Quotes for
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs (Character)
from "Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service" (2003)

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Marine Down (#1.9)" (2003)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Morning! Sleep well?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: If by well, you mean violently throwing up all night and bouncing around like rag dolls...

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I haven't got high enough clearance to access those records.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What's your clearance?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Confidential.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Confidential? What'd you do, kill someone in high school?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ha! That's funny, Kate. No, I screwed up my paperwork with another agent's.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Agent Tony DiNozzo died in a car crash last month. Very tragic.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: They yanked my clearance. Now I gotta take a physical to get it back.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why's that?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: To prove that I'm still alive.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [woman is buried with her dog] Must've been one lonely old lady.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Or one pissed off poodle.

Jack Kenton: I can't believe you trusted me.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You sound just like my ex-wife.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Hmm. Well, I hate to break it to you, Tony, but Gibbs can be wrong sometimes.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Name one.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: The man's been married, like, four times.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: There is that.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: There is what?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nothing, boss, just discussing the case.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Or, ah, lack thereof. You still wanna look at those LESs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I dunno. You figure out how Kidwell died yet?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'll, um, I'll just get them in order for you.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kate. It was three times. Not four.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Duck, we don't have time for stories on this one.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Fine. But first I have a question: do you people find me... boring?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [speaking simultaneously with the others] No.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Of course not!
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Absolutely not.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: ...Can we get back to this now?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I wanna know why.
Lieutenant Colonel Walsh: That makes two of us, Agent Gibbs. Do you think I like get Marines back in boxes?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why don't we start with Major Kidwell, and Peary. How they died.
Lieutenant Colonel Walsh: That's need to know.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Trust me. I *need* to know!
Lieutenant Colonel Walsh: Unfortunately it seems, I don't! Their records are sealed, and every inquiry I've made has been shot down!

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Our major appears to be in perfect health.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Except for the part where he's dead.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after the suspect escapes in an armored car] That's twice! Next time, you are MINE!

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Uh, Gibbs, is there anything you wanna tell us about?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I got shot at by our fake colonel.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [rising up] No way! Did you nail him?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope!

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: The question now: is what happened to Major Peary? Is he still alive?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: There's an easy way to check.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What? You think Mrs. Peary's just gonna give us permission to dig up his grave?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't know, Kate. I wasn't planning on asking her.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tired Kate?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: It's 3 AM, Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Better get moving then.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: On what?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Need to know where the newspaper was published that was found in Kidwell.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Tonight?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Technically speaking, it's this morning.

CIA Director Bob: Those are pretty BOLD accusations, Agent Gibbs. Do you have any proof of this?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Major Peary wasn't in his grave. And Kidwell was alive four days ago. You tell me, sir.
NCIS Director Tom Morrow: Where is he now, Bob?
CIA Director Bob: [clears his throat] Well, now, on his was back to Colombia. Look, if this turns out to be true, WE will handle this! I do not need NCIS to play Internal Affairs for my agency!
NCIS Director Tom Morrow: Understood.
[the MTAC feed closes. Turns to Gibbs]
NCIS Director Tom Morrow: Go get our Marine!

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We got their R.U.C. number but they're not listed in the Marine Corps Database.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wouldn't be they weren't working for the Corps. *Definitely* C.I.A.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well, how do you know that?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How many agencies you know that drive economy-class armored cars?... Come on, Ducky wants to talk to us.
[Gibbs walks away]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: He's *really* pissed off!
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What? How can you tell?
[Tony glares at Kate shakes his head then walks away]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: ...I *really* need to get better at reading men!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Truth Is Out There (#1.17)" (2004)

Abby Sciuto: So, what about you, Gibbs? You got any fetishes?
Gibbs: I have three ex-wives. I don't have time for fetishes.

Abby Sciuto: Latex is, um, very popular in, uh, certain... circles.
Gibbs: Yeah? What kind of circles?
Abby Sciuto: Gibbs, I dunno if you're ready for this. It might upset your delicate sensibilities.
Gibbs: Oh, I'll stop you.
Abby Sciuto: Okay... maybe he was wearing a latex hood, like bondage gear, S&M fetish. I dated this guy once who just wanted me to bounce up and down on a balloon -...
Gibbs: Okay, you can stop.
Abby Sciuto: Gibbs, that is no weirder than a three hundred and fifty pound guy with half his body painted yellow and the other painted green, wearing nothing but shorts in ten degree weather and a big plastic piece of cheese on his head saying "Go Packers!"
Gibbs: Abs, it's apples and oranges.
Abby Sciuto: There's a fetish for that, too.

Tony: Stories are pretty consistent.
Gibbs: A little too consistent.
Tony: You think they're lying?
Gibbs: I think they're well-rehearsed.

Abby Sciuto: The car that hit Gordon was definitely a Taurus.
Gibbs: You're positive?
Abby Sciuto: Absolutely... unless it was a Mercury Sable.

Tony: What're we looking for?
Gibbs: Answers.
[Gibbs walks away]
Tony: You got plans tonight?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Not really.
Tony: Good. 'Cause the last time Gibbs was like this, I didn't go home for a week.
Agent Caitlin Todd: The sad part? That would actually be an improvement over my social life.

Tony: Forty mile zone ended two miles back, boss. Limit here's sixty-five. I only mention it 'cause you usually drive faster than Dale Earnhardt, Jr... Boss?
Gibbs: What?
Tony: You wanna stop for a burger?

Abby Sciuto: I dunno. Guys have all kinds of strange rituals before they go out. This one guy, he does a full upper body workout just seconds before his date so he can be all pumped.
[pause]
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Does Tony know that you know?
Abby Sciuto: Does Tony know that YOU know?

Tony: Yeah. Wonder what they were looking for.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Wonder if they found it.
Gibbs: I wonder when you two guys are gonna stop yakking and get to work.

Tony: This guy was way into reality shows. Real World. Simple Life, Punk'd...
Gibbs: Punk'd?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Geez, Gibbs, even I know what Punk'd is.
Tony: Punk'd is an MTV show where they play tricks on celebrities while secretly filming it.
Gibbs: Like Candid Camera?
Tony: What's Candid Camera?

Abby Sciuto: It's gray latex.
Gibbs: Rubber?
Abby Sciuto: One and the same.
Gibbs: Probably couldn't be used as a hat.
Abby Sciuto: Yeah, well, not if you grew up in Dorkville.
Gibbs: Grew up just west of there.

Abby Sciuto: This program rocks. It includes vall, fall, yacht, tip over, rollover, combined speed, linear momentum...
Gibbs: Abby.
Abby Sciuto: Oh, c'mon, Gibbs. You know you love it when I talk tech.

[Ducky always goes off on a tangent]
Abby Sciuto: I had this boyfriend once - not the balloon guy - but this one was like a computer genius. He put together a database of databases. I mean, it seems obvious in retrospect, like the pet rock...
Gibbs: Abby?
Abby Sciuto: Yes?
Gibbs: You're spending too much time talking to Ducky.

Gibbs: Funny thing about stereos... You can't hear the music unless the speakers are connected.

Gibbs: We gonna jump through any legal hoops?
Abby Sciuto: Oh, that's kind of a gray area.
Gibbs: How gray?
Abby Sciuto: Charcoal.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Left for Dead (#1.10)" (2004)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Have you ever made a mistake, Tony?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: According to you or me?

[Tony needs a place to stay for the night]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You remember when I stayed with you that time, when it didn't really go so well?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah. I remember, DiNozzo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, listen. I was younger then. Immature, a little unfocused...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It was six months ago, Tony.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What is with the Germans and the alphabet thing? BMW, BMG, BASF - and they're all B's.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm resisting the urge to say cut the BS.

[talking about his eyesight instead of working]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: 20/10, same as Ted Williams. He could see the seams on a fastball coming at him.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How 'bout my knuckles?

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Jethro, I don't answer forensics questions I don't know the answers to. You know that. Why do you keep asking me?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Force of habit.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: She's bonding.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Kate and Jane Doe?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh, yeah. She hasn't even questioned her yet. Her eyes pleaded for help.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Love that look in a woman.

Abby Sciuto: So I suppose you want me to find out what chastity belt this opens.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Do I look like DiNozzo?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Not funny, Boss. Besides, I could open a chastity belt.
Abby Sciuto: Have you ever seen one? Mine's *awesome!* It's 18th century French.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You have a chastity belt?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So much more information than I need to know, Abby. And not enough about this key.

Abby Sciuto: Gotcha!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I love to hear that word out of your dark lips, Abby.
Abby Sciuto: Hey guys. What's you'd find?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Kate willing to give her bedroom to Jane Doe. But not me.
Abby Sciuto: [mockingly] Shocking.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Got all teary eyed over a body she didn't know?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She's a nice lady, Gibbs!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh yeah, so you keep telling me.

Dr. Stephen Bauer: You think terrorists killed him?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: These days, I look for terrorists behind most everything!

Dr. Stephen Bauer: [watching the prototype search for bombs] In the beginning, she had some limited success, but Dr. Rutger has rewritten the software to
[a bomb explodes]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I had a hunting dog like that once.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [speaking of Dr Bauer] That son of a bitch is guilty as hell.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [at the crime scene] Okay, let's get to work.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I don't have a body!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Go find one, Duck.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Here?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sure, how many times have we had multiple victims?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Quite right, Jethro.
[Ducky walks off. Tony chuckles slightly]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's slick, Boss.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What's that?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Getting Ducky off, so he won't bug us with stories about the...
[Gibbs stares at him]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We better get back to work.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [speaking of Dr. Bauer] You as sure he buried her?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh Yeah!
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why'd he want her dead?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I got a couple of ideas.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Wanna share?
[Gibbs hangs up]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I guess not.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Reveille (#1.23)" (2004)

Gibbs: [Gibbs is working on his boat while the TV in the background mentions Ari Haswari's failed mission] Suspected drug dealers. Whose idea was that?
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Secret Service.
Gibbs: They give Ari his get out of jail for free pass too?
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Nah, CIA dd that. All the Directors agreed, including yours. Ari's father was Mossad, probably knocked his mother up to get a son with Arab blood. Sent him to medical school to vet him as a doctor in Gaza. This guys' been a sleeper all his life.
Gibbs: [deadpan] Well, I'd like to put him in a coma.
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Al Qaeda fronted this Hamas OP. Ari was just having to do what'd make his bones with 'em.
Gibbs: [uncompromising on his answer] You tell that to Gerald.
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You forget I lost a man and had three wounded.
Gibbs: No, but it seems you did.
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You know better than that.
Gibbs: There's a line, Tobias. That bastard crossed it. You don't make your bones shooting friends.
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: What you want him to do. He's in Al Qaeda.
Gibbs: [smacks boat hard] *I don't know!*

Gibbs: [entering the NCIS morgue to meet with the terrorist Ari Haswari, opens a body bag containing Marta's body, one of Ari's partners] She was beautiful.
Ari Haswari: Very.
Gibbs: [noticing that ari is unmoved] Did you make love to her and then blow her brains out?
Ari Haswari: She would do the same to me.
Gibbs: Why do you do this?
Ari Haswari: The same reason you do.
Gibbs: I don't think so.
Ari Haswari: Then you're lying to yourself.
Gibbs: What now? You go back to the middle east? Tell them that Marta was Mossad and she blew the op?
Ari Haswari: Yes.
Gibbs: Two out failures in a row. I'd axe your ass if you worked for me.
Ari Haswari: People who blow themeselves apart to kill there enemies have lower expectations.
Gibbs: How do you sell Marta as a double agent?
Ari Haswari: My men the FBI permitted to escape, they know the effort I put into this operation, buying Smokey Sams, kidnapping Agent Todd so i could identify Marine 1, and when they search Marta's apartment they will find money and documents traceable to Mossad. Hamas will believe me. Al Quaeda is more wary.
Gibbs: They don't believe you, you're dead.
Ari Haswari: Yes. And if they do I may learn what they plan as the next 9/11. Would you risk losing that opportunity over pride?
Gibbs: [wanting revenge] It's not pride.
Ari Haswari: If not pride then what? Love of country? Sense of duty? I'm sure they exist in you, but what burns is pride my friend. Shalom.
Gibbs: [as Ari leaves Gibbs shoots him point blank in the shoulder, just as Ari did with Gerald earlier] Just wanted to help you convince Al Quaeda.
[Gibbs leaves calmly while Ari laughs at Gibbs resolve]

Tony: Well, what's wrong, other than the Hamas guy?
Gibbs: The Hamas guy! You know: the terrorist, the bastard, the ass! We call him everything but his name. You know why that is?
Tony: Because we don't know his name?
Gibbs: Because you're not working a hot case. I want his name! I want it *today!* And don't tell me it's Moby Dick!

DiNozzo: I'm sorry I took a long lunch, Boss, but I was working a hot case.
Gibbs: What's a hot case to you, DiNozzo? Shadowing a tight ass?
DiNozzo: That's not fair, Boss.
Gibbs: War is not fair! And we are at war. Until I dismiss you, which could be any moment now, you will fight that war 24/7. That includes eating, sleeping, taking a crap. Got that?
DiNozzo: Yes, Boss. Can I say something?
Gibbs: Only if it has something to do with that bastard I'm after!
DiNozzo: It does.
Gibbs: Then speak!
DiNozzo: Boss... You've really gotta see Moby Dick.

[Gibbs spent the night in his office chair]
Abby Sciuto: Would you be less grumpy if you slept in a bed?
Gibbs: No, I would not!
Abby Sciuto: I didn't think so.

Gibbs: [to Kate] Rule #7: Always be specific when you lie.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [regarding the terrorist who shot Gerald and Gibbs] Why did he give you a shot at him?
Gibbs: He needs to face death to feel alive. Maybe, to feel anything.

Gibbs: Where's Kate and Tony?
Timothy McGee: Went to lunch with Ducky.
Gibbs: When?
Timothy McGee: Uh... about an hour... or so... ago.
Gibbs: I want "or so" in minutes, McGee.

Gibbs: DiNozzo comes back, put him under house arrest.
Timothy McGee: [Gibbs strides off. McGee is clearly disconcerted] Me?

FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Directors want your word that you'll forget about Ari. They think you'll blow his cover.
Gibbs: If I get paid back, it won't be by blowing his cover. Why are *you* asking me this and not my director?
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: He refused to.
Gibbs: [Gibbs finally laughs] Yeah.

[a furious Gibbs is sanding his boat, producing clouds of sawdust]
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [coughing] How the hell do you breathe in all this dust?
Gibbs: I don't.

[last lines]
Gibbs: [to Ari] Just wanted to help you convince Al Qaeda.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: McGee said you were looking for me. Actually he said I was under house arrest. I figured it was your way of making a point.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Do I have to tell you the name of the creek you're up without a paddle? Or how deep it is?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: About up to my knees?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ah, so you're familiar with this creek?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Eye Spy (#1.11)" (2004)

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You know, I bet this is why your second wife came after you with a nine iron, isn't it. You just refused to sit down and... talk things through.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Actually, that wasn't it at all.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Oh? So what was it, then?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: A seven iron.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [after Tony throws himself in front of a wave. Tony stands up shivering] You okay? What is it?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Shrinkage.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You still in touch with your old NASA boyfriend?
Abby Sciuto: He *wasn't* a boyfriend. He was a *boytoy*! And yes, we IM everyday.

Worth: What's NCIS?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Navy Criminal Investigative Service.
Worth: [trns and walks away from Kate] I've got nothing to talk to you about.
[walks up the stairs and is met by Gibbs]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm Special Agent Gibbs, the same agency you haven't heard of before, only I don't take it personally any more.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I think he had concerns about performance.
CIA Director Roper: Well you're WRONG!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [turning to Kate] I try so *hard*... not to be wrong, don't I, Kate?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You're very conscientious in that regard, Gibbs.

Ben Richmond: Are you insinuating I had something to do with Tom Egan's death?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I try so hard not to insinuate, don't I Kate?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You rarely insinuate, Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, all I'm doing now is taking your records.
Ben Richmond: I'm calling my legal counsel!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I would bet that he would insinuate plenty.

Gina: I just really hate tanlines, don't you?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sometimes I lay awake at night thinking about that.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You still *don't* believe she knew about her husband's affair?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: The wife's always the last one to know, Gibbs!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't believe it!

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well let's just say that she's more appealing from a distance... a geosynchronous distance.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: She didn't look to bad to me.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's *not* that. She's just not my *type*.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [slight chuckle] Really? A female hardbody who likes to take her clothes off is not your type?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I guess not.

CIA Assistant Director Jonathan Overmeier: I'm not denying we have the capability, but you know as well as I do it would be a *violation* of CIA *mandate* to operate domestically.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Right.
[slight chuckle]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You never do anything illegal. We have the same Uncle writing our paychecks. We do what we do to get the job done.
CIA Assistant Director Jonathan Overmeier: I appreciate the sentiment, Agent Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't have the need to know why you have a satellite pointed at Little Creek. I have a murder to solve. I could use your help.
CIA Assistant Director Jonathan Overmeier: There's nothing I can do to help you Special Agent Gibbs.
[rising up]
CIA Assistant Director Jonathan Overmeier: If you'll excuse me.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as they're about to talk to Lt. Egan] No matter how many times I do this, it never gets any easier.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: We should have had DiNozzo handle this interview.
[Gibbs stares at Kate]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Just kidding!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Somebody who likes to be naked isn't your type, DiNozzo?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Hung Out to Dry (#1.2)" (2003)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How long to find the acid and check out the rest of the chutes?
Abby Sciuto: Well, I'm flying solo, so at least a day.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Go faster if you had an assistant?
Abby Sciuto: Definitely.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Okay, you got the job.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I get to do forensics?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No, you get to schlep for Abby. She gets to do forensics.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Then we got our guy.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope. All we got is a pile of dead skin. Only thing you can use the DNA registry for is to identify a body.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well, there has to be a way around that.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: See, NOW you're thinking like an NCIS agent.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You ever jump?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sure, when I get an electric shock.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He could've given Thumper a dirty chute.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What'd you say?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Ramsay could've given Thumper a sabotaged chute.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No, you said dirty.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: With Gibbs, you never know.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We ever gonna make the eleven o'clock news?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Coulda happened tonight if you'd broke your neck.

Jimmy: We were hanging out, listening to Dashboard Confessional.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Emo.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Emo?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Emotional music. Gotta get a radio, Gibbs.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We're going with you boys. NCIS training mission.
Capt. Faul: Now why don't I believe that... Hell. Why not? Hate to pass up the opportunity to toss a couple NCIS agents out of a plane.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Dinozzo, what're you doin'?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Just doin' a little research for Abby.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: For Abby?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, maybe I'm servin' two masters.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're servin' one, now.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: How did you get into NCIS?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I smiled?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Y'know, some of these guys freeze on their first jump. Have to be kicked in the ass to get them out.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Not me.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope. You fall in the category that want a kick in the ass on the ground.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: ID withheld...
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Probably the reason you married her. I mean, she probably hid her real personality as most women do, and by that time it was too late because you'd already... I'm gonna shut up now.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Now?

