Death would have followed quickly caused by cranial cerebral trauma.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: By the way, 90% of the world believes in God!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: And at one time, most people were certain that the sun revolved around the earth.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [to Dr. Addy] You see, I don't think this is about religion at all.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] We obviously have issues that are affecting our working relationship, and you're afraid to deal with them, so you just lash out at my religion!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about God that I'll burn in hell?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Ooh, that's tempting.

---

"Bones: The Con Man in the Meth Lab (#4.8)" (2008)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nice hat, huh. Come on, I'll take you back to the lab.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What happened with your RECO bust?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Looks at her] Nothing. Why?
[laughs shortly]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Have you been talking to Cam?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No. Did you do something wrong?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Defensively] "What do you mean?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well you didn't get the credit you deserved. What did you do?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Life is not always about credit.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, that's not what you said before. You said life was all about credit and that you were going to Hawaii and they were going to put you on a coin...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright, let's just forget about, ok Bones? Forget about it.
[Walks away]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Jared warned me that you tend to sabotage yourself.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Sarcastically] *Jared* said that?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Mm-hmm. He said that you're afraid of success.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Angry] Hm. So basically, I'm a loser.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No, he never said the word loser.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Walks up to her] Do you think I'm a loser? Like that guy in there? Some clown in some dumbass uniform who basically can't do anything better? Is *that* what you think?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, anthropologically, males tend to rank themselves into a hierarchy. There is no shame in not being at the top of the hierarchy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Furious] You're not answering the question, Bones. Answer *my* question.
[They stare at each other. Phone rings after a tense silence. He doesn't take his eyes off her and picks up his phone]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Booth.

Jared Booth: So who else have you got for me Seely?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What am I? Your pimp?
Jared Booth: Don't think I'm not appreciative.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well Cam's got everything under control, so I can go.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Jared Booth: Really?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Huh?
Jared Booth: Why, thank you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] No.
Jared Booth: Wha - uh - wait, this is Bones, right? Not some ugly FBI woman with a mustache.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't have a mustache, Jared.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Do you think I'm a loser? Like that guy in there, some clown in some dumbass uniform who basically can't do any better. Is that what you think?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well anthropologically, males tend to rank themselves into a hierarchy. There's no shame in not being at the top of the hierarchy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're not answering the question Bones. Answer my question!

---

"Bones: The Truth in the Lye (#2.5)" (2006)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's nothing to be ashamed of, Booth. Humans act upon a hierarchy of needs, and sex is very highly ranked. It's an anthropological inevitability.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thank you, Bones. I really appreciate you boiling me down to your anthropological inevitabilities.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Sure.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Anytime.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Are you sure this is the best time to tell them?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: After two days of nagging me, now you're getting cold feet?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I do not nag!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you know it's an anthropological inevitability for a woman to gossip and nag.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: So now we're talking about a faked homicide to cover up a faked suicide?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: A faked suicide meant to cover up an *actual, original* murder.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Now, just when you think things couldn't get *any* more twisted-
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [enters] How's *this* for a curveball?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: In walks Cam.

---

"Bones: The Man with the Bone (#1.18)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth, Dr. Jack Hodgins: [in unison] Pirates!

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Walking along a hallway leading to the morgue] Welcome to the dungeon.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why the FBI always stick their morgues in the most depressing basement they can find?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't be such a snob Bones, ok? Not everyone gets to play in a multimillion dollar lab, you know... with skylights.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's because as a society we feel the need to hide death away. The people who deal with the death are viewed as freaks.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: Are Rangers afraid of SEALs?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? Come on, Bones. No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Rangers aren't afraid of anybody. All right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: SEALs are pretty good though.

---

"Bones: Stargazer in a Puddle (#2.21)" (2007)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Bones has made last minute touch-ups for the wedding] Wow! You look great!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You said I looked good before!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [pause] Whose day is it, huh? It's Angela's. C'mon, let's go.

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I would like to marry you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Kind of sudden, Bones. Let me think about that.

---

"Bones: The Man in the Cell (#2.12)" (2007)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah it's pretty big, right. Bigger than the one you have.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Excuse me, it's not the size that matters. It's how you *use* it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well I think size is pretty important.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The point is you shouldn't have a gun in the first place.
Angela Montenegro: If you do have one, bigger is always better.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Bones pulls out her gun] You know, I could have the Bureau pull your license.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah, and I could assign Zack as your forensic Anthropologist.

---

"Bones: The Pain in the Heart (#3.15)" (2008)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Standing in the entry of Zak's room] Cam. I'm going to need the room.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [pause. Cam looks at Zak, then rises and walks to Booth and Bones] I'm sorry. But I have to ask. Are you absolutely certain? Because -
[Cam looks at Bones and Booth]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wow! I did not see that coming.

[to catch a suspect from an old cold case, Booth has staged his death without telling Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after seeing Bones knock out the suspect] Nice shot, Bones.
[off Bones' stare]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?

---

"Bones: The Man in the Outhouse (#4.2)" (2008)

FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, two guys at the same time, it's not right! I mean, that's why they invented dueling.

FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: There is someone for everyone. Someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. Alright? You just have to be open enough to see it. That's all.