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You knew Lt. Roberts wasn't going to lawyer us access to the Military DNA Database.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Did I?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You did. So why go through the exercise?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kate, I come from a long line of horse traders. First Rule: You pick the best horse in the barn and you work the deal until it bursts.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That way when you go for the second best nag you get her for a song.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: The search authorization...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We didn't have probable cause, but the Lieutenant, he's a man who aims to please. You never work the system when you can work the people.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Did any of those horse traders get hung?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, a few.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Model Behavior (#3.11)" (2005)

[last lines]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Tony, about the black roses] Your flowers are dead.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Accidental overdose, Duck?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I doubt it. She had enough PCP in her system to kill a small water buffalo.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Water buffalo?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I tire of saying "small horse."

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, Abs, got some good news for you. i just talked to the director and your new assistant starts Monday.
Abby Sciuto: No, Gibbs! No. I can't go through that again. That-
[realizes Gibbs is joking]
Abby Sciuto: That is so not funny!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No?
Abby Sciuto: No.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It was to me, kind of.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after a reporter has creatively edited Gibbs' words] You want me to help fix this? Then get me that reporter's number?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You're going to apologize?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. Ask her to dinner.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: McGee, photos. Ziva, interview the rest of the models. DiNozzo...
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Boss, I'm pretty familiar with the show. Maybe I should interview them.
Officer Ziva David: That would work for me. I hate models.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That so? McGee, help Ziva. Interview them.
[shoves the camera into Tony's chest]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Any other suggestions DiNozzo?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, I think I got it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Good.

Abby Sciuto: It's kinda fun. It reminds me of Bill Nye.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Who?
Abby Sciuto: Bill Nye, the Science Guy. Wacky scientist with a kid's show?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh, it's like Mr. Wizard.
Abby Sciuto: Who?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never mind.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: [arriving at a motel] Millions of dollars, a supermodel girlfriend, and this is where he stays?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, he showed up in style.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: I think I would've rather slept in the car.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: I think I have something, Boss.
[pause]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Are you waiting for me to guess, Elflord?

Hannah Bressling: Fingerprint away, sweetheart. It wasn't me.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We don't need it. They're already in your arrest record.
Officer Ziva David: From the time you beat up your assistant with your cell phone, I believe.
Natalie Vance: Well, it wasn't me.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope. We've got yours too.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, remember that time you drove your SUV through the front of the Limelight.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: How did you track him down?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Got an urgent call from the President.
[McGee looks confused]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: His Am-Ex records were in the fax machine, McGee.

Abby Sciuto: [about Bill Nye the Science Guy] Wacky scientist with a kid's show?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh, like Mr. Wizard
Abby Sciuto: Who?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Last Man Standing (#6.1)" (2008)

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after McGee tells them how to locate some files] That the fastest way?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: I was worried you might ask me that.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: We never had this conversation.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Mr. Palmer, tell Agent Gibbs he can send in the B team.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] Implies there's an A team, Duck.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Isn't there?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: They're all A teams.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Perhaps some even A plus.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after someone calls McGee Boss] "Boss"?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [Looks up and notices Gibbs] Boss. I'm not really their Boss. They just, uh, call me that because I'm a... field agent. I carry the hand gun. It's good to see you, Boss.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: The reason I broke up your team, Gibbs, was because whoever was blackmailing Vargo was an NCIS agent.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not one of mine.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: No. From what Vargo told me, I narrowed it down to three agents. Only reason I broke up your team was so I form a new one.
[turns on display with Gibbs's new team]
NCIS Director Leon Vance: So you can help me find out which one of these three is betraying their country.

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: We.l, it's not the same. We were a team. I would give this up in a heartbeat to be working with you and Ziva again!
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And DiNozzo?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: ...Yeah, him too.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: Solve this first, then we'll talk.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva too.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ah life on the ocean blue, me hearties. If the scurvy don't get you, then the pox will. And tell me this, me little McShipmate, how's that scurrilous black-hearted pirate king of ours Captain One-Shot Gibbs?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] Well I'm just fine, DiNozzo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh... uh...
[DiNozzo slaps the back of his own head]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: There you go, Boss. Welcome aboard.

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [after ending video conversation with DiNozzo] He's insane!
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah.

NCIS Special Agent Brent Langer: Four months I've been sitting here fielding calls for DiNozzo. And I swear - they're all women.
NCIS Special Agent Michelle Lee: [pops up from underneath Ziva's desk] And that surprises you? Have you seen my Oman Threat Assessment?
NCIS Special Agent Brent Langer: [holds up the file] Oh, is that what this is?
[chuckles]
NCIS Special Agent Brent Langer: And I thought it was a copy for a travel brochure. Come see sunny Oman.
NCIS Special Agent Michelle Lee: Give me the file, Langer. Come on.
NCIS Special Agent Brent Langer: [holds it over her head] Ooh...
NCIS Special Agent Daniel T. Keating: Give her the file, Langer.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [appears behind Brent] Give her the file, Langer.
NCIS Special Agent Daniel T. Keating: [stands at attention] Good morning, sir.
NCIS Special Agent Michelle Lee: Morning, sir.
NCIS Special Agent Brent Langer: [stands lazily and hands Lee the file] Morning, sir.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So glad we all agree on something.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [ater Abby hands him a yellow post-it] One... two... six.
Abby Sciuto: One hundred and twenty-six. That is the number of days that Tony, McGee and Ziva have been gone. I really didn't think you'd let it get into triple-digits, Gibbs. But now it's way more. It's like a third of a whole year. I miss them.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Abby, you had lunch with McGee yesterday.
Abby Sciuto: It's not the same. I miss them collectively, as a group. My three musketeers. Tim is the only one I've seen. No Tony, no Ziva. I get postcards from Tony.
[hugs Gibbs]
Abby Sciuto: I want them back, Gibbs. Please get them back.
[Abby releases him and looks at him sternly]
Abby Sciuto: You have ten days. Okay, I don't want to pressure you. So twelve. But no more than two weeks.
[Gibbs smirks and walks off]
Abby Sciuto: And stop taking the stairs!
[the elevator dings and Abby smiles]

NCIS Special Agent Michelle Lee: Look, I know you never thought much of me as a field agent. You probably never thought much of me as a lawyer.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hmm, that's more of the profession than the person.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Bounce (#6.16)" (2009)

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: McGee...
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: What?
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Victim's background, credit cards, bank statement. Gibbs, take a look at Renny's appeal, use it to catch yourself up on the original embezzlement case. Then work with McGee.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: On it, Boss.
Ziva David, Mossad Liaison: [to Gibbs] Are you going back to Mexico?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Rule number 38?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Mmhmm.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Gibbs enters] Oh, hey Boss... Uh, Jethro. Did you catch up on Renny's embezzlement case?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yes, and I went through his appeal.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Let me guess, wasted three years of his life.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No, you did. Kid was innocent.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He got scared. He found out his partner was going to meet with the agent from the original case. It wasn't DiNozzo. But the killer didn't know that, so if I'm him, I'm wondering why my buddy is meeting with a Federal Agent. Hmm maybe he's going to flip on me. He can't if he's dead. There's our motive. We just need our killer.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [DiNozzo enters] May have just found him. Abby matched a print from Renny's Hotel room to one of his former co-workers. A Commander Carl Davis. Gear up!
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs starts to go. McGee and Ziva look at Gibbs] What?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: We've just never heard you say that much in one time.
Ziva David, Mossad Liaison: Or in a week!
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wasn't my job before. Come on!

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The burning Bed. 1984 Farrah Fawcett.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Torched her husband while he was sleeping. Second wife's favorite movie.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Maybe Commander Davis's wife is going for a sequel.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [McGee enters holding an envelope] Hell hath no fury...
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Like a woman scorned. Third wife's favorite quote.

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [Reading a note] "Paid a Private Investigator to follow my wife. Just thought you should know what he found."
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The other husband how kind of him. What did they say?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Misery loves company.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Where did you get that? Your fourth wife?

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Save the pep talk, we both know I screwed up.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, three years ago... But now you're making it right... And me proud... You've been doing... a hell of a job, Anthony. Until about three minutes ago. Get your head on right.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What would you like me to do?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Trust your gut.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I think I'd rather trust yours right now.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Moving closer to DiNozzo] Then give me my damn phone back!

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Betcha five bucks, Tony does the chair toss technique.
Ziva David, Mossad Liaison: Mm, ten he switches to strong silent.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nah, twenty he's gonna do the picutre tear.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Circ du Solei. My mother and I caught two shows in one evening. She's an admirer to say the least.
Jimmy Palmer: Aren't we all?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Not like my mother. She had an infatuation for one of the tumblers for quite some time.
Jimmy Palmer: Mark or Ignasio?
[Ducky gives him a look]
Jimmy Palmer: I-I followed Ignasio's career for quite some time and he was...
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering] Why don't you quit while you're behind, Palmer?
Jimmy Palmer: Quitting, sir.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Tony] On it, Boss.
Ziva David, Mossad Liaison: Does this mean you're going back to Mexico?

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Ziva and McGee stare at him after he explains the killer's motive] What?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: We've just never heard you say that much at one time before.
Ziva David, Mossad Liaison: Or in a week.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You know I would never drink on a school night.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Where were you last night?
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Drinking.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Alone?
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Of course not! Not that there's anything wrong with drinking bourbon alone in your basement with a boat. What were we talking about?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Light Sleeper (#3.14)" (2006)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: A good investigator doesn't sit around. He assumes everything he's been told is false until it checks out. I want you to check every possible lead, every possible angle.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: On it, Boss.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: There's only one time I want you to stop, McGee.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: When you tell me.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No! When you're satisfied! When YOU'RE SATISIFIED!

[last lines]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tony, Ziva, about what happened back at the bomb...
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You don't have to say it boss, we know how you feel about us.
Officer Ziva David: Gibbs, we're a team, that's what we do.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I was going to say: If either one of you two wingnuts ever disobey a direct order again, I'll kill you myself.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [pause] That's our boss.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo, I want to know about anybody in the area who's made threats against Koreans, foreign Marine wives, or women.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh, is that all?
[Gibbs kicks DiNozzo's desk]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: On it boss!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to McGee after giving DiNozzo and Ziva their orders] Come on, you're with me Elf Lord.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: They're evacuating the building, boss and the a... ah... That's a really big bomb.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You think, DiNozzo?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Not exactly groundbreaking police work there.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [smacks the back of McGee's head] She's not done yet.
Abby Sciuto: Thank you, Gibbs.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tell me I didn't just smack McGee for no good reason.
Abby Sciuto: You didn't just smack McGee for no good reason.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as DiNozzo is talking about celebrity gossip] DiNozzo, shut up.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Shutting up, Boss.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss, did you find her?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, McGee. She's hiding in my coffee cup.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You know, the FBI does not exist solely to piss me off. Sometimes they can be useful.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What about gunshot residue?
Abby Sciuto: The instant shooter kit came back negative on Porter's skin, shirt, and pants.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Could've worn gloves...
Abby Sciuto: Or he could've changed his clothes. I'm way ahead of you, Gibbs. That's why I'm doing a full analysis on all of Porter's wardrobe.
Abby Sciuto: [as Gibbs] How long, Abby?
Abby Sciuto: [as herself] Well it's gonna take some time. And since this stuff doesn't smell very good, I don't think laundry was a priority.
Abby Sciuto: [as Gibbs] Abs!
Abby Sciuto: [as herself] Um, two hours. Whenever I know something, you'll know something.
Abby Sciuto: [as Gibbs] You got one. anything else?
Abby Sciuto: [as herself] Yes as a matter of fact. This is for you.
[hands Gibbs a coffee]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why?
Abby Sciuto: For getting me out of sensitivity training. We were about to do trust falls and those guys in administration have wandering hands.
Abby Sciuto: [as Gibbs] Just give me their names, Abs, and I'll break 'em for you.
Abby Sciuto: [as herself] I know you will, Gibbs. And that is why I love you.
[Gibbs gives her a peck on the cheek]

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Silent Night (#6.11)" (2008)

Jackson 'Jack' Gibbs: [Gibbs makes a call on his cell phone] Hello?
Gibbs: Merry Christmas, Dad.
Jackson 'Jack' Gibbs: Merry Christmas, Son.

Ned Quinn: [Gibbs has driven Quinn to his daughters house] To much time has passed.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: If I one wish for Christmas Day, it would be to hug my daughter. That can never be. But you have that chance.
Ned Quinn: Thank you.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Something wrong, Jethro?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Fingerprints found at a double homicide yesterday belong to a Petty Officer who is supposed to have been dead 17 years.
[Hands Ducky a folder]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: His death certificate.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Oh dear.
[gaffs]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Someone's in trouble.
[looks at the death certificate]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I signed it?

Abby Sciuto: I don't know what to get anybody. What do you think Tony needs?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: An attitude adjustment.
Abby Sciuto: Gibbs, you're not helping.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [Standing at the Viet Nam Memorial] No matter how many times I come here, it still gets to me... You look at name, you have to look at a reflection of yourself. You are among the fallen.
Ned Quinn: Yeah. Difference is you can leave. The names don't.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: No. Death is permanent... Except in your case Ned Quinn.
Ned Quinn: It's been a long time since someone's called me that.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: You asked for it. Better work fast. You only have a day.
[leaves]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Merry Christmas.
Abby Sciuto: [Abby enters] Hey guys, what's up?
NCIS Director Leon Vance: I hope no one has plans.

Metro Detective Justin Kemp: You going to explain to me why you broke into the crime scene?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Are you going to explain to me why you didn't remove yourself from this case?
Metro Detective Justin Kemp: Why would I do that?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Avery Taylor was suing your father-in-law. You have no business investigating Taylor's murder.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You might've redeemed yourself Abby.
Abby Sciuto: What'd I do?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Called Quinn's daughter.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: The alarm was deactivated at 217 AM this morning. Between the time Kemp seal the house and you...
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Broke in.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Well I was going to say "gained unauthorized access." Alarm was activated 4 minutes later.

Ned Quinn: [parked in front of Quinn's daughter's house] There's too much time that's past.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: If I had one wish for Christmas. It would be to hug my daughter... That can never be... You have that chance.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Deliverance (#6.15)" (2009)

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh, it could have been that girl I met at the concession stand while my date was in the bathroom.
Ziva David, Mossad Liaison: You need a secretary.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Or a therapist.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Or both!

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Don't know what the "G" stands for but it's nine digits. Could be a military service number. I'll run it.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't have to... It's mine!

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: You've never left the scene of a crime before I arrived until this case, Jethro.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, had something else to do.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Something to do with your Marine Corp Service number?
NCIS Director Leon Vance: [Leon enters] I was wondering the same thing myself... You're avoiding me.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I've been busy solving a murder, Leon. When I have something you'll be the first to know.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Only one person knew about her... you.
Mike Franks: Eighteen years is a long time, Probie.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: She's in DC, today, Mike.
Mike Franks: What do you want me to say?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Whatever it is you're not saying!

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Rose had a son?
Mike Franks: Uh, yeah. Was about a year old when i brought her here.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You knew?
Mike Franks: I'm guessing you didn't.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I've got nothing to hide, Leon.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Everybody's got something to hide!

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as Leon picks up Gibb's classified Service folder] Some good stuff in the last five pages.

Mike Franks: Let me talk to that kid, I'll get him to tell us what the hell's going on here.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm afraid I can't do that, Mike. I let him go.
Mike Franks: You WHAT?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You wanna find something, you follow it. Learned that one from you.
[Franks and Gibbs start to leave. Tony and Ziva start to follow. Gibbs stops them]
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Uh Uh. You two, MTAC... with McGee.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Got it Boss.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It'll lead us to the truth.
Mike Franks: [Franks scoffs] The truth.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah! Which you should have told me seventeen years ago!

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What's the truth?
Mike Franks: The truth is *she* didn't want you to know!... She knew you were still putting the pieces together after Shannon and Kelly. Didn't want to complicate your life. Guess she didn't get her wish after all.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Aliyah (#6.25)" (2009)

Special Agent Timothy McGee: I can't believe I'm telling you this. Tony's going to kill me.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not if Mossad gets to him first.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Well, you don't think the Director's going to just hand him over?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Got a problem, McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: You mean apart from Tony killing Ziva's friend and Ziva's apartment blowing up? No. No problem at all.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Good. Then shoot.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Doesn't add up. DiNozzo's more a brawler. Rivkin was kidon.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Ah, I thought you'd never ask.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: [Watching DiNozzo being interviewed by Eli] Son of a bitch! How many times did I tell DiNozzo to leave his smart ass attitude back in D.C.?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You should've checked his bags.

Officer Ziva David: Hadar set the fire.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Covering for Rivkin.
Officer Ziva David: I was betrayed by Mossad, by my father, by Tony. Who's next? You?

Officer Ziva David: [Referring to DiNozzo] I'm not sure we can work together. Perhaps it is best if one of us gets transferred to another team.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Transferred?
Officer Ziva David: I need to be able to trust the people that I work with. I know you more than anyone understand that.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [pause. Kisses Ziva on the cheek] Take care of yourself.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [Entering Gibbs's basement] Jethro, forgive the intrusion.
[notices the boat is missing from the basement]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: How did you possibly manage to -?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Aw geez, Duck. You gonna ask me that every time?

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I know this decision must not have come easily.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It wasn't my decision.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: But Tony said...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No, it was Ziva's. From the moment she asked me to choose.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: Let me make it easy for you, Gibbs. You made the right call.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I wasn't asking your opinion, Leon.
[Starts to leave]
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Just who the Hell do you think you're talking to?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs slams the Director's door shut. And walks back] That's a damn good question! I've been wondering about that for a while!
NCIS Director Leon Vance: You know you spend half your time second guessing me, studying me, testing me.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm looking for answers.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: It'd help if you ask the damn questions!... There's the rub. You don't have a clue what to ask. You don't trust me but you don't know why.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: I know you don't want to hear this, Gibbs. But now, you have to trust me. And if you're right about Ziva's alligence to you, she'll serve us well in Mossad.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, and if you're right about her father... we'll never see her again.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Smoked (#4.10)" (2006)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You two done playing grab-ass yet?
Officer Ziva David: Oh, he started it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah? I'm ending it.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You're enjoying this.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Only slightly more than a lot.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You know what's got me freaked out? If her husband hadn't gotten stuck in the smoke stack, we never would've caught her. She'd still be out there.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I can do one better than that.
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Can't top that, Jethro.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What was a toe doing in her husband's stomach?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You know how I feel about apologies.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: It's a sign of weakness.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not among friends. I'm sorry, Ducky. I should've told you about Shannon and Kelly.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I should have told you something months ago. Welcome home, Jethro.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: He was stabbed repeatedly and fatally.
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: With WHAT? A safety pin?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: As I explained, the shrinkage of the flesh is deceptive. Most likely it was an icepick or philips head screwdriver.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Somebody killed your serial killer Fornell.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: On a Marine base! Which means it is still OUR jurisdiction!
[tears up the order to transfer the case to the FBI]

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: And the moral of course is...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's never a good idea to get married.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: No, it's best not to judge someone until all the facts are in.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I like mine better.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I was on the team that nailed Ted Bundy, Gibbs. I know something about sick, charming bastards.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's probably why we get along so well.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [referring to the case] No hard feelings Jethro?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope, just need you to look at something before you leave.
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You've got that mustache in a box, don't you?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [about Tony and Ziva] You two done playing grab-ass yet?
Officer Ziva David: Oh, he started it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah? Well, I'm ending it.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Tony and Ziva] You two done playing grab-ass yet?
Officer Ziva David: Oh, he started it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, I'm ending it.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Dead Reckoning (#6.20)" (2009)

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Trent calls Gibbs] Gibbs.
Trent Kort: Hello there Gibbs, about that favor you owe me.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I thought you were riding a desk at the Agency trying to stay out of trouble.
Trent Kort: Guess that didn't work out. Afraid if I gave you too many details you wouldn't have shown. Think they shot each other.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That the best story you got?
Trent Kort: One I'm sticking to.

Trent Kort: Keep me on a short leash Gibbs?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, and a muzzle if I have to.
Trent Kort: I thought we turned a corner in our relationship. You asked me for something, I asked you for something.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I didn't ask you turn up dirt on Vance.
Trent Kort: But you read the file anyway.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. I don't waste time on fiction.

Trent Kort: Caution is an asset in our line of work. Trust is, uh elusive at best.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No it's not. Not between us, it's impossible. But I honor my debts.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: Trent Kort shows up bearing gifts. I wanna know what's in it for him.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Trent Kort does not gain anything by leaking information, Leon.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Then I wanna know who does. Find the leak. Find Siravo. I want the CIA out of my house!

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Bank robberies from bad guys. Is that how the CIA finances their operations?
Trent Kort: I'm just trying to get back in the starting line up.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's possible you're more dangerous behind a desk.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You would've done things differently, Leon?
NCIS Director Leon Vance: I would. I do... But in the last two minutes, you gotta let your quarterback call the plays. Nice win.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: You didn't take your team.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I didn't know what it was yet. It *was* Kort.

Abby Sciuto: [discussing what is on a suspect's laptop] He was a killer gamer though! And he plays a boat load of sims.
[looks at Gibbs]
Abby Sciuto: Translation video games. The rest is mostly spreadsheets, bank accounts, and porn. Spreadsheets and porn, that's two totally different things.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, I already know that.
Abby Sciuto: Ok, I was just checking.

Perry Sterling: [preparing to take some medicine] Can I have some water?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: First, immunity. Now water? No more demands.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Probie (#3.10)" (2005)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs shoots a suspect after McGee freezes] If you ever hesitate because you second guessed yourself again, I'll take your badge! We clear?

Officer Ziva David: They're going to interrogate McGee this afternoon. Request was approved by the Director.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And you know this how?
Officer Ziva David: I'm a spy, remember?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So, a doppleganger is someone who's pissed.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Yes, Agent Gibbs, this one definitely is...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [interrupting] Why?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Why! Because you countermanded me in front of Metro Police!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I didn't countermand you... you overruled me!
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [disgusted sigh] Semantics!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Is that like doppleganger?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Get a dictionary!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [frustrated, barks loudly at Ziva and Tony] Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on here? First, Abby's "lab nerd" frames DiNozzo for murder, and then McGee kills a cop? Did somebody break a mirror?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: The CNO's aide called me a 7 a.m. this morning. Admiral Chapman wants to know what's going on. He asked me...
[notices Gibbs a pecular look on Gibbs's face]
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: What are you thinking about?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Paris.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So he shot him from behind the wheel.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Wrong, Boss!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva, slap him.
[Ziva gleefully smacks the back of DiNozzo's head]

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: The CNO's aide called me a 7am this morning. Admiral Chapman wants to know what's going on. He asked me...
[notices Gibbs a peculiar look on Gibbs's face]
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: What are you thinking about?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Paris.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro. Let's get some answers.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I'm flashing back to Paris, in '99
[pause while Gibbs has a flashback of kissing Jen in Paris]
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Not what you're thinking!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No... then what?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I remember you covering for another agent... who messed up.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What agent was that?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You know damn well what agent.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh, you mean the time you shot that guy.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You are a junior Director!
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: That's enough Special Agent Gibbs!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You need to learn how to say "no".
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I do know how to say "no". Or don't you remember?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You are a junior Director!
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: That's enough Special Agent Gibbs!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You need to learn how to say "no".
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I did say "no" Jethro. Or have you forgotten?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Seadog (#1.3)" (2003)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The secret of a good bluff is not to bluff.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [holding a bag of money] This was found on these two boys in the cooler. It's counterfeit. It comes from a foreign government known to support terrorism. That makes you two dirtbags suspected enemy combatants under the Patriot Act. Tony, read them their rights. Put them on the first Navy transport to Gitmo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You do not have the right to remain silent. You do not have the right to an attorney. One will not be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights you *don't* have?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What's that?
DEA Agent Kent Fuller: Asset forfeiture notice.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't you have to find drugs *first*?
DEA Agent Kent Fuller: I used to worry about rules like that, then I met you guys!

Abby Sciuto: I ran those prints through the Beareau. I got nada.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You did not have access to the full database.
Abby Sciuto: [to Fornell] You're holding out on us! That is not nice!

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He could be a power company employee doing his job.
[the suspect picks up his weapon and starts shooting at them]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No! I don't think so!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How many numbers did he dial?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Six.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: One more and bada-bing-bada-boom.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Lucky he wasn't phony savy.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Savy enough to wire three phones to the same number.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah. What if he used speed dial?

[watching Kate and Tony argue]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why do I feel like a high school principal?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Quoting a memo] All agents, not working active cases, are to attend a sexual harassment lecture at the NCIS Human Resource Center at 0930 hours, today.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I can not sit through another one of those, I will shoot myself.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You mean they actually train you guys how to harass?
[Gets a dirty look from Gibbs]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Hey, I'm kidding, except for Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The last time, Kate, I was only trying to get my seat belt on.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Right! Seat Belt.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How many drug dealers can you think of, that leave the body *and* the money?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Bloodbath (#3.21)" (2006)

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: So this was an accident?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Abby, doesn't have accidents!
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Well Abby also doesn't have enemies. I mean it's not like we're talking about Agent DiNozzo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hey!... Ma'am.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [after McGee's chair has been confiscated by Gibbs, for failing to protect Abby the night before] Where's your chair?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: He doesn't deserve to sit.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: With that ass?

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I don't want you to be alone tonight, Abs. You're going with McGee!
Abby Sciuto: Great! Like I haven't been traumatized enough today.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Did you request this specific room when you called the lodge?
Lillian Hencheck: No we asked for the one with the eviscerated squirrels, but this was all they had.
Frank Dreyer: What the hell kind of question is that?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Our last one.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Give it back, Tony. It was a gift.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: From who? Your wet nurse?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. From me.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nice calendar, Boss.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [to Abby and McGee] I don't anticipate any long term side-effects.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Better not be. You two don't have permission to be sick.

Abby Sciuto: I dated him last year and things just got a little out of hand.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Did I mention the restraining order?
Abby Sciuto: Ok it was lot out of hand.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why didn't you come to me, Abby?
Abby Sciuto: Because, Gibbs, I wanted him restrained. Not beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Abby's stalker] The only reason you're still able to walk is that I'd never heard about you before today.

Abby Sciuto: [showing him her stun gun] Ziva gave me this. Cynthia gave me the pepper spray. The knuckles are Director Shepherd's.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No one is going to hurt you, Abby.
Abby Sciuto: You're just saying that to make me feel better.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Did it?
Abby Sciuto: Yeah, can you say it again.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nobody's gonna hurt you, Abs.
[puts his arm around her]
Abby Sciuto: Can I stay at NCIS until you find him?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Mm-hm. I'll move you're whole lab into the elevator if it will make you feel better.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Minimum Security (#1.8)" (2003)

Abby Sciuto: Perfume is expensive, Gibbs. I can't just hang out at the Macy's tester tray with my lab kit. They frown on that sort of behavior.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Buy what you need to, Abby, we'll deal with it later.
Abby Sciuto: Bold, Gibbs. Bold.

Abby Sciuto: Perfume is the most powerful accessory a woman can wear.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, well, how much did all this power cost us?
Abby Sciuto: Around fifteen hundred.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Fifteen hundred dollars?
Abby Sciuto: Well, not including the tax. I stuck to the thirty most popular scents hoping we'd get lucky.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ah, how fiscally responsible, Ab.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why is it that women always wanna fix what doesn't need fixing?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: It makes us feel all warm inside.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So does Scotch

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Can I drink?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sure. Sarsaparilla.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Sarsaparilla? Who drinks sarsaparilla?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Shane.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Who's Shane?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Alan Ladd.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Who's Alan Ladd?

Special Agent Leory Jethro Gibbs: [speaking of Easter Eggs] They were hidden in the porn?
Abby Sciuto: My cursor has moved across places that would make Tony blush.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Try and brand the cologne.
Abby Sciuto: Why, you want some?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope, don't use cologne. Women I date think the smell of sawdust is sexy. That's probably why I don't... date many women.

William Gamal: Well, the psychiatrist examined him and is worried for his mental health.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: She looks awfully lonely back there.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: So, I think one of us should go and keep her company.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: She is one of us.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kate... *scoffs*
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What?
[Gibbs gives Kate the "whatever" look]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well, I can't let her ride alone.
[Tony unbuckles himself before Kate does and walks back over to Cassidy]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why is it that women always want to fix what doesn't need fixing?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Makes us feel all warm inside.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So does scotch, but it doesn't cost you a house.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Bumps into Tony in the elevator] You had better have a good reason for spilling my coffee.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I do. I booked us on the first AMC flight to Gitmo tomorrow.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Unbook it.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I knew it! I told Kate you were pulling my leg.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The Navy's giving us a priority ride today.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You mean it?
[Gets the stare from Gibbs]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You do mean it?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Normally I hate priority rides, but who cares if it's going...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What's wrong with priority rides?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: C'mon, boss. You're telling me you like sitting on canvas seats slimmed between cargo pallets?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, makes me feel like I'm back in the Corps.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Toxic (#6.21)" (2009)

Special Agent Timothy McGee: [Referring to a body] He looks cold.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Least of his problems, McGee.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Don't tell me she needs a root canal.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. Fornell just called. Abby's been... requested.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Requested?
Officer Ziva David: By...?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He didn't know. He just said the FBI had orders to transport her.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [McGee goes to his desk] Okay, I can access the FBI's operation's database.
Officer Ziva David: [Ziva goes to her desk] I have a contact in the DOD.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Tony's at his desk] BOLO on the FBI transport?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't know. I thought, maybe I'd just try calling her first.
[Gibbs pulls out his cellphone]

Abby Sciuto: Oh, I got Palmer's text about the vampire bite. I can't believe I'm not going to be there for that. Who are you getting to fill in?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Working on it.
Abby Sciuto: Well, if you need anything before then, I keep a step-by-step Abby's Lab for Dummies in my desk. It covers the basics. A monkey could follow the instructions.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Watching DiNozzo using his backscratcher] Good. Cause we got one of those.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That invitation extend to me too, Duck?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Since when have you waited for an invitation? Don't answer that. I know you like to keep people on their toes.

Officer Ziva David: [Slight chuckle] This is nice. Be able to work without Tony's incessant babbling. It's almost as if he cannot go on for more than 30 seconds without hearing the sound of his own voice. You know the truly amazing thing is that he fails to realize just how irritating he is to those around him.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva.
Officer Ziva David: Yes, Gibbs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Babbling.
Officer Ziva David: Oh.

Mr. Jones: Agent Gibbs, I appreciate your concern for my missing colleague, but that's *exactly* why Miss Scuito has to stay here right now. You have to trust me on that.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't trust you. I don't know you!
Mr. Jones: I sympathsize with your position...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's your choice, you either tell me what's going on or...
Mr. Jones: Or what? You'll threaten me?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, you know what? That depends. You consider a public investigation a threat?... We are on the same team.

Abby Sciuto: [Entering] Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Rising] Abby. Abs, are you okay?
Abby Sciuto: Do I look okay? What is Abby's rule #1? Do not lie to Abby!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Didn't build it to kill someone.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: ...He built it to sell it.
Abby Sciuto: Perfect. Hi I'm Abby Sciuto. International Bioweapons dealer.

Abby Sciuto: Aren't you going to give me a pep talk?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No.
Abby Sciuto: Why?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Because you're pissed. And you should be.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Tribes (#5.11)" (2008)

FBI Special Agent Brent Langer: You ever consider using power tools?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're still a pain in the ass.
FBI Special Agent Brent Langer: I learned from the best. See ya around, Boss!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [re: Langer] Taught him everything he's forgotten.

Special Agent Leory Jethro Gibbs: [to Abby] You're my favorite.

Ryan Sikes: There is only one God and he is great.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well that's nice to know.

Ryan Sikes: Ryan is my slave name. My real name is Akbur Mohammed.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Your slave name?

FBI Special Agent Brent Langer: We may be observing the Mosque.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's a little vague.
FBI Special Agent Brent Langer: I can't tell you any more than that, Jethro. You *know* that.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, well I hope we don't get in each other's way.
FBI Special Agent Brent Langer: [awkward pause] Well, not if you guys find anything then...
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You'll be the *last* to know.

Officer Ziva David: These belonged to Abdul. They were returned to his father.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Are you sure?
Officer Ziva David: Gibbs I...
[realizes what Gibbs is saying]
Officer Ziva David: No. They're nothing like them.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I didn't think so.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You gonna do that autopsy?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: No. Well yes. Well in a manner of speaking but several people are going to have to look the other way.
[turns to Shepard]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Starting with you Director!

Special Agent Leory Jethro Gibbs: [as Abby works on her Mass Spectrometer] Broken?
Abby Sciuto: Does a baby change its own diapers? Nay. Does it burp and feed itself? I don't think so. It takes a lot of TLC to keep my children happy and fully functioning in the Lab of Abby or Labby as I like to call it.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Heart Break (#2.8)" (2004)

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [as Dr. Byers arrives] We were finished here, weren't we, Jethro.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [long pause. Gibbs notices Ducky's interest in Byers] Oh, we were, Ducky.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Is that Dornan's surgeon with Ducky?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ducky's older, Kate. Not dead.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why are you being so tough on Agent Cassidy?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I didn't do anything to her, yet.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You made her spend the day alone... with DiNozzo.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: She survived... They're on their way back.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You a law student?
Spenser: Second year Georgetown.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm going to give you a lesson tonight in *practical* law. I'm going to ask for Hayes's room key. *Politely.* And you're going to hand it over.
Spenser: Key? Hotels haven't used keys in years
[Gibbs groans]
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: If he has to wake a judge, *nobody* is going to be happy.
Spenser: [hands them the key. Gibbs and Todd leave] Okay, but announce yourself first. That's in compliance with the recent Supreme Court decision.

Special Agent Paula Cassidy: Agent Gibbs, I need to explain...
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: There's nothing to explain, Agent Cassidy! You didn't file a report. And now two Naval Officers are *dead*. Would it have mattered? We'll *never* know!

[Gibbs introduces Dr. Janice Byers to Ducky, who removes his hat, smiles, and is tongue-tied]
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Dr. Mallard is a man of few words.

[last lines]
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You can't let any woman affect you like this, Duck. Especially one you didn't know that well.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Well, my concerns are more immediate. I have two tickets for the opera tonight. She was going to accompany me. Jethro?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I wonder if Kate would be interested. Do you know where she is?
Anthony DiNozzo: No.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What's going to happen?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nothing. You did everything by the book.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I killed an innocent man, Gibbs!
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It was suicide-by-cop, Kate. Get over it!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: See No Evil (#2.1)" (2004)

[Gibbs is leaving for the Pentagon to visit hostage]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Wait! Gibbs, if they're watching him and you show up...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I better make sure they don't notice me.
[Gibbs leaves]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: That is *not* a good call.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Relax. You think Gibbs keeps that haircut to save on shampoo?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Next thing I want you to do is hack into Watson's computer. It's the only link we have to the kidnapper.
Abby Sciuto: Gibbs, we are talking about the Pentagon here. Even their encryptions have encryptions.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Damn, McGee! Why are you still here?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [stammering] Uh, the, the, the contractors, they won't wire the network until the air conditioning's fixed. It, it's a union thing. So...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So-o-o-o... you decided it's more important for an NCIS Special Agent to crawl around, all day, by yourself?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [standing behind Gibbs] Man asked you a question.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [stammering] Why, uh, no, I just, I wanted it fixed before I returned to Norfolk.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah. You have any idea where thinking like this is gonna lead you?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, do you, McGee?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Promotion. You need any help, you ask Tony here. Looks like he could use a workout.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Uh, it... it... it's not that difficult. So I, uh, I guess I could do it myself.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Good answer.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Don't let him intimidate you, McGee. That's my job today.

[Tony has just made a covert dropoff disguised as a Chinese restaurant delivery guy]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [on phone] Delivery complete.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [on phone] That's good work, Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Thanks, Boss, that means a lot.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: NCIS doesn't work out, I hear General Wi's Chinese Restaurant's hiring.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You inside his computer yet?
Abby Sciuto: Oh, um, I... I think, um...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Need help?
Abby Sciuto: Yeah.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: All you had to do was ask. One of the smartest people I know told me that once.
Abby Sciuto: Who?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I want her listening to the live feed.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs! She's been traumatized enough!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah? What about growing up without a mother, Kate?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We're not the FBI dirtbag.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: McGee, where are you going?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Uh, Norfolk.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, I got some good new, and some bad news for you. - You've just been promoted
[holds up envelope with McGee's promotion]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: to a full time field agent.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Really? That's incredible! What's...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You belong to *me* now!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Semper Fidelis (#6.24)" (2009)

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Medical examiner's here.
Secretary of the Navy Phillip Davenport: Great. NCIS takes the lead. Supported by FBI, ICE. CIA can go home. My house, my rules.

ICE Agent Julia Foster-Yates: Four high profile targets in the same room. We were tasked with protection.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: For a poker game?
ICE Agent Julia Foster-Yates: We take even the simplest assignments seriously.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not seriously enough.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: "Intelligence summit?"
Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Seems like a classic contradiction in terms. Don't give me the look. I didn't know.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You had suspicions?
Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Because you had suspicions. I'm riding shotgun here, Gibbs.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Mind if i borrow it?
Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Go easy, Hoss. She was just doing what she was told.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You do not get to determine what is worth sharing and what is not.
ICE Agent Julia Foster-Yates: I do not answer to you, Agent Gibbs!
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yes, you do. Yes... you... do! What else have you left out?

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Entering Leon's office] We need to know what they were discussing.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Please come right in.
Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: It's crucial to the investigation.
Secretary of the Navy Phillip Davenport: Suppose it goes to motive.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: ...Yes it does, Mr. Secretary.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: NCIS wasn't represented.
Secretary of the Navy Phillip Davenport: I was there.

Secretary of the Navy Phillip Davenport: [after Gibbs hands Davenport Leon's file] Well let's see what the CIA's got on Leon Vance... I thought we shredded all these. How does this thing keep finding its way into the open? It's not even real. Lucky you didn't read this. Wouldn't give you the whole picture anyway.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And you will?

Secretary of the Navy Phillip Davenport: You and Leon gotta play nice.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You ordering me to trust him?
Secretary of the Navy Phillip Davenport: Just to follow him... We don't beat our brothers.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Chained (#2.10)" (2004)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You got him?
Abby Sciuto: Are you honestly asking me that?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No Abs. I called to flirt.

Motorcycle Rider: My bike was stolen, you gotta help me.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Who stole it?
Motorcycle Rider: Two guys. Their truck went off the road, I was helping them find their dog.
Agent Caitlin Todd: They had a dog?
Motorcycle Rider: A Shih Tzu named Kate.
Agent Caitlin Todd: [annoyed] They had a dog named Kate?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What's a Shih Tzu?
Agent Caitlin Todd: It's a little, annoying dog. Did they describe it?
Motorcycle Rider: Yeah, they said it had long, brown, hair, kinda mangey.
Agent Caitlin Todd: I'm going to shoot him.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [on phone to Abby] Put McGee on.
Abby Sciuto: [to McGee] He wants you.
Timothy McGee: How'd he know I was here?
Abby Sciuto: [putting headset on McGee] Because he's Gibbs.

[Gibbs keeps getting cell phone calls about a VW for sale.]
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Do I seem like the kind of guy who would drive a *squishy little car*?

Agent Caitlin Todd: Cash, clothes, and a car. Everything Tony loves.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Let's just hope he's not heading for Vegas.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never lost an agent under cover, Kate. I am not about to let DiNozzo screw that up.

[last lines]
Tony DiNozzo: Really liked him.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah! Yeah, I can see that.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You know what? Can we stop it with the secrecy and everything?
[Gibbs looks skeptical]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Here, I'll go first. I...
[deep breath]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'm worried about Tony. There. I said it, and i feel *happy* now.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [incredulous and mocking] You feel *happy?* From *that?*
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Yeah.
[Stares at Gibbs, expecting a confession]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: This conversation is over.
[steps out of the car]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Yeah, I thought so.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Good Cop, Bad Cop (#7.4)" (2009)

NCIS Director Leon Vance: You know her better than I do. Closer to her than anyone.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Your relationship with her father doesn't tie your hands?
NCIS Director Leon Vance: No. It absolutely does. So good cop, bad cop.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Plenty of ways to break someone, Leon.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: I figure she's been broken enough.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Okay, good cop, bad cop. Which one are you?

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Isn't this punishing her?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh, maybe it's tough loving.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: You do know there are other kinds.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I think you already missed your chance to rescue Ziva.
Mossad Officer Malachi Ben-Gidon: Then I hope I've arrived in time to rescue her from *you*.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: This is the way your boss operates? Sends you to try to burn her?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're father Ziva, he's not a good guy. He's dirty.
Officer Ziva David: [to Ben-Gidon] You could not say "no" to him. Not a second time.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Bi-Gidon] Go. Get out of here! You tell Eli David to stay away! She's off limits!

Officer Ziva David: I had nothing but death in my heart.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You never had a choice. He didn't give you a choice. He raised you to be a ruthless, souless killer.
Officer Ziva David: I did not mean to live through it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You didn't. That part of you died out there.
Officer Ziva David: I am... sorry, Gibbs.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Handing Ziva her approved paperwork] Get to work... probie.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: Guess it's time for you to get in there and do the bad cop.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You were being the good cop?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Hide and Seek (#6.19)" (2009)

Abby Sciuto: And it was recently fired.
Ziva David, Mossad Liaison, NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: It does not warrant a call out.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] You heard the lady, Gear up!
[the team starts to leave]
Abby Sciuto: They only listen to their master, Gibbs. Only you can crack the whip.
[Hands Gibbs a cup of coffee]
Abby Sciuto: Only you can drink this swill.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Their mom's are going to help us find the body?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: They're not coming to help us find the body. They're coming to be with them when they do.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh, right.

Ziva David, Mossad Liaison: Somehow the gun got out of evidence, and into the hands of 12 year old.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Who held the evidence?
Abby Sciuto: ...We did. It was an NCIS case.

Abby Sciuto: [Imitating Gibbs] Ziva, pull case files from Norfolk PD. Find out who bought that gun.
[Ziva snickers]
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You heard her.
[Ziva looks at Gibbs, then at Abby and goes to her desk]
Abby Sciuto: I could get used to this.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as he passes her] Don't.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Something on fire?
Abby Sciuto: No. I'm just burning sage to take the hex off the gun. It's got some bad mojo. And I want to get rid of it before the babies are born.
[Abby sighs]
Abby Sciuto: It's an evil gun, Gibbs. This gun... kills people.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Abs...
Abby Sciuto: I know what you're going to say, guns don't kill people, people kill people. But this gun kills people!

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva, tough time at the Pawn Shop?
Ziva David, Mossad Liaison: [Ziva sighs] I ran into a stone wall.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Brick wall.
Ziva David, Mossad Liaison: No! It was stone wall! I backed up too quickly.

Ziva David, Mossad Liaison: Why is it always the case that when two people struggle over a gun, one person never shoots the other? The gun miraculously just goes off.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Abby said it was an evil gun.

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Why would I buy a set of clubs that Ducky could not use?
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Why? Oh gee, let me think. I don't know. Maybe because if you don't buy them, I will tell Ducky that you destroyed his one-of-a-kind, hand-crafted, hickory-shafted, vintage golf clubs.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Notices Ducky standing nearby] I think you just did.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [Ducky walks closer] Let's just call it even, Timothy. That Jazz albumn that I borrowed from you.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: My original vinyl pressing of Django Reinhardt's Crazy Rhythms?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yeah. You were right. It was unique. It was original.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: It was autographed. What happened to it?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Good question.
[Ducky leaves]

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: One Shot, One Kill (#1.13)" (2004)

[Gibbs has three ex-wives]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, DiNozzo, kinda reminds me of your apartment. 'Cept for that minty fresh urine smell.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: For your information, I have a maid now.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You can afford a maid?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's amazing what you can do when you don't have to pay three alimonies.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tell Fornell I say hi.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Can we hurry it up. Don't think Gunnery Sergeant Alvarez would appreciate being seen like this.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: You *knew* the man?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope.
[Gibbs walks away. Ducky talks to the corpse]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: If it's any consolation, Gunny, Gibbs is the absolute *best* we have.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why are all these dolls... naked?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Don't ask me, Boss. Must be a Goth thing.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh boy! We've got a *major* problem!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What do you see?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: A shooter who is highly intelligent, and methodical. Out of a thousand bricks on this wall, he only removed the one he needed.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Next time drive a little faster, Tony. I think my glands have an ounce of adrenaline left.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Response to a crime scene investigation demands a timely arrival, Kate.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: It would help if the investigators didn't PUKE all over the crime scene.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Brings back memories.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Memories of what?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Marriage.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: We can get the trajectory, no problem.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The competition's gonna be for the bullet.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I don't think the unfortunate Staff Sergeant Allen isn't going to be much use there. The bullet passed clean through.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Then I suggest we help our "good friends", the FBI, find it. Tony, make a hole.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Ducky] Scalpel.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kate, find the bullet.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, you think I could pass for a marine?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't know, let's shave your head and find out.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Child's Play (#7.9)" (2009)

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You test the intelligence of these kids?
Krista Dalton: No, they test ours.

Krista Dalton: Parker's specialty is the redeployment of rapid response groups.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I thought we had people at the Pentagon who do that.
Krista Dalton: We do. But we've found that gifted children have a less linear, less bureaucratic way of approaching things. Simpler. Cleaner. Purer.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [while the elevator is stopped] I told you, you're safe here.
Angela Kelp: I know. That's not it. I'm not in danger.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Who is?
Angela Kelp: [Long pause] Nobody.
[Angela restarts the elevator]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Glad we talked.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: [DiNozzo's looking at some artwork] Tony, Abby already unhid it. It's frequency jamming signals.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, maybe if I - maybe if I try to unfocus bet-
[Gibbs enters and slaps the back of DiNozzo's head]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Focus DiNozzo.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: That's it, boss. Out of focus. It's dolphins in moonligh. Thanks boss!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Anytime.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [to Angela's mother] You really thought she was getting paid all that just to play video games?

Ziva David: No, it was my fault.
Dr. Donald Mallard: I distracted you from doing your job.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: It's both of your faults. Focus on fixing it.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: It's still classified.
Krista Dalton: Technically, but it...
Ziva David: Which makes it technially: treason.

Gregg Norvell: She'll miss.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [to Angela] What's the probability of that?
Angela Kelp: Based on the temperature and humidity. No wind. Half-moon. Good light. 97.6%.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Last chance Norvell.
Gregg Norvell: Move or I'll do it.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Take it!
[Ziva takes the shot]

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Reunion (#7.2)" (2009)

Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: That is not for rescuing me. That is for leaving me in Israel. You're probably wondering, perhaps I rigged it to explode.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. I was thinking this is a really nice chisel.

Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: I had forgotten who I could trust. We were a team. And I would like that again.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You need to talk to the Director.
Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: It is your blessing I came for.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [Referring to bachelor parties] I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl.
Jimmy Palmer: Go on.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] No. It's better he doesn't. Duck.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Oh Jethro, can't I tell him about the time when - better I don't.

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Alan Sandich's fiancee is back in town.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [DiNozzo enters] And she's already re-engaged. Does that remind you of anyone Boss?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How long are you going to keep making those jokes.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I think that was actually the last time I'm ever going to make that joke. Sorry.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after DiNozzo narrowly avoids getting hit by a truck] You okay?
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah. Got something wet in my hands, but I don't wanna think about it.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You had orders to kill your brother to earn my trust?
Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: Yes.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's a problem.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You lied to me.
Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: No. When I told you Ari was innocent. I believed it. But yes. I would have lied to you. He was - my brother. And you were nothing. But I was wrong about Ari and you. When I pulled the trigger to save your life, I was not following orders. I mean how could you even think - he was my brother. And now he is gone. Eli is all but dead to me. And the closest thing I have... to a father is accusing me.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ok.

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [taking photos of the crimescene]
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hey, you missed a shot there, sidekick.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: I'm not your sidekick, Tony.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [laughs snidely] And yet, you are.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: No, I am not, because you're not the boss.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: When Gibbs isn't here, I'm the boss.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [walks in] Gibbs is here.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hey, boss.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Yankee White (#1.1)" (2003)

Agent Caitlin Todd: I can't give him Air Force One floor plans! They're top secret!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Come on. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: NCIS does not leak. These plans get out... you can shoot DiNozzo.
Agent Caitlin Todd: No, I think I'm destined to shoot you.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Rule Number One: Never let suspects stay together...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Rule Number Two: Always were gloves at a crime scene...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Rule Number Three: Don't believe what you're told. Double check.

Agent Caitlin Todd: Look, don't dismiss me like that! Okay? I earned my jockstrap!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah? Does it ever give that empty feeling?
Agent Caitlin Todd: What?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Your jockstrap.
Agent Caitlin Todd: No. Like some species of frogs, I grow what I need.

NCIS Director Tom Morrow: Did you really have to slam the door on the F.B.I.?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: There were more of them than us.
NCIS Director Tom Morrow: There's always more of them than us. What about this Secret Service agent? She willing to stand up to the F.B.I.?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't know. She's got balls.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I do believe this is a dead Naval Officer.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Onboard Air Force One.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Did you enjoy playing my boss?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I did, rather.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey! Cockpit's on the top deck.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I knew that.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Heartland (#6.4)" (2008)

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Approaches to see a man talking with Ziva] Word travels fast.
Jackson Gibbs: That it does. When people actually open their mouths and speak with one another. You don't call. You don't write. Were you gonna come by and say Hi?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hi... Jack
Jackson Gibbs: Hi... Leroy.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Uncomfortable silence, then he nods at the man] Ziva, McGee. Jackson Gibbs. My father.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Without encroaching into your territory, Jethro, might I suggest...
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That the dead guy was a dead end. LaComb was the target.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yeah. Any idea why?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I just started looking, Duck.

Ziva David: I thought he was molded from clay, had life breathed into him by a group of mystics.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: That's funny. I thought he fell to Earth in a capsule after his home planet exploded.
Ziva David: [chuckles] No he burst forth fully grown from the mind of Zeus.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Nice.
Tony DiNozzo: He is the avatar of Vishnu. He was sent to be the left hand of Yahweh. He was grown in a cabbage patch. I'm trying to pose a serious metaphysical question here. You want to be clever? I can be clever.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] Just a matter of time, DiNozzo.

Tony DiNozzo: [to Jackson Gibbs] Jack, I just, I gotta know- I got a lot of questions...
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You can have two, DiNozzo.
Tony DiNozzo: Where do I start?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You got one left.

Jackson Gibbs: I know you hate it when I use a hundred words when a couple will do. But give us a call some time.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's the least I could do.
Jackson Gibbs: Goodbye, son.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [They tear up and hug] Bye, dad.

Jackson Gibbs: Everybody's always lying to you all the time. Can't you *ever* take things as you see 'em?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I see people *lying* to me!
Jackson Gibbs: You were such a happy child.

Jackson Gibbs: When she died, I know how mad that made you. I know how much you hated me for getting on with my life. Saw the look in your face, how you wanted vengeance... Well that look went away when you met Shannon. But it came back quick after they died. I knew what that meant. You were going to find someone to take it out on. Didn't matter what I said.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It never did! What do you see now?

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No one was ever allowed to touch that Winchester.
Jackson Gibbs: Yeah. Let that be a lesson in parenting, tell a kid he can't have a rifle, he grows up to be a sniper.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Recoil (#5.16)" (2008)

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Boss.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You done?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Don't need the bugs, Boss. Got Hoffman's latest victim, number five. Female caucasian, mid-to-late 20's. Dead on the living room floor.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What about the finger?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yep, missing a finger.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [handing cell phone to McGee] Call Ziva! Giver her the distress code! Tell her we're taking Hoffman down NOW!

Det. Steve Rosetti: How'd you get on to Hoffman?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Officer David was working undercover at a bar where two of the victims were last seen.
Det. Steve Rosetti: We were planning on doing the same thing if you guys hadn't taken over the case.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You know Rosetti, I don't think Hoffman's your type.

Det. Steve Rosetti: I've already given you everything I think is relevant.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well then give me everything you think *isn't*!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Always suspect the spouse.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Speaking from *personal* experience, Jethro?
Abby Sciuto: That's why I'm *never* getting married.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Ziva's looking at Hoffman's body in autopsy] You've gotta stop staring at this one, Ziva.
[Ziva puts the body away]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Put it behind you.

Officer Ziva David: He did not hurt me.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [hands Ziva some coveralls] Need your clothes. Get changed. Get an X-ray.
[moves closer to Ziva]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I do not need to see you again today.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Is *that* what this about? You *doubting* your judgment?
Officer Ziva David: I should have moved earlier.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You would've if you could've.
Officer Ziva David: I left it too late.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You still took him out.
Officer Ziva David: [pause] I almost died.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: But you didn't.
[moves closer]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You've gotta trust your judgement, Ziva. Moment you don't, it won't be almost.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Re-examine the crime scene. Canvas Hoffman's neighborhood. Take another look at the surveillance video. Tomorrow! Go home. Been a long day. Get some rest.
[to Ziva]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You. I do not need to see you here tomorrow!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Chimera (#5.6)" (2007)

Special Agent Timothy McGee: [last lines; as the team speeds away from the Chimera in the pirates' motor launch, a cruise missile streaks overhead and destroys the ship] Guess the Navy didn't want anyone to know the ship existed.
Officer Ziva David: How did they know we got off the ship?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't think they did.

Abby Sciuto: You guys okay?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm dealing with my boat phobia. Tony's dealing with his rat phobia. And Ziva's dealing with her ghost phobia.
Abby Sciuto: So what's Gibbs dealing with?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] Them!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to the Director] We're still running tests. Don't know right now.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [Ducky Enters] Yes we do. My initial diagnosis of asphixia was incorrect, I'm afraid. It looks as if Takada died from viral hemorrhagic fever to which, by now, we have all been exposed.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Can't leave the ship?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: That's not a problem, Jethro. If my diagnosis is correct, we'll all be dead by morning.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Definitely didn't picture my demise like this. I always figured I'd go out like Cagney in "White Heat", fiery explosion. Or Redford and Newman in "Butch Cassidy", hail of bullets.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How about Charlie Chaplin in "Gold Rush"?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: How'd he die?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Silently.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: [about cracking a high tech lock] It could take some time.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We're not going anywhere.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Ok.
[Gibbs, Ziva, and Tony walk away]
Special Agent Timothy McGee: I thought you said you we're going anywhere.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo, get this to Ducky.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Me? That's a dead, diseased rat.
[Gibbs gives him a look]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Which is why it may aid Dr. Mallard in his investigation. Which is why I'd be pleased as punch to walk back through this ship with a dead, diseased rat.
Officer Ziva David: You can show Ducky your freckle.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You ever see "Run Silent, Run Deep"?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The "run silent" part sounds good.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: So, pirates that weren't really pirates, who were actually Russian sailors, were on a covert mission to steal a Navy research ship that wasn't actually a Navy research ship in order to get back nuclear weapons that we thought they didn't think we had retrieved?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Uh-huh.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Okay.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Judgment Day: Part 2 (#5.19)" (2008)

Mike Franks: So Jenny couldn't do it back then, girl was artist with the steel.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not then.
Mike Franks: What changed?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Me.

Mike Franks: [referring to Natasha] They're going to have your ass when they find her body.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: They're not going to find her body.

NCIS Asst. Director Leon Vance: She put up a hell of a fight.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not good enough

Mike Franks: She called me two days ago. Said she need some help from someone outside the agency.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Another one of her ops.
Mike Franks: One of yours. Europe.

Mike Franks: What'd I tell you about leaving them loose end?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not to. We didn't.
Mike Franks: Well you screwed the pooch somewhere. Decker's cover was blown, made it look like a heart attack.

Mike Franks: If you're looking for an apology.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I know better.
Mike Franks: I'm sorry Gunny.

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: When are you back?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: On my way.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: What about Tony and -
[McGee's search completes]
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: McGee!
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss, we got a problem here.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [scoffs] Just *one*?

NCIS Asst. Director Leon Vance: Think of a reason why I shouldn't personally throw the book at you for hindering a Federal Inquiry.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Because you want this to go away.
NCIS Asst. Director Leon Vance: Where the hell are you?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not far.
NCIS Asst. Director Leon Vance: Franks with you?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Should he be?
NCIS Asst. Director Leon Vance: If he's not then he's on his way to Mexico with Decker's insurance policy... Don't smile!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Murder 2.0 (#6.6)" (2008)

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Cole worked at a local carwash. Abby got a hit off his DNA. Two years ago he donated sperm.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Tony and Ziva enter] Ah the things people will do for money.
Officer Ziva David: You donated your sperm.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Didn't do that for money. Just to enrich the world. So, Boss I spoke with security at Quantico.
[McGee clears his throat]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt? Let's see who the Boss likes better.
[Tony and McGee wait expectantly]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Ziva.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [as he's leaving] DiNozzo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: On your six, Boss. Hey, you haven't forgotten about the screensaver, have you Ziva?
Officer Ziva David: Actually I had. Thanks for reminding me.
[Ziva approaches McGee]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What are friends for.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Everything okay Boss? You seem kind of quiet - ter than usual. Worried this is just his first?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Nah. Worried it's not.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: Do I I need to tell you Sec Nav is already breathing down my neck?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: If it'll make you feel better.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Sec Nav is already breathing down my neck. Now you know. I'll handle him. You handle this. Just watch your back Gibbs.

Abby Sciuto: Oh my God. That poster is right outside my lab. He was here. He walked right by my lab!
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Abby, this isn't a flash code. It's h dot six two four.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Hey McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss, this isn't a video. It's streaming live. He's outside Abby's lab!

Abby Sciuto: I have two questions: This video it's different than the others. Why?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Okay. What's the other question?
Abby Sciuto: Can I stay with you tonight?

NCIS Director Leon Vance: You think that was recon. Killer was scouting the base. NCIS I get. But why evacuate the Yard?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You can't kill anybody, Leon, if there's no one here to kill.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Well I'll give you points for the unexpected. We were going to run a security lockdown next week.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Move it up.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Not sure I hope you're right or wrong.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: If we turn them both on.
Abby Sciuto: We can triangulate back on the killer.
[Turns and faces Gibbs]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: ...Or you could just stand there looking at me.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Code of Conduct (#7.5)" (2009)

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Good memories: ring-n-runs, dine-n-ditch.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Lock-and-load. Got a dead marine.
[Tosses keys to Ziva]
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: *Agent* David, you're driving.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Gibbs gives everyone a cup] You brought us coffee?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: It's apple cider.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yep. Happy Halloween... Breaks over. Run it.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No costume this year, Abs?
Abby Sciuto: Oh. After last years Jonas brothers debacle, Vance banned costumes, McGee - skinny jeans - didn't work.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Once is a tragedy. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern. We're talking about a black ops widow.
NCIS Special Agent Ziva David: Tony, the first two husbands died in the line of duty. Giving you no reason to suspect she had anything to do with the third one's death.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, I've got...
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] Evidence.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Not to speak of, boss.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Then stop speaking.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What would make a Marine unit fall apart?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Lack of discipline.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yep. Or too much.

NCIS Special Agent Ziva David: [DiNozzo's in the Men's room] Tony. McGee has been here for 6 years. I have been here for 4. I know you're enjoying this, but *we are* agents! So could you *please* stop calling us...
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs exits the Men's room] Problem, probie? You've been an agent all of one week. Your Mossad Liason days are over.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well now you get to convince a jury of your peers. That would be a jury of tall leggy blonde bombshells. Stand up. You're under arrest for the murder of Lance Corporal James Korby.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, you're not.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Get to work
[hands Ziva her appproved request to become an agent]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Probie.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Sub Rosa (#1.7)" (2003)

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [after being thrown against Gibbs during an emergency submarine breach] Wow...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah... that's what they all say.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I wonder what McGee said to make Tony speechless?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He told him he got a tat on his ass.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: COB, I don't have to tell you what the most important thing is now, do I?
Chief of the Boat: Getting the ice cream back in the freezer.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Exactly!

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You've had profile training?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What I've had is about a thousand interviews. After a while you start picking things up.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Everybody has something to lie about. Which means we have nothing.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What are you doing here, Special Agent McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: I brought my final report, sir.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You do not have to "Sir" me, McGee.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [the air conditioner's broken and Gibbs is drinking coffee] Gibbs, it's like a hundred degrees in here. How can you drink that stuff?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It keeps me cool.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [after COB leaves the room, slamming the door behind him] Do people react that way because we're NCIS, or do you just have that effect on them?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I like to think it's me.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Boneyard (#2.5)" (2004)

FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Anyone ever tell you you were an insufferable bastard?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [looking pleased] Yeah.

[last lines]
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [dumbfounded at what they are witnessing, DiNozzo, Todd, and McGee watch a "dead" agent get into the elevator. They look at Gibbs] What?

Jimmy Napolitano: And Gibbs, you hurt my boy, I'll kill your brothers, your uncles, your father. And after their funerals I'll kill you.
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No brothers, no uncles, my father passed years ago. I do have three ex-wives, whose names and addresses I will *gladly* fax on to you.
[Jimmy hangs up the phone]
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Booh, he hung up.

[Gibbs and DiNozzo are boxing in the training ring]
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not bad, DiNozzo.
DiNozzo: Thanks! You learn how to box in the Marines?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. Corps doesn't teach boxing.
DiNozzo: [laughing] That's your loss.
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after flooring Tony] They teach *fighting*.

Gunnery Sergeant. John Deluca: Are you deaf or nuts?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Eh, a little of both.

Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Agent Charles, can you get me the Bureau file on Fornell?
Agent Charles: I haven't even seen it.
[Gibbs turns and looks at him]
Agent Charles: If I get caught, I'm finished as a federal agent.
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't get caught.

Agent Charles: You can't threaten to kill someone in custody, Gibbs.
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It wasn't a threat.

[Ducky is talking to his current cadaver; he is annoyed with Jimmy, who has just left]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: He means well. But often I have an overwhelming urge to slap him. Is that wrong?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering the morgue] Do it all the time.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [chuckling] So I've noticed. But, only on the back of the head.
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Slap at the face would be humiliating. Back of the head's a wake-up call.
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [looking down at corpse] Looks like he got both.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Ex-File (#5.3)" (2007)

D.I. Agent Fred Rinnert: You have to go up to go down, right?
[pushes the elevator button]
Abby Sciuto: Can I hit him now, Gibbs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: My acting Boss says you ain't going anywhere.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What'd you sell and who'd you sell it to?
D.I. Agent Fred Rinnert: [turns around faces Gibbs] Maybe if you cut me a deal, I'll tell you.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Abby.
[Gibbs moves out of the way, Abby moves forward and punches Rinnert in the nose]

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs is trying to get the name of Marsden's date] Name.
Army Major Eric Sweigart: Stephanie Flynn.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: The woman who was with Jill Reynolds?
Army Major Eric Sweigart: That's right.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Stephanie Bronwyn Flynn?
Army Major Eric Sweigart: Yeah.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: [quietly to Gibbs] You know her?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah. I was married to her.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Do you have a *problem* with Colonel Mann interviewing your ex-wife?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Do I have a choice?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard, Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: No!
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Problem solved!

D.I. Agent Fred Rinnert: [after the data has been deleted] Abby, I'm hurt that you think that I'd do this.
Abby Sciuto: Can I hit him, Gibbs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No.

Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: We - we have a - a little issue?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: We?
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: Do you want to tell her, Agent Gibbs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not particularly.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Is this issue going to involve *lawyers*?
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: It already did. It's his ex-wife, she's a material witness.

Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: [about Stephanie] Bring her in for another interview.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Tony and Ziva start to leave] Wait.
[Tony and Ziva stop]
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: I said bring her in!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And I said wait!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: This never turns out well for the kids.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: UnSEALed (#1.18)" (2004)

Kevin Curtin: Don't want to talk about it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I understand that. Hardest thing for guys like us is talking.

[discussing a prisoner who escaped from Leavenworth]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Do we know what this guy was in for?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Same thing I'm gonna be if you don't get your ass moving.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [low voice, to Gibbs] Right.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [whispering, to Kate] Murder.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: And you didn't even use a lifeline.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kate get you the stuff from Curtin's cell?
Abby Sciuto: It's on its way. Kate rules.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I thought Abby ruled.
Abby Sciuto: Good women don't mind sharing a throne, Gibbs.

[Gibbs has been questioning Foley]
Commander Foley: Anything else?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not for the moment.
Commander Foley: That's very Jack Webb.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [pause] Thanks!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Uncuff him so he can say hello to an old friend.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: I prefer him in cuffs!
Diego Clare: Wish I'd have known when we were at JAG.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [while Agent Todd is talking to Tony about sleeping with a gun under her pillow] You sleep with a gun?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well... ah... yes.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [impressed] Good girl.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: McGee! You never, never interrupt an interrogation. Understand?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [nervously] Uhh... uh yes, sir. I just... i thought-I thought... uhh
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: To have a 'thought,' McGee, you gotta be thinkin'. Were you thinking before you interrupted that interrogation?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Uhh... I-I-I... I think so, sir?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Truth or Consequences (#7.1)" (2009)

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [from trailer] You hear anything about Ziva?

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss, really? Tony picks? Because, you know, coming from anyone else, that might be considered a lapse in judgement.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Okay, you both pick.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: That makes much more sense.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You don't trust me to be professional?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No casting couch.

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [Referring to a prospective replacement] She's unflappable.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She's unflappable.
[Candidate runs out of the conference room crying. Gibbs hands folder to DiNozzo]
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Strike one.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Dunham says the Mossad presence has increased in North Africa.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Prepping for an offensive?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Or course correction. Clean up a failure.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What kind of failure?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The kind with casualties.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Wow, you guys have a whole little thing going on. But I get it. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Bob's your uncle. I'm hip. I dig it.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Good. Got a volunteer?
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I volunteer myself and Special Agent McGee for the secret fact finding mission thingy. That's not so secret in the Sahara. What are you gonna do?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You don't want to know.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Good talk.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [after hearing that Ziva's ship sunk with no survivors] After that business as usual lost all meaning.
[everything becomes blurred and each character is seen from Tony's perspective]
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Blah, blah, blah. Computer stuff. Blah.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [drops file on Tony's desk] Autopsy report
Abby Sciuto: Words! There's so many words! And there's thinks and-and stuff and emotions. Thanks for listening.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Got a dead marine. Grab your gear... Got a missing kid. Grab your gear... Some idiot smuggled a koala on a submarine. Grab your gear... Grab your gear. Grab your gear. Grab your gear.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Some idiot smuggled a koala onto a submarine.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Cloak (#6.8)" (2008)

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to DiNozzo and Ducky] I used both of you because I knew you could handle it.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: What do you need from us now?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Patience.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Ducky takes one look at a body] Something familiar, Doctor? Reminds me of... Gibraltar.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [exhales] Yeah. That... was the case.
Jimmy Palmer: What happened in Gibraltar?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: That's a story for another time, Mr. Palmer.
[closes the lid on the crate]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Let's get back to the van, there's nothing more for us to do here.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I didn't come down here to get my head shrunk.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Why did you come down here?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Just killing time.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Would you like me to perform an autopsy on your watch?

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh last thing, the other side's using live fire. Do not engage. Do not resist if caught. Get in, get the intel, get out. Nobody gets hurt.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [regard Domino] Leave it.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: But...
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's bogus, DiNozzo... The whole installation is bogus.
Mossad Liaison Officer Ziva David: Nothing is real?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Just the threat.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Do you know who it is?... Do *we* know who it is?
Mossad Liaison Officer Ziva David: Someone close to us.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: You looking to sit in this chair, Gibbs?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It would be a little awkward, chair's occupied.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Means unfortunately I don't take my order from you. Might be easier, then I wouldn't have all this.
[indicating his desk]

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You let the toothpick use us as puppets.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No, I didn't.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You didn't?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. It was my plan.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: ...*Your* plan?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Every bit of it.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh... That's *much* worse!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Sandblast (#4.7)" (2006)

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: He was set to deploy tomorrow. At least he got to spend the last day with his son.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's one way to look at it.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Probie, you got the woods. I got the far side.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [McGee hesitates] Uh.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Poison ivy, Boss. I just- I look at the stuff and I break out.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't look!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Eighteen holes on a golf course.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: Yep. You want to divide them up?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sure. We'll take the crime scene. You and your people can take the other seventeen.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Better have fatal disease DiNozzo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Josh's mom called, he's looking for payback. Wants to skip Princeton and join the Marines. I went to talk him out of it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Did you?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I don't know Boss.

Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: You're not hacking C.I.A.?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: No. No. No. No. Homeland Security. They post a redundant C.I.A. archive.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: All right my - my superiors aren't going to like this.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't tell them.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: [Chuckles] Smart and devious. That's a dangerous combination.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You forgot... charming.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [they just look at each other until-] I'm in.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: [walking towards McGee] No I didn't.

Officer Ziva David: However this cell is operating, they found a way to do so without leaving a shred of evidence.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Other than the dead marine.
[Gibbs walks away. DiNozzo whispers to Ziva]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nice.

[McGee has poison ivy]
Special Agent Timothy McGee: When Gibbs told me to go check the woods, I should have just told him...!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering] Told me what, McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [panicking] ... No!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [sarcastic] That probably would have been a good idea.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Identity Crisis (#5.4)" (2007)

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I hope your opinion of me doesn't waver after I give this fellow a piece of my mind.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I warn you this could get ugly!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after Ducky speaks understandingly with the doctor]
[sarcastically]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I hope she recovers from that tongue lashing.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Okay what am I missing?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The fact that Hinton's been murdered.
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Marvin Hinton is *dead*?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I told her to notify you.
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [puts on his glasses and check his email] You gotta be kidding me! She sent an email! It went in my spam folder! This is serious, Gibbs. Alive, Hinton was just an ex-con who made a deal with the devil. Dead means the devil came to collect!

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's like taking spit out of the ocean.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Then how'd he do it?
Special Agent Courtney Krieger: Claims someone contacted him, and offered the service.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The Eraser.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: What movie's that from?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [sarcastically] I don't know Flashdance.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Who *do* you work for Tobias, Homeland Security or F.B.I.?
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: The world's on my shoulders Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [seeing all the paper on his desk] World made of paper.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The biggest mistake you made.
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You tried to shoot our agents!
[Gibbs and Fornell rise from their chairs, Fornell removes his jacket]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, let me hang your coat for you, Tobias
[hangs Fornell's jacket over the camera. Graves starts to stand up]
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: SIT DOWN!
[Fornell pushes him back into the chair]
Robert Graves: [panicked] What do you want?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The rest of your clients! The location of the REAL Kamual!... NOW!

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: He's Kamal? He would have had to start when he was 8 years old!
Tony: Not if he's the new Dread Pirate Roberts.
[referring to The Princess Bride]
Abby Sciuto: I love The Princess Bride! No one would ever surrender to the Dread Pirate Wesley.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [gives Tony a blank stare, not understanding the reference]
Tony: [chuckles] Ah, The Dread Pirate Roberts picks a successor, trains him, starts calling him Roberts, then settles into a cushy retirement. It's the name Kamaul that sells the business.

Tony: We're just trying to find a dog for McGee, boss.
Gibbs: How about an Australian shepherd?
Tony, Agent Timothy McGee, Special Agent Ziva David: [pause, thinking about the choice]
Gibbs: They're working dogs.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Angel of Death (#4.24)" (2007)

FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Visiting our ex wife?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Waiting for you.
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: How'd you know I'd be here?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Friday night, odd weekend.

FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [discussing their ex-wife] Diane look that pissed at you after the divorce?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: She's looking at me Tobias.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You lost your protection detail in Paris. You went missing for 21 hours, where were you?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You sound like a jealous husband.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How would you know?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Don't touch that! It's scotch you drink bourbon
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So do you
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I had another visitor, before you arrived unannounced.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Did he duck out the back?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Now you do sound like a jealous husband.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What were you doing for 21 hours Jenny?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: What we used to do, ever so well.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: When you lie your right eye twitches. It always has.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: In polite society one usually calls before a visit. Bourbon?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I've kicked in too many doors to be polite. Yes.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I appreciate the restraint you showed by using the bell. I've been rather fond of that door since I was a child.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You still dream about OJ-ing Diane?
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Nah Emily kind of likes her. You?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Only when I think about my grandfather's watch.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Corporal Punishment (#5.10)" (2007)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: All you care about is selling the war.
Ray Vincent: You don't support the war?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I support the men fighting it.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [makes a lot of grunting noises] Ok, do it!
[winces in preparation]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering the room] Escaped mental patient.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: That's exactly what I'm thinking.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: All right, listen up people. Our fugitive has been on the run for 90 minutes.
Officer Ziva David: It has been three hours, Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring injuries, is four miles per hour.
Officer Ziva David: He is not on foot. He's in a car.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What I need from each and every one of you is a hard target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farm house, outhouse, hen house, and dog house in the area. Our fugitive has a name and it is...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Corporal Damon Werth.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: The Tommy Lee Jones speech *every* time we have a fugitive, really?

Ray Vincent: This could be a potential PR disaster.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [sarcastically] That's always my primary concern.

Karen Sutherland: You could have just asked nicely.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: This *is* nicely.

Officer Ziva David: I want to see him.
Navy Capt. Dr. Adrian De La Casa: [shakes his head] He's under heavy sedation. He's fine.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: She asked to see the patient.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Probably not a good idea to stand in her way.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: High Seas (#1.6)" (2003)

Agent Caitlin Todd: How long did Burley work here?
Abby Sciuto: Five years.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Five years with Gibbs. Amazing the guy didn't end up in a straitjacket.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What was that?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ah, nothing, boss, just praising your communication skills.

NCIS Special Agent Stan Burley: You know, it's funny how it's all starting to come back to me now.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What's that?
NCIS Special Agent Stan Burley: The tightness in my chest, the upset stomach, all the pleasantries that come with working for you.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Abby, what did the urine tell you?
Abby Sciuto: Oh, all kinds of things, we had a great talk.

NCIS Special Agent Stan Burley: I'd have to say it was like deja vu working with you again, Boss.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Good deja vu, or bad?
NCIS Special Agent Stan Burley: Good...
NCIS Special Agent Stan Burley, Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And bad.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: When can I talk with him?
Flight Surgeon: That's hard for me to say, Agent Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, let me make easier for you, doc, 1500. Consciousness will make the interview go much smoother.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Toss Shrewe's rack.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Got it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Go over everything and I mean everything. Above his mattress, below his mattress, inside his mattress. If there is such a thing as a fourth mattress dimension, go over that too.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Shalom (#4.1)" (2006)

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [speaking on the phone with Ziva] We've been trying to contact Gibbs, but we haven't been able to reach him.
Officer Ziva David: Ah! Why didn't you say so?
[hands the phone to Gibbs]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo! You have 10 seconds to explain why I'm not in Mexico building my teek watertub. 9... 8... 7...

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva, look I'm retired. I'm 3,000 miles away. What do you think can I do that they can't do?
Officer Ziva David: Honestly, I don't know. I was, uh, hoping maybe... save me.
[starts crying]

Officer Ziva David: [Speaking of DiNozzo] He's been insufferable since you left.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [looking at DiNozzo] That true?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Ziva] When I have to be!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Maybe I did leave the right person in charge.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Tony] It's good to see you again, McGee.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: DiNozzo.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What did I say?
Officer Ziva David: [to Gibbs] You called him "McGee."
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Ziva] Hmmmm... That's probably because if I had left him in charge you wouldn't be on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted list right now.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: But you do remember...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That I left you in charge? Yeah, I remember that I left you in charge DiNozzo. What I forgot, is your taste in coffee. It stinks.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Do I still look like your boss?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, maybe if you shaved. Haircut wouldn't hurt either.
[Gibbs laughs]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, the smile thing's definitely throwing me off too!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: SWAK (#2.22)" (2005)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Requisition replacement cell phones and weapons for my team. Go!
Jimmy Palmer: Pistols?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, no, Palmer. Crossbows, if you think they might work better.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I need you to check the video from 1130 when I left to 0530 when McGee arrived
Abby Sciuto: You need to get a life, Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Last thing I need is another wife!
Abby Sciuto: [speaking louder so he can hear through the bio suit] Life, Gibbs. You need to get a life.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: [finding out DiNozzo's test results] Positive? Is he going to be okay?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: If he isn't, he answers to ME!

Special Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He's dying Ducky.
[starts crying, Ducky Hugs her]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as Gibbs walks past them] Ah, the hell he is.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [goes to Tony's bed. Whispers]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tony, can you hear me?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [weakly] I'm listening, Boss.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You will not die.
[Tony starts closing his eyes]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs pats him on the head]
[Tony opens his eyes]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You. Will. Not. Die.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Gotcha, Boss.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never had a cold.
Special Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Never had a *cold*?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never had the flu, either.
Special Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why do I believe him?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: If you were a bug, would you attack Gibbs?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Good thinking Abby.
Abby Sciuto: [pretending she can't hear] What?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Good thinking!
Abby Sciuto: I don't know Gibbs, I can't hear you through the...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I SAID NICE THINKING!
[signs something]
Abby Sciuto: Not nice Gibbs. Not nice.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Dagger (#6.9)" (2008)

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I needed everyone to *think* it was real.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Even me... Lee the hero or villain?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Both.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Thought I would care more if she were your daughter?
NCIS Special Agent Michelle Lee: You wouldn't do what I did to save your daughter's life? This time tell the truth!
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You should have come to me as soon as this happened! Before you *murdered* two men!

NCIS Director Leon Vance: You got eyes on her, right? What about this morning?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Her rope got shorter.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Lucky she's not hanging now.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Boss, this is a crime scene.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, I know. Document everything. Get the hell out there! Whoever's behind this could come back.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Got it.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: It's risky.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh you haven't hear the risky part yet, Leon. Going to need the real Domino.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: That's not gonna happen.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He finds out it's a fake, the girl dies.
[hands folder to Vance]
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Paperwork authorizing the use of the real Domino. Needs your signature.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: [puts down paperwork] We're not risking our government's military playbook! You are authorized to use a decoy. That's it!... Good luck.

[closing scene]
Amanda Lee: Where's Mi-Shi?
[Gibbs takes Amanda to the window]
Amanda Lee: What happened to your hand?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs hands Agent Lee's badge to Amanda] Mi-shi would want you to have that.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Outlaws and In-Laws (#7.6)" (2009)

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I left him with the boat. He trailered it to the west coast. It was a gift for my goddaughter.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: And this is how he repays you.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Shoved him off and disappeared.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: That last part's the part that I *really* don't like. If he's gone underground, that means this isn't over yet. You got any idea where he might be?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Your guess is as good as mine, Leon.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: For some reason, I doubt that's true. But I'm going to give you some leeway on this, Gibbs. As it is your friend, your boat, *your* mess... My patience will evaporate quickly if another body shows up before Franks does.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: There is a fine line between cowboy and outlaw.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: And with the level of overkill here, you conclusion is -?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Mike Franks has crossed that line.

Mike Franks: You gonna stand there glaring at me, probie or you gonna give me a hand with the bags... or you gonna shoot me?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: No, I thought I'd ask you a few questions first, then I may shoot you.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Those two men you killed, why were they after you?
Mike Franks: Damn, Probie. I was hoping you could tell me.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You know, Mike, I'm used to shells and bodies and cover ups as your big finale. Something starts off like this, I don't want to think about the count.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Twilight (#2.23)" (2005)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Protection detail's over, Kate.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You did good.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: For once, Dinozzo's right.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [stands up] Wow, I thought I'd die before I ever got a...
[gunshot is fired hits Kate in the head and she falls to the ground dead. Blood sprays on Dinozzo and Gibbs]
Ari Haswari: [on distant rooftop, coldly] Sorry, Caitlin...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ari...

Ari Haswari: [after telling Gibbs he's on a mission to kill him] What would you do in my place?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kill myself.
Ari Haswari: [laughing] Sorry I think not. It's the one part of my religion that I subscribe to.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We've been calling you for the last *hour*, Boss.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, yeah. My ringer thing got turned off.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You're never gonna believe whose back in town.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ari.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Maybe you will.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Fornell said that he's - he's here to...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kill me. Yeah, I know. I just had coffee with him.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: So what happened?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He tried to kill me.
[looks up at both of them with a "duh" expression]

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You get Fornell in here.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: How much should I tell him?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tell him, he's about to make the second biggest mistake of his life.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [Kate walks in] What?
[Fornell, DiNozzo, Todd walk into MTAC]
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: My second biggest mistake, Jethro. That's very dramatic. What was my first?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: When you married my second wife.
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You should have warned me!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I*did*!
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [to DiNozzo and Todd] In my defense, I thought he was exaggerating... He wasn't.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm taking him down!
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Not this time. The FBI can handle it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The civilians in the coffee shop that he tried to blow up today, would disagree with you, Tobias.
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Look if it was up to me. I'd put a bullet through his forhead! It's not. You're sitting this one out!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You gonna try to stop me?
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: No. Not me, Jethro.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Go home. It's late.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs I don't think we're going to be going home!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm staying here. I do not need an army of agents staying up all night watching me build a boat.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You won't leave the building?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: If I do, I'll call you. Go. Go home. Get some sleep. First thing tomorrow we're gonna check out Danbourne Avionics find out what the FBI missed... GO!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Black Water (#2.11)" (2005)

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Do you suspect foul play?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh, you know me, Duck... I suspect everything.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yes, an admirable trait in an investigator. And also the reason your three marriages ended in divorce.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh yeah? All these years I thought it was because I was a bastard.

Thomas McAllister: [as Gibbs sits down in Interrogation] I'm sure you hear this a lot. I'm innocent, Agent Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I know.
Monroe Cooper: [from observation] What the hell kind of interrogation is that?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [referring to Abby's loud music] Your speakers are broken.
Abby Sciuto: Oh, Gibbs. That was the best part of the song.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Correction. Your ears are broken.

Abby Sciuto: The bullet's entry angle into the side of the door is as obvious as Anna Nicole's implants.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Who?
Abby Sciuto: You know, married that old guy? Had a TV show? Got fat, got thin, got fat, got thin, fat, thin...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Stop.
Abby Sciuto: Right.

Monroe Cooper: Monroe Cooper.
[hands Gibbs a business card]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: "The man who solves the unsolvable".
Monroe Cooper: So you've heard of me?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. It's on your card.

Monroe Cooper: I have a policy, Agent Gibbs. You share information with me, and I share it with you. We have a deal?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ah, kinda goes against my policy, Cooper.
Monroe Cooper: Which is?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Throw people in jail who obstruct my investigations.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Good Samaritan (#1.14)" (2004)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't say it, DiNozzo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I wasn't going to say anything.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't think it.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Too late.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Can I ask you a question, Gibbs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Is this one of those questions where it's not going to matter if I say no?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What'd you find in his nose?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Cellulosic fiber, lignin.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wood.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Ah, sawdust, to be precise.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hey boss, don't you have some kind of weird thing about women and sawdust? I mean... I... don't... think it's weird.

Abby Sciuto: Ooh! Gibbs! Didn't your Momma teach you not to sneak up on people?
Gibbs: Obviously not.

Gibbs: Got your 911, Abs. What's up?
Abby Sciuto: Ready to have your world rocked again?
Gibbs: I'm barely over the first time.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Did you run it through...
Abby Sciuto: Run it through AFIS?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Feisty and psychic.
Abby Sciuto: It's a killer combination.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Broken Bird (#6.13)" (2009)

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, well the next phrase she yells means "You killed my brother."... Any idea why she would have said that?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Perhaps because I killed her brother.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Mr. Kort, Agency's keeping you local?
Trent Kort: Travel is touchy at the moment. I've made a few enemies overseas.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: What? With your winning personality?
Trent Kort: When you finally open that charm school, let me know.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I need a favor.
Trent Kort: Gibbs, I don't like you.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: That's okay, I don't like you either. Not trading on kindness.
Trent Kort: But we *are* trading.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Are you going to make me ask again?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I suppose it's inevitable. When we've reached the tipping point when your curiosity outweighs your courtesy.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: What the HELL's wrong with you Ducky? Your life is in the balance here! Huh? What did you do there?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Only what was required of me.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Are you PROTECTING this guy?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I am protecting no one Jethro. Look if you intend to unravel strings further on this matter, I would prefer you leave them unpulled.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: No.

Afghani Ambassador Qasim Saydia: Lack of respect show by you and your people, you will create an international incident.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You're the diplomat, not me.
Afghani Ambassador Qasim Saydia: Obviously. Dr. Mallard.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Ambassador?
Afghani Ambassador Qasim Saydia: Have you brought legal council?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I don't need council, I've come here to surrender.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You're forgiven.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: For the crime, Jethro. For the act, there is no forgiveness.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Legend: Part 1 (#6.22)" (2009)

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss, we've got some activity. We are not the only ones looking at Chandler. A BOLO's been issued out of Los Angeles. Nationwide alert.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: LAPD?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Negative.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Who issued the BOLO, McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: We did, Boss. It's NCIS.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Macy still the agent in charge there?
NCIS Director Leon Vance: You got a problem.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs scoffs and starts to leave] She might.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Well, you're both on the same team. Work it out.

Abby Sciuto: [Speaking of Agent Macy] You know her. Not a question, Gibbs. You know her.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You find out anything, Abs, you contact me first. And then you can send it on to her.
Abby Sciuto: Are you going somewhere?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, that's why I came down here to tell you. Los Angeles.
Abby Sciuto: Into the lioness's den?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs kisses Abby on the cheek] I'm taking McGee.
[Gibbs starts to leave]
Abby Sciuto: Gibbs... It's just... last time you guys went to LA, one of you didn't come back.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'll bring him back, Abs.
[Gibbs leaves]
Abby Sciuto: Just... make sure you bring yourself back too.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: [Over an MTAC feed] You tell Gibbs to call me when he arrives.
Special Agent Lara Macy: You can tell him yourself.
[Gibbs enters]
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hello Director Vance.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: I know how excited you two are about working together. I told Sec Nav I have my best people on this case. A lot of nervous people at the Pentagon. Don't make me come out there.

Special Agent G. Callen: Is there a reason we're not meeting in a bar right now?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well yeah, it's 10 o'clock in the morning.
Special Agent G. Callen: I don't know what's worse: getting older or getting wiser.

Special Agent Lara Macy: A word of advice, Jethro. Let me do my job.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Like you did the first time we met?
[Rises and leaves]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That is not coffee.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Honor Code (#3.7)" (2005)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Commander Tanner's been gone for 47 hours.
Ziva David: If he's not dead, he soon will be.
Timothy McGee: Maybe we can convince her to change her mind about the lawyer?
Ziva David: Oh I can convince far *more* than that.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How long?
Ziva David: Not long.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs starts to walk out. Stops] McGee you thirsty? Come on, I'll get you a cup of coffee.
[McGee and Gibbs leave the room, and close the door]
Timothy McGee: [outside] Boss, what exactly is Ziva doing in there?
[Gibbs stares at him]
Timothy McGee: I don't want to know.
[Gibbs shakes his head]
Timothy McGee: Okay.

Jenny Shepard: You think he might make another attempt to get Zach back?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: If he does, I'll be waiting for him.
Zach Tanner: My dad didn't do anything wrong!
Jenny Shepard: It's a complicated situation.
Zach Tanner: IT'S NOT!
Jenny Shepard: Zach...
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Zach, there's evidence he did something wrong.
Zach Tanner: Doesn't matter. I know in my- my stomach he didn't do anything wrong! You promised you'd bring him back to me, Gibbs. PLEASE!

Jenny Shepard: Always admired your way with children. Ever think of having any of your own?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That an offer, Jen?
Jenny Shepard: No it wasn't an offer, Jethro. It was merely an observation.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [slight pause] You know why I get along with kids so well? Because when they lie, they don't have the guile to get away with it.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Are you saying Zach is a mini-me?
Abby Sciuto: Gibbs! I am so impressed with your pop culture reference!

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You're really good with kids, ever think about having any?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Are you offering Jen?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Why can't you just say that you like my dress?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I haven't decided yet.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Immortals (#1.4)" (2003)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Seaman Russell McDonald. 19. Assigned to the USS Foster.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Destroyer. Spruance Class.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, look at that, the new kid on the block's been doin' her homework.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's a bikini. Two piece.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: A bottom. And a hat?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Puerto Rican?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Any chance you're gonna try that on?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You first!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Trust me. Not gonna fit.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Pigs. I work with pigs.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Tony] Kate is going with you.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'm sure Tony can handle this alone.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: When did an order turn into a debate?

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Reynolds says there's no known material missing, but the intel's soft. They'll continue to check.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Stay on it every five minutes.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He expressly told me to wait for his call.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, I expressly don't give a damn. Ride his ass.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [about online games] And why do they use such weird names?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: When you're a computer geek invading dungeons and fighting ogres, "Jethro" doesn't cut it.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [pause] Neither does "Tony".

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: My Other Left Foot (#1.12)" (2004)

[about a dead body]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Any more tattoos?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, just the rose on Kate's butt.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [without missing a beat] It's not a rose.

[Tony is ranting about why he can't drive the car]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You can't drive because you're not going.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh. That's different.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: His leg was found in a Clarksburgh, West Virginia trash bin early this morning.
Captain Brent Peters: Just the leg?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So far.
Captain Brent Peters: How deteriorated was the leg?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It wasn't. The M.E. estimated that he had died within the previous twenty-four hours.
[Dr. Peters gives Gibbs a confused look]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: There a problem?
Captain Brent Peters: According to his military record, PFC Doren died two years ago.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Gunny Vestman. Special Agent Gibbs.
[shows his badge]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: N.C.I.S.
Gunnery Sergeant Vestman: Recall an M.P. Gibbs. Lejeune. Long time ago.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Could be.
Gunnery Sergeant Vestman: He was high and tight.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [scratching his head] Not exactly long and shaggy, Gunny.
Gunnery Sergeant Vestman: Seen sheep dogs shorter!

[to a suspect]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Boy, oh, boy, you are good. But so are we.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Power Down (#7.8)" (2009)

Abby Sciuto: I don't understand. I mean why does Autopsy get back up power and I don't? I mean MTAC, I get that. But what does Ducky have that I don't have?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Corpses.
Abby Sciuto: I'll get some corpses.

Anthony Paxton: I told you before. My wife is the victim here.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You want answers? You're going to have to give some here.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: [Meekly] Hey Boss, I was just...
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [Sternly] ust what? Just rubbing it in? Because he left you with the paperwork earlier.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Yeah.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [Humorously] Huh?
[Normal voice]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You found anything.

Abby Sciuto: [Offering a jar to Gibbs] Smell anything?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Whiskey.
Abby Sciuto: Good.
[Takes a drink]
Abby Sciuto: It's non alcoholic, but I needed that.

Anthony Paxton: Emma had to do it, right? She didn't have a choice.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: No, she had a choice... That's what makes her a hero.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Love & War (#6.14)" (2009)

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The sadness I hear when you talk like this. You don't know who these people are. It could be a 45 year-old overweight man in Minnesota. I mean like you said, you two haven't even met yet.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: What part of "Level 5 sorceress" don't you understand?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Entering] All of it.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What do you got Abs?
Abby Sciuto: 1989's Christmas nightmare for every parent. The unattainable...
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Beary Smyles.
Abby Sciuto: My dad waited in line two hours for one on Black Friday.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Six... Christmas Eve.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So basically you got nothing.
Abby Sciuto: I've spoiled you Gibbs. You can't get an answer every time you come down here. But next time, I *will* have something.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Next time, you'll have a Caf-Pow!

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Why don't we just bring her in?
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, what are we going to put on the warrant, Probie? "Gibbs's gut?" - Not that it wouldn't be valid- I'm sure that...
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Talk to her friends.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Abby...
Abby Sciuto: '72 Skylark, custom hubcaps. I already told Tony to put out a BOLO.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. I was going to say "Nice job."
[Gibbs walks away]
Abby Sciuto: Oh...
[Dejectedly]
Abby Sciuto: Obviously not nice enough.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Fridge.
[Abby looks at the fridge and notices a Caf-Pow! Abby gasps, and goes to the fridge]
Abby Sciuto: I don't know how you did that and I don't care!
[Takes a drink]
Abby Sciuto: Thank you Gibbs!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: In the Zone (#5.15)" (2008)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: A marine was murdered on your watch.
Marine Major Ike Varnai: And I've lost two more since then. Blown away by roadside bombs. That's part of our reality out here, sir. Doesn't mean I like it.
NCIS Asst. Director Leon Vance: Thank you for your time, Major.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Marine gets murdered serving his country. He deserves a throuogh investigation.
NCIS Asst. Director Leon Vance: And he'll get one. But the Sec Nav want *us* to handle the case. Who do you think I should send?

Dina Rankin: My husband used to get these uh... gut feelings You ever had one?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [slight pause] Yeah, once or twice.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Are you nervous?
George Stenner: No. Yeah, I mean a little. Can I go to the bathroom really quick?
[rises up]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No.
George Stenner: Okay.
[sits back down. after the interview]
George Stenner: Can I just please go to the bathroom really quick?
[rises up]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No!
George Stenner: [sits back down] Okay.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nah. I'm kidding. You can go.
George Stenner: [rising up] Thanks!

Kelvin Ridgeway: Like I would assume you would complain to your wife about *this* one.
[tosses his stress ball to Ziva]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Her?
[chuckles]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh no, I wouldn't mess with her.
[rises up and leaves]
Kelvin Ridgeway: [Ridgeway chuckles] Yeah? Why would he say that?
[Ziva throws the damaged stressball back to him]

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Requiem (#5.7)" (2007)

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Jethro, just who are you trying to save?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I look at her, I see Kelly, Duck. How it should have been.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Jethro, be careful. Don't let your - Somethings *can't* be undone.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I wasn't there then, I am *now*.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Someone grabbed him vise like and SQEEEZED.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Uh, yeah. That would've been me, Duck.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [pause. Ducky and McGee exchange looks] I'll go see how the others are doing.

Maddie Tylor: I never stopped crying. Still think about her after all these years. Wonder what she'd be like.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Like you.
[Maddie smiles. Pause. tries to give Gibbs a picture of her and Kelly]
Maddie Tylor: Here you should have - you should have this.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. No. That's your memory.
Maddie Tylor: OUR memory!

Mailman: Got a registered letter for Rudi Haas.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'll sign for that.
Mailman: Uh-uh. I need to see some ID.
[Gibbs pulls back his coat showing his gun]
Mailman: I don't want to know.
[hands the package to Gibbs]

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Why do we need to know? Are we opening an investigation in to Sgt Haas?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Background check.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: On what grounds?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Stalking.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: The young woman from this afternoon. Did she file a complaint?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Is this personal, Jethro?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: If you're asking do I know her, the answer is yes. Is it personal
[look directly at Shepard]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No!
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [Gibbs leaves. slight pause. To the team] Do it!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Internal Affairs (#5.14)" (2008)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Come on, we have work to do.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: We can't investigate the FBI's case!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We're going to investigate the FBI.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: How'd you get the boat out?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Broke the bottle.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [handing Ziva a knife] The FBI car outside.
Officer Ziva David: [takes the knife and starts to leave] On it!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Just the *tires*. *Not* the *throats*!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo! Why are you touching his face?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I don't know. It's soft, like touching a bunny rabbit.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Hands Ziva his knife] The FBI car out front.
Officer Ziva David: [Takes the knife and pops the blade open, smiling] Got it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva! Their tires, not their throats.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Stakeout (#5.12)" (2008)

Captain Dean Pullman: Sorry, Gibbs. Sec Nav wouldn't let me go. Wanted to know whose bright idea it was to use top secret radar as bait.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That would be Gibbs, 2 B's.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Where's DiNozzo?
Officer Ziva David: Uh... He's, uh, got to run an errand?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never cover for me.

NCIS Intel Analyst Nikki Jardine: 4 people in my department have come down with the flu.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're in my department now.
NCIS Intel Analyst Nikki Jardine: Yes, sir.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What'd ya got?
NCIS Intel Analyst Nikki Jardine: Just a tickle at the back of my throat.

Abby Sciuto: [of McGee's demonstration] This is so great. Even Gibbs could understand this.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Oh, he does.

[as Gibbs pushes a Lego man around is desk]
NCIS Intel Analyst Nikki Jardine: Can I ask what that is?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: According to McGee, he's the guy who stole the radar.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Good Wives Club (#2.2)" (2004)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Only prints in the room were hers?
Abby Sciuto: Yeah, I'm afraid so. I found traces of cleanser on the furniture.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He's cautious.
Abby Sciuto: So am I. When I... chain guys up.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [as Gibbs chains her wrists] This is not what I had in mind, Gibbs.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You wanted a reenactment. Reenact.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I wanted to observe.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm observing.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: This is going to be useful, Abby, why?
Abby Sciuto: Gibbs, I know you know that I need a good windup before I deliver my knockout.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Just hit me with it, Baby.

[exhaustive helicopter search has failed to find victim]
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What now, Gibbs?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [sarcastically] Well, I guess we just give up, Agent Todd.

[DiNozzo and the all-seeing, all-knowing Gibbs talk on phone]
Anthony DiNozzo: I'll make, um...
[gestures an order to McGee]
Anthony DiNozzo: copies of their service photos.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo...
Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Make the copies yourself.
Anthony DiNozzo: Of course.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Frame Up (#3.9)" (2005)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ass-kissing on the Hill is a skill.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: So is castration.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I wear a cup.

Abby Sciuto: And don't worry Tony, the chances of even one of your teeth matching are like 100,000 to one.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Do it, Abby.
[the program matches all of Tony's teeth to the bite marks]

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I know what you have to do, Jethro, and I won't stop you. But officially, I am suspending you from investigating this further, and I am turning it over to the FBI.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I know... One request.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I'll see that Fornell runs the investigation. I always could read your mind.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs flashes back] Not always, Jen.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I heard you were quitting.
NCIS Special Agent David Brant: I like to refer to it as a lateral move into the recreational sector, Jethro.

FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I'll take care of him.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I know. But I wanna be kept in the loop.
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Oh, now I'm hurt. Are you saying you don't trust me?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Whoever set this up, Tobias, is a pro. If this were to go to court right now, DiNozzo would not stand a chance!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: South by Southwest (#6.17)" (2009)

Uniformed Cop #2: Special Agent Gibbs. Got a woman who insists on talking to you. Claims she's with NCIS. Real weirdo, wearing a Dracula cape and a dog collar.
[chuckles slightly]
Uniformed Cop #2: Like she'd be with you.
[Gibbs looks over and spots Abby]
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: She is.
Uniformed Cop #2: You serious?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh yeah, let her in.

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You ever talk about art?... When you weren't talking about forensic evidence, what'd you talk about?
Abby Sciuto: Well that's personal Gibbs. I feel like you're interrogating me.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I am!

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss, we got a problem. Barthomew Leming from OHS is here.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What's the problem?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: It's the *real* Barthomew Lemming. The guy we've been dealing with is an imposter.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Can you get nerve damage on your buttox?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're going to feel worse in the morning.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Don't say that Boss.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I did talk to the local sheriff - guy by the name of Clay Boyd.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [impersonating Sherriff Boyd] And he said that he was looking for her, but she, well, she just disappeared.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Disappeared?
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [continues talking in low voice] Disappeared. Like she just fell off the face of the earth. He talks just like that. That's how he talks.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [losing his patience]
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [switches to perfect english] I won't though. Says that she has a remote, mountain retreat where likes to go and paint, but he doesn't ow where it is.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to McGee] Find it, McGee.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Enigma (#1.15)" (2004)

Agent Charles: You're under arrest.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: For what?
Agent Charles: Pissing off the F.B.I.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Get used to it.

FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: If you screw me on this...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'll consider it a bonus.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Where the hell are you? Fornell's here with a warrant for your arrest!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, it's a good thing I'm not there, then.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs thought he saw a bomb.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What do you mean "thought?"
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Do I really have to say it?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Say what?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yes, Kate. Say what?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You need glasses, Gibbs. Are you happy?
[the bomb explodes]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that last part.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as they're going after Gibbs's CO] You take a shot at him, you answer to me!
[Gibbs leaves]
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I can live with that.
[pulls out his weapon]

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Endgame (#7.7)" (2009)

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Doc worked on somebody.
Ziva David: So why here, and not in a hospital.
Leon Vance: [Vance enters] Because the patient didn't want to be seen. That's why.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Director.
Leon Vance: I saw the PD report. Details I've come across before. I wanted to see for myself.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Copycat?
Leon Vance: That would be a relief.

Leon Vance: You chase somebody for almost 20 years, you start to think like them. In someways, I know Kai better than I know myself.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Coincidence, huh?
Leon Vance: Maybe. You think finding this body in my jurisdiction is coincidence?

Leon Vance: [to Gibbs] I can protect my own. I'll get Jackie and the kids on the first plane out of here.
Jackie Vance: No you won't! Cause I'm not going anywhere without you. You know, Leon, when you took this job, I knew there were risks involved. I knew I'd be watching over my shoulder everyday, but I always felt safe... until now. And yeah, this woman may have killed your partner, but you are *my* partner now. And I'm not going anywhere.
Leon Vance: [to Gibbs] Round the clock, at least two agents. Vehicle escorts too.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Done!

Abby Sciuto: Poison. Both Kai's .22 rounds and the rifle slugs were dipped in a lethal toxin called Atropa Belladona.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Never trust a beautiful woman.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: What about Vance?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Well, all of her life, she was pursued by one man. Not physically or sexually, of course, but mentally. He chased her, courted her you might say. Remember she's probably never had a relationship. She doesn't know what it's like to love or be loved. My fear now, is that she'll probably turn to him for help. I mean, in her mind, he's been her partner in all this. The one man she can count on.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Call of Silence (#2.7)" (2004)

Gibbs: Come on, Corporal. Let a Gunny buy you dinner.
Ernie Yost: You... you were never an officer?
Gibbs: Ah, hell no!
Ernie Yost: I knew there was something I liked about you.

Gibbs: Or you could just look him up under Medal of Honor recipients.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He won the Medal of Honor?
Gibbs: You don't *win* the Medal of Honor, Kate. You're awarded it, for conspicuous gallantry above and beyond the call of duty.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Coleman is going to use this to put Yost away for the rest of his life.
Anthony DiNozzo: Do we have to tell her?
Gibbs: [sarcastically] No. Here at NCIS we just report the evidence we like.

[first lines]
Henry: Gibbs.
Gibbs: Hey, morning, Henry!
Henry: That sushi place you sent me to...
Gibbs: What, you didn't like it?
Henry: I liked it fine, only you didn't tell me I had to speak Japanese to order.
Gibbs: You don't order; you eat what you're served, with a smile. Just like being married.

Gibbs: McGee. Says he's been reporting this to nine-one-one, can't get anybody to believe him.
Timothy McGee: Gee, what a surprise.
Gibbs: Trace the call. I want to hear one of them.
Timothy McGee: On it.
Gibbs: Kate. He's a former Marine. Probably, double-u double-u two. Corporal Ernest Yost. Dig up his SRV.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Got his Social Security number?
Gibbs: They didn't use them for serial numbers when he served.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: So how am I supposed to get his SRV without his serial number?
Gibbs: Well, Kate, you could ask him.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs, I doubt that he could remember his shoe size...
Gibbs: [barks an order] Corporal Yost!
Ernie Yost: Yo!
Gibbs: Serial number!
Ernie Yost: Three three zero zero nine zero *Sir*!
Gibbs: [to Kate] Or, you could just look him up under Medal of Honor recipients.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Singled Out (#4.3)" (2006)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [McGee's upset about being called Probie by Tony] McGee, how long have I been an agent?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: 16 years this month.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wanna take a wild guess what my first partner calls me?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Abby and McGee are asleep at their computers. Whispers to Abby] Your computer's on fire.
Abby Sciuto: Arrgh! McGee! My baby's french Frying!
[starts typing furiously]
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [wakes and starts typing] Checking internal core temperature!
[after a few seconds Abby turns around]
Abby Sciuto: That is so not funny, Gibbs!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't apologize, DiNozzo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Right. Sign of weakness.
Officer Ziva David: Not to mention, annoying.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You should be proud of him.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: When you left there were some rocky moments. He really held the team together.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's what I trained him to do.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I just think you should know he excelled at it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Then give him his own team Jen.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You think he's ready?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I wouldn't have quit if he wasn't.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You should tell him that.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh trust me, when DiNozzo thinks he's ready for his own team, you'll know about it. Hell, the whole world will know about it!

Officer Ziva David: [They are messing around with an aging program and are in the process of deciding who they could combine next] Do Gibbs and the Director!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [In stereo with Ziva] Do Gibbs and the Director!
[Then we see the combination of the two, which to their surprise is a good one]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Wow, even I'd date her.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never more than once, DiNozzo.
Abby Sciuto: Cool. You and the Director would make nice Gibblets.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Nine Lives (#6.5)" (2008)

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: There you go.
[Helping River's with his bloody nose]
FBI Agent Bruce Rivers: There's gonna be payback.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Sure. You lost a fight with a door. I wouldn't try to get back at Gibbs. Don't forget to ice that.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: All right Agent Gibbs, interview's over!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: What interview, Tobias?
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Hey, good luck with your investigation.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: What kind of deal?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Immediately after the trial. Kale is going to put in the witness protection program. So even if he did murder Brewer, we'll never know.
Officer Ziva David: It will be as if he never existed.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Just like Fornell wanted.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: That bust gave me a career. Meanwhile Azari quietly took over the reins. Killed at least five in his first year, probably a dozen more since.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: It's the nature of the job. You cut off one head, another grows back.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You made a mistake.
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: No. Marrying your second wife was a mistake. This
[Fornell sighs]
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Azari's long overdue, Jethro. I want this son-of-a-bitch!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Escaped (#4.2)" (2006)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after a realtor shows Fornell to Gibbs's basement] First my wife, now my house?
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Oh, no. I've learned my lesson. I'm through with your leftovers.

Mickey Stokes: [Paulsen has a gun pointed at Mickey] Whoa! Whoa! Ag - Agent Gibbs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't talk to me. I think he should shoot you... Except he's never been a killer.
[moves closer to Paulsen]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And I don't think he wants to start now.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I certainly wouldn't have let him steal MY car.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Didn't! It was DiNozzo's car!

Stanley Springer: I don't have to answer ANY MORE of your questions! No matter WHAT you say!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I got this little girl... who wants to go home to her dad... and that's not going to happen without *your* help... So... please.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [from observation] Did Gibbs just say...?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: MM-hmm.
Stanley Springer: What- what did - did you want to know? Again?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You don't want me back?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: No, I don't.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Worried you can't handle me,
[imitating Mike Franks]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Director?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: No. Afraid you won't be able to handle yourself. You've already been in two comas. You might not come out of a third. Fact is, you're good. The best. When you're as good at something, when you can make a difference like you can, you don't just quit.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Trojan Horse (#4.23)" (2007)

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [calling her private line from Paris] Hello Cynthia... hello... Cynthia?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Noooooooo...
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Jethro, I should have recognized the heavy breathing. Is the Agency intact?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I cut it up into small bits and pieces and sold it to the three letter boys.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [talking to Cynthia from Paris] Put him back on.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeeeesssss...
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Is there any serious business I should know about?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, the Buy America toilet paper doesn't fit the metric fixture and we got to turn...
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [she hangs up on him, cutting him off mid sentence]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Cynthia] She hung up on me.
Cynthia Sumner: [sarcastically] Shocking.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I had a wife like you once, Cynthia. I divorced her.
Cynthia Sumner: Beat her to it, did you?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [talking to Gibbs on the phone from Paris] Put Cynthia on.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey how's the Frog...
[long pause]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: ...legs. You always enjoyed them sauteed in butter.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [angrily] CYNTHIA NOW!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Jeopardy (#3.22)" (2006)

Officer Ziva David: Jenny can take care of herself, Gibbs. She was a good agent.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Still is!

NCIS Special Agent Cassie Yates: The only thing James loves more than money is his baby brother. As long as you've got Brian in custody, James should be easy to manipulate.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Brian Dempsey's dead. You still think he'll be easy to manipulate, Cassie?
NCIS Special Agent Cassie Yates: I'm on my way!

Cynthia Sumner: I'm NOT trying to be difficult. But the Director has been *very* clear, her schedule is confidential, even to you.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Are you done?
[Cynthia nods]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Director Shepard has been kidnapped. I need to know where she was when it happened.
Cynthia Sumner: Okay.

Officer Ziva David: Look, I know this looks bad. I also know with Brian Dempsey dead, it's nearly impossible to bring down his South African distributors, much less prosecute his brother.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's not our biggest problem here, Ziva.
Officer Ziva David: [nodding] It appears there's only one way to fix this.
[removes her gun puts it aside]
Officer Ziva David: I've seen it in your American movies.
[remove her badge, grabs Gibbs's hand and puts her badge in his hand]
Officer Ziva David: This is where I resign.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Next time you hand me your badge,
[gives her badge back]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: you had better be prepared to lose it.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Dog Tags (#5.13)" (2008)

Abby Sciuto: [to a dog] Who's a good Jethro?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering the room] I'm a good Jethro?
Abby Sciuto: Don't be mad. Be flattered. He's just so strong and handsome and silent, so I decided to call him Jethro.

Abby Sciuto: All right, I know I shouldn't have taken him without authorization. But time was of the essence. And besides, Jethro may have uncovered an important clue!
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Or maybe it's another one of his victims and he's confessing.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Or maybe it's his lunch.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Only if he's a cannibal, Jethro.
[the dog barks]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [to the dog] I wasn't talking to you.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: From his point of view, both the cocaine and the trafficker were found. Problem solved.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Is that your point of view?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I can... sympathize with the commander's point of view.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, you sympathize, I'll keep investigating!

Petty Officer Erica Perelli: [examining McGee's wounds] Looks like he bit you pretty bad.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: I've been bitten harder... by dogs. I love dogs. I'm a dog person, really.
Petty Officer Erica Perelli: What kind of dog do you have?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: I don't yet. But I might. WILL soon. Very soon. I just need to find the right girl - dog. Girl dog. I want a girl dog. I do like boys though.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering] Don't ask, don't tell, McGee.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Lt. Jane Doe (#2.4)" (2004)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You've been holding out on me, Doctor.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yes, Agent Gibbs... I have.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's not the first trident you've seen carved on the neck of a victim, is it?

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Come here. Abs, you'll need Ducky's help.
Abby Sciuto: No I won't!
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs nods in Ducky's direction. Ducky looks pitifully at the screen pics of the two victims] Abs.
Abby Sciuto: Yes I will.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to McGee who is under Abby's feet at a computer] Special Agent Goodwrench?
Abby Sciuto: [chuckles] McGee is rewiring my Hot Box.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Weak Link (#1.22)" (2004)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo, was there something in my tone of voice that made that sound like a suggestion?

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [DiNozzo sees a car he loves in the victim's garage] You're not gonna start giving me all the vital stats on this car, are you?
Anthony DiNozzo: Thunderball. She's got a...
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Let me rephrase that, DiNozzo. You're *not* going to give me the vital stats on this car.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [DiNozzo suggests she repel to get a sense of what the victim did in his last few moments of life] No. No way!
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [helping Kate in her gear] You'll do fine. Alright, push this down, and clamp it onto your harness, like that. There we go.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Okay. Remind me, this is going to help us solve the case again because...
Anthony DiNozzo: It's fun.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You want to *understand* what happened. This is how we understand.

Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to a suspect] Your track record for the truth is unimpressive.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Witch Hunt (#4.6)" (2006)

[the NCIS team storms into a room, which turns out to have a Halloween party in progress]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Federal agents!
Guy at Halloween Party: Hey guys! Great costumes, except you spelled CSI wrong on your hats.

Robert Miller: Hab SoslI Quch!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: What'd he say?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Um, boss, he said your grandmother has a smooth forehead. It's a Klingon insult.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You speak Klingon?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Not fluently, but yes.

[the M.E. van pulls up, its windshield splattered with eggs]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Sorry we're late, only we had a run-in with some local youths.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, I can see that, Doctor.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Did you get a good look at them?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Oh, we did better than that. Release the captives, Mr. Palmer!
[Palmer opens the van, letting out two teenagers in ninja outfits]
Ninja #1: Where are we?
Ninja #2: Are we in trouble?
Ninja #1: We said we were sorry!
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [handing them Windex and paper towels] Right... clean it!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nice work, Palmer.
Jimmy Palmer: Oh, it wasn't me, Tony. Dr. Mallard chased them for three blocks.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Oh, please. It's not that impressive. It's not as if they were *real* ninjas.

Ziva David: The boy saw a car leaving the scene that looked like a Karuma. I'm not familiar with the model.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: "Karuma" is Japanese for "car," Ziva.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Your description of the car is "car." Nice work, Officer David.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Karuma's the name of a car in Grand Theft Auto III. It's a Chrysler Sebring sedan.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: McGeek with the save!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Kill Ari: Part 2 (#3.2)" (2005)

[last lines]
Agent Caitlin Todd: [Gibbs is picturing Kate in the casket] You're late for my funeral, Gibbs.
Gibbs: [long pause, grins] Sorry, Kate.

Ari Haswari: I need you to commit suicide with your own rifle. You never did give me enough credit in our game. I knew it was a trap before Ziva to me you asked her to cover you. You'd never trust Ziva, and you need to kill me... taste the sweetness of revenge.
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I've killed enough men in my life, Ari. It's going to be just as sweet watching you die!

Gibbs: If I ask you something, Tobias, you gonna lie to me?
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Depends on the question.
Gibbs: What's Ari Hassari's real mission here?
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I'm gonna lie to you. Mossad lies to the CIA, they lie to us, I lie to you. I don't know who you lie to, being the bottom of the armed-fed-food-chain... and not married.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I can't believe this. I'm director less than 24 hours, and I'm back on the street.
Gibbs: Yeah, It's great isn't it?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Truth be told, I'd rather be in bed.
[Gibbs gives her a surprised look]
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Sleeping.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Hometown Hero (#2.21)" (2005)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: They're holding Petty Officer Dobbs' body for you at the Dover morgue.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I don't get it, I thought he died in combat.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I need you to take a look, Ducky.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: What do you expect me to find?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nothing. I just need to buy more time.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Oh, Jethro, I can spend forever finding nothing.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after seeing Tony's Vette destroyed on TV] Fiberglass, it's not good for boats either. Have a good weekend.

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: Dobbs died as a result of enemy fire in Iraq. What bearing does that have on a girl who was killed two years ago in Richfield, Virginia?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You can never be too thorough.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: You're pushing it, Gibbs. Why are you sticking your neck out for this guy?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Several marines witness Petty Officer Dobbs, saving lives. No one witnessed him taking one!

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: You ever think the petty officer might be guilty?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Crossed my mind.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: More than once obviously. Othewise you'd be telling me your gut says he's not guilty.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Several marine guts in Iraq saying that.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Not yours?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [pause] Yeah. Yeah. My gut says it too!
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Your gut? Or Semper Fi?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Sharif Returns (#4.13)" (2007)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [referring to Abby's tattoo decision] I don't think I'm the one to ask about this...
Abby Sciuto: But Gibbs. You know me better than anyone else. And when you're going to make a decision that's going to affect the rest of your life you need the person around you that knows you best for guidence. Please!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Where do you want to put the tattoo?
Abby Sciuto: ...Okay you're right you're not the one to ask.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: People get older realize that they want something different
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: And you can tell this just by looking into someone's eyes?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: Okay, what do you see in my eyes?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That you want me to kiss you.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: So are you going to?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: When?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: After we catch Sharif.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: That's probably a good idea.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Really 'cause I was hoping you wouldn't think that.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: No, no it's a good idea and I better go before I change my mind. You know we're a distraction to your team. We can't have anything interfering with finding Sharif.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, and we're gonna find him, then what?
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: Interfere.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva, you and Tony...
Officer Ziva David: [interrupting] run down a list of the Major's deliveries starting with the most recent.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And find out...
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [inturrupting] If any of them were BZ gas. On it boss.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: Do they always finish your sentences for you?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I teach them to anticipate.
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: Well they do it well. You must be a good teacher.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, thank you, thank you very much.

Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: Funny us running into each other like that.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Funny?
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: You have a better word?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [chuckles] A few come to mind.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Caged (#6.12)" (2009)

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [Examining a body in the field] Cuts across the upper torso. He's been stabbed multiple times. I mean -
[Ducky lifts a hand of the body]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: He's missing a middle finger. Appears to be sawed off.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: The other hand too, Duck.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [Ducky lifts the other hand] Anything else you care to tell me about this fellow, Jethro?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Dead 11 years.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: And?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: And I know who did it.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [after getting a call] Maryland's Women's Prison! Let's go.
Abby Sciuto: Wait! That's where McGee is.
[Steps in front of Gibbs]
Abby Sciuto: Is everything okay?
[Gibbs stares at her]
Abby Sciuto: Everything's not okay.
[Gibbs moves past her]
Abby Sciuto: Wait! What happened? Gibbs!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs goes back to Abby] Abby, I'll call you. All right?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Need to find his killer.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Yeah. In a room full of them.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Prison guard as an inmate.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I hear they make you Prom Queen. And every night is Prom Night.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Deception (#3.13)" (2006)

Abby Sciuto: Thank you, sir.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't call me sir.
Abby Sciuto: Yes, ma'am.

Navy Capt. Paul Martino: Are you suggesting she's somehow involved in all this? She's one of my *finest* officers!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What's next on your checklist? Or do you want me to guess?
Navy Capt. Paul Martino: We head back to the processing plant, and reschedule our delivery. You think they'll try to hit us on the way back?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I think we ought to find your missing officer before we move that train again!

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Damn it! I keep losing his connection in Madrid!
Abby Sciuto: Okay that's it! You need a break!
Special Agent Timothy McGee: We don't have time for breaks, Abby.
[Abby pushes his chair into her office]
Abby Sciuto: We don't! But *you* do!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] How many times have I told you, he's not a toy!

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Gibbs quickly accelerates the car] Where we going now Boss?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The mall!
Officer Ziva David: And they have a problem with MY driving?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Legend: Part 2 (#6.23)" (2009)

Special Agent Lara Macy: Officer David was sent back to Israel last year.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Are you asking me do I trust her? Because the answer is yes, with my life.
Special Agent Lara Macy: You don't think I'm very good at this do you?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The Director must or you wouldn't be doing this job.
Special Agent Lara Macy: You shouldn't judge me on past performances. It was 18 years ago.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What'd you find?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Whose boat is this?
Special Agent Mike Renko: I have no idea.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey! Sand *with* the grain Renko.
Special Agent Mike Renko: You've done this before?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah.

Special Agent Lara Macy: If you were Rivkin, where would you be?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I wouldn't be far. I'd want to finish the job.
Special Agent Lara Macy: At our expense. If we're going to find their target, and their support team, we need at least one of them alive.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. He doesn't think that way.
[Gibbs starts to leave]
Special Agent Lara Macy: Where the hell are you going?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'll let you know when I get there.

Mossad Officer Michael Rivkin: We fight the same fight. Only ours began at Auswitz.I have 6 million uniforms. Every one is different.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I got one.
[Rivki goes to his car]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva David. She works for me.
Mossad Officer Michael Rivkin: Shalom.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Hiatus: Part 2 (#3.24)" (2006)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I was angry at Mike. I never understood how he could quit... until now.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [getting frustrated] What can I do?
Officer Ziva David: [grabbing the sides of his face with her hands] Remember.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I've been trying to since I woke up in this room!
Officer Ziva David: Well try harder!
Officer Ziva David: [Gibbs glares at her] Good. That's a start.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What is?
Officer Ziva David: The old Gibbs stare! You gave it all of us! McGee, Tony, me!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [yells] What are you talking about?
Officer Ziva David: [Ziva grabs Gibbs's hand, and uses it to slap the back of her head. Gibbs has a flashback of head-slapping her] Ari... Ari killed Kate.
[Gibbs has another flashback, remembering Kate's shooting]
Officer Ziva David: [starts to cry] And I... I killed Ari.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [remembers Ari's shooting] Your brother?
Officer Ziva David: [between sobs] Yes.
Officer Ziva David: You killed your brother... to save me.
[Ziva openly cries, Gibbs hugs her]

[Gibbs has amnesia. Franks has brought him a steak in the hospital courtyard]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [not remembering] Nine-eleven?
NIS Agent Mike Franks: September 11, 2001.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, Boss, it's '96, and you just retired.
[takes a bite of his steak]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Damn, this is good. I owe you. Had to be a hijacking, huh? They never change security until it's too late.
[Franks pauses, and lights a cigarette]
NIS Agent Mike Franks: Al-Qaeda hijacked 4 airliners. Two hit the World Trade Center, one the Pentagon. Fourth was to take out the White House. Some gutsy passengers fought 'em, they went down in Pennsylvania. Twin Towers are gone. Pentagon's fixed. Three thousand-some dead, nearly as many wounded.
[Gibbs gets up, runs to the trash can, and vomits]
Nurse Maria Baliad: Sir, are you all right?
NIS Agent Mike Franks: He's okay. Got some bad news.

[Deputy Director Welsh is refusing to call off a boarding even after Gibbs informs him that there is a bomb waiting to blow a ship up]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Is *everyone* up there as *stupid* as you!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: About Face (#5.17)" (2008)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He's not a field agent.
NCIS Assistant Director Leon Vance: He's a member of your team.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He works for Ducky.
NCIS Assistant Director Leon Vance: Ducky works for you.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Something *bugging* you, Leon?
NCIS Assistant Director Leon Vance: Yeah. Director's back end of the week. I wanna go home. I miss my kids. I miss San Diego. Missed my *damned* flight because of this case. I just want it solve it so I can leave!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Works for me!

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: How is Mr. Palmer?... I really miss his assistance. You never fully appreciate someone until they're not here.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hah, he'll be all right.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Jimmy may not have had a good look at the shooter, but I fear the shooter may have had a good look at him.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Duck, you let me worry about the shooter.

Jimmy Palmer: How do you do it?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hmm?
Jimmy Palmer: Block out the fear.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You don't. It's what you do with it.

[Jimmy pulls up to a suspect's home after being told to stay at NCIS]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What are you doing here?
Jimmy Palmer: I thought I could help.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What part of stay don't you understand? Stay! You stay in the car!
[while Gibbs and the team are busy Jimmy notices the suspect about to escape and rams his car]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after disarming the suspect] What the hell was that?
Jimmy Palmer: I did *not* get out of the car.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Grace Period (#4.19)" (2007)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [walks in on Abby and McGee Hugging] I'm not even gonna ask.
Abby Sciuto: [jumps up from hug] Technically it was a squatting hug, or squg.

NCIS Special Agent Paula Cassidy: I should've gone in with those guys!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, yeah. Then you'd be *dead* too. It was an ambush, there was nothing you could've done.
NCIS Special Agent Paula Cassidy: Would you feel the same way if it was your team?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yes I would.
NCIS Special Agent Paula Cassidy: [pause nodding her head] I have tough time believing that, Gibbs!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah well the difference between us, Paula. Is I wouldn't stop to grieve until I put bastards responsible for this in the ground!... What about you?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [just arriving at his desk] This better not be another recall drill! I had floor seats for the Wizards this afternoon
Officer Ziva David: It's Agent Cassidy's team out of the Pentagon, Tony.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: They were attacked.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She okay?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: She survived.
Officer Ziva David: Her men *weren't* as lucky.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What the hell happened?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] We're going to find out, DiNozzo! Grab your gear!
[they don't react]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: GRAB YOUR GEAR!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I didn't bring you here for security.
NCIS Special Agent Paula Cassidy: I know I made a mistake but...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Say a prayer for your team, Cassidy. *We'll* do the heavy lifting.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Inside Man (#7.3)" (2009)

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hey Boss, you ever fail your polygraph?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope. Never took one.

Abby Sciuto: [DiNozzo and McGee enter the lab] You're out!
[to Gibbs]
Abby Sciuto: Did you know?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Director handled it. Way above my paygrade. Don't get too comfortable boy. We've got a search team to organize.

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss, I better go down, reschedule this polygraph test.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't bother, McGee. Nothing wrong with the first one.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: What do you mean?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I think you made an impression on the examiner.
[McGee looks confused]
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I think she made an excuse to see you again.
[McGee still looks confused]
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You want me to draw you a picture?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [McGee understands] No. I'm going to handle her boss.

Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: [Ziva hands Gibbs some papers] I need your signature on this. I want to be an NCIS Agent.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't even know if that's possible. You would have to resign from Mossad.
Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: Already have. Sent my father an email.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What's he think about that?
Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: Does not matter.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Curse (#1.5)" (2003)

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: RIO?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Radar Intercept Officer. Also called a GIBs, one B, short for Guy In Back.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why do you need two Bs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Second one's for bastard.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tony, what time did the schmuck's report say the dispersing office was robbed?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What schmuck?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, our schmuck, unfortunately.

Abby Sciuto: You went to see Ducky before you came to see me!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Is there some kind of priority here I don't know about?
Abby Sciuto: A girl likes to be thought of first.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [speaking of Martinez] Since it was his hottie working here, you should have looked into him.
Richard Owens: You're right, sir.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Do not "sir" me, I work for a living.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Family (#5.2)" (2007)

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [after an autopsy] I apologize for not seeing it sooner.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You know how I feel about apologies.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yes. Well, you... may want to make an exception in this case.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Do I need to send you two back to the men's room?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hey! She followed me in there!
Officer Ziva David: Only because you wouldn't talk to me!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Gibbs stares them down] Shutting up, Boss.

Abby Sciuto: The prints were made by a residue of polysaccharide dust derived from beta-glucose. What makes it interesting, is the backbone of D-xylopyranose, linked with eight xylose units... Panda poop.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Panda?
Abby Sciuto: Poop. Which is why it fluoresces, like all other poop does. What makes it really, really interesting... is the sodium hydrochloride: a.k.a. Chlorine bleach.
Abby Sciuto: [pause] I, lost you at "poop", huh.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Uh huh.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Dead Man Walking (#4.16)" (2007)

Lt. Roy Sanders: Lieutenant Roy Sanders, sir. I need you to investigate a murder.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Whose?
Lt. Roy Sanders: [pulls out some of his own hair] Mine.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sanders know he's still being poisoned?
Officer Ziva David: Not yet. I'm worried it will increase his stress.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Your call. Stick with him, Ziva.
Officer Ziva David: Like tattoos on Abby.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Can't die unless you see a lawyer.
[walks away]
Officer Ziva David: Hey!
[Gibbs turns around]
Officer Ziva David: He might not die. May pull through.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Forced Entry (#2.9)" (2004)

[McGee is innocently drinking coffee that Tony gave him without mentioning that it belongs to Gibbs]
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Enjoying that coffee, McGee?
Timothy McGee: Uh, yeah!
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's not too hot?
Timothy McGee: [pause] It's your coffee. I'm, uh... Sorry, Boss. I'll get you another one.
[to Tony and Kate]
Timothy McGee: Thanks.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Yeah, maybe next time you should remember Rule Twenty-Three.
Tony DiNozzo: Is that the one about not marrying a woman who eats more than you do?
Marine Sgt. Chris Hegarty: You never mess with a Marine's coffee, if you want to live, Agent DiNozzo.
Tony DiNozzo: [laughs] That's right.
[as McGee leaves]
Tony DiNozzo: Dead man walking!

[McGee is hacking into the computer of an adult website.]
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How long is this going to take?
Timothy McGee: Wha... there's a number of different variables--code complexity, accuracy of the logs, software...
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You have one hour.
Timothy McGee: Or... one hour.

[last lines]
Tony DiNozzo: Yep, it's amazing what you can do with computers these days, Kate.
Timothy McGee: Sure is, Tony. Hey, I've, uh, got a little somethin' you might be interested in.
Tony DiNozzo: Who's this supposed to be?
Timothy McGee: I tracked down your cyber babe for you. Hot Jugs 24.
[McGee shows picture of big, bald, tattooed dude in undershirt. Kate laughs]
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, she's a real keeper, DiNozzo.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: I wonder if he wears a sports bra.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Red Cell (#2.20)" (2005)

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [watching DiNozzo from observation] What kind of interogation technique is that?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The DiNozzo method. Not pretty, but it's effective.

Sgt. Leeka: [after Gibbs fends off an attack and hits Leeka] Not bad Agent Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'd give up now, it's only going to get worse.

[last lines]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Some how I don't remember college being quite like this.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Reminds me of time at Ohio State, we had this frat guy who...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [bloody and out of breath from a fight] The next person who mentions the Spring Break, or a frat party, or *College*... is fired! Are we clear?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yes.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Conspiracy Theory (#2.19)" (2005)

Lt. Cmdr. Allan Witten: I have a degree in Clinical Psychology. Do you have *any* expertise in the area, Agent Gibbs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. No I do not... just a BS meter.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What are you doing here Tobias?
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Can't an old friend just stop by?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well you are old, I'll give you that.

FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Now why don't I believe that?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Mostly because I'm a bastard.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Switch (#3.5)" (2005)

Abby Sciuto: Gibbs, it might not be rigged with a bomb, per se. I love saying per se. It's one of those phrases no one really knows what means, but you use it anyway, 'cause... Am I off topic again?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You may be.

Special Agent Ziva David: Just to be clear, are there any more of these*rules* I should be aware of?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: About 50 of them.
Special Agent Ziva David: [disbelieving chuckle] And I don't suppose they're written down *anywhere* that I could -...
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No.
Special Agent Ziva David: [getting angry] Then how am I supposed to - ?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: *My* job is to teach them to you!

Abby Sciuto: Good news and bad news, Gibbs