---

"Bones: The Woman in the Garden (#1.13)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: You put a hit out on my partner?
Gang Leader: She's not FBI.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [punches gang leader] I never said anything about FBI. She's my partner, and if anything happens to her I will find you and I will kill you.
[puts gun in gang leader's mouth]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I won't think twice. Look at my eyes, look at my face... if anything happens to her, I will kill you. This is between you and me, nobody sees, nobody knows. You've got nothing to prove. You understand? You understand?
[gang leader nods]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, I thought so. Now if you don't mind I'll leave first because I have somewhere I have to be.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ok. Hodgins, sew it up. You're coming with us. We're going to the barrio.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Field work. Cool! Do I get a gun?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You can't arm Hodgins and not me!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What is it with you people and the guns, huh?

---

"Bones: Boy in the Time Capsule (#3.7)" (2007)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: There was this girl, Karen Isley, and we were under the bleachers one night... personally.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I got it. You were having sex in the dirt under the bleachers.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Excuse me, I'm a gentleman! I brought my sleeping bag.

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Did you bring that for me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Good because that's the wrong Smurf. I liked Smurfette, that's Brainy Smurf.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well Smurfette was a stupid, shallow Smurf who only had her looks. Look, you're better than Smurfette. You have your looks and a whole lot more.

---

"Bones: The Soldier on the Grave (#1.21)" (2006)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after telling her about a mission] It's never just one person who dies, Bones. Never. Never.
[pause. Bones puts her hand on his forearm. Booth sniffles. Puts his hand over hers]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, we all die a little bit, Bones. With each shot, we all die a little bit.

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why do you have to be so cynical?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm not cynical. It's a necessary part of the psychology of warfare - heroes and villains. Without clear distinctions like that, we'd never be able to fight.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, well, I always found being shot at is a motivating factor.

---

"Bones: The Girl in the Gator (#2.13)" (2007)

[Brennan is in Florida talking on the phone to Booth, who is in Washington]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I thought you said you'd be down on the next flight.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I haven't met with the shrink yet.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What shrink?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, the department psychiatrist has to sign a piece of paper saying, you know, that I am not nuts, before I get my gun back, so I got an appointment tomorrow.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Great. Now I have to break in this Agent Sullivan?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sully's a great guy, okay. And for your information, you never broke *me* in.

---

"Bones: The Man in the Wall (#1.6)" (2005)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [about Brennan being stoned on the methamphetamine from the wall] Let's just say, your boss inhaled.

---

"Bones: The Knight on the Grid (#3.8)" (2007)

Dr. Temperance Brennan: If we fool them into thinking we're transferring the sculpture, they might try to grab it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No, if he wants it as much as Sweets says, they'll try to steal it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Why not?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because I didn't think of it.

---

"Bones: Spaceman in a Crater (#2.19)" (2007)

Dr. Jack Hodgins: This guy's wearing loafers. Aliens don't wear loafers.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Even if they want to pass unnoticed amongst us?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Before taking over?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: This is harassment. You know, it's illegal to mock people for their fundamental beliefs.

---

"Bones: The Boy in the Shroud (#2.3)" (2006)

Dr. Camille Saroyan: Booth, if Dr. Brennan were to quit...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: If she were to leave the Jeffersonian...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, the squints would flee this institution like the French army.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, I do as I'm ordered.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, you don't, Seeley.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, here we go. What's going on, Camille?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What if I fired her? What would you do?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm with Bones, Cam. All the way. Don't doubt it for a second.

---

"Bones: The Headless Witch in the Woods (#2.10)" (2006)

[Booth has arrested Will, he joins Brennan in her office]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I sure know how to pick 'em, don't I?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you know, our perceptions are always colored by what we hope, what we fear, what we love. We do the best we can.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm afraid my best isn't good enough. I can read bones, not people.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, you know, you had no trouble seeing through me.
[smiles at her and she smiles back]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's a good thing I like being alone.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what, Bones? You're not alone. Okay?
[Brennan has turned her back to Booth, he touches her on the shoulder to turn her around, she hesitates, then turns to him]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're my partner, ok? It's a guy hug. Take it.
[they embrace tightly, Booth smiles thoughtfully and Brennan looks relieved, happy and safe]

---

"Bones: The Crank in the Shaft (#4.5)" (2008)

Agent Seeley Booth: [Talking to Dr. Brennan, regarding applying for the chair] I mean, Willie Ackerman? He got cut off the list 'cause he got his note from an acupuncturist. And that doesn't even count. Ha! Boob!

---

"Bones: Soccer Mom in the Mini-Van (#3.2)" (2007)

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He's irrational, probably male menopause.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? He's a good man and you know what there's no such thing. That is a sexist myth.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Factually hormone production drops in your fifties, sexual desire decreases, you have to deal with the reduction of muscle mass, erectile dysfunction...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth interrupts] Hey, let's just keep the conversation up, shall we?
[points his index finger up]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And there's evidence that certain men become very unstable.

---

"Bones: The Finger in the Nest (#4.3)" (2008)

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Bones and Booth are burying a dog, Ripley] Thought you'd want to say something.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, I feel that this dog Ripley, paid a price that was unfair.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's not my fault Bones - why are you talking to me?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well you're the only one here!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Talk to the universe. Or God. Or Ripley.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't believe in God.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, God spelled backwards is dog.

---

"Bones: The Killer in the Concrete (#2.18)" (2007)

Max Keenan: [to Bones] I need your car.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [lying on the ground still immobilized] Max Kennan, you're under arrest.
Max Keenan: Not if I get the keys.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: They're in the ignition.
[Max kisses Bones on the forehead and leaves]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wha?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, it's not like I actually *gave* him the keys.

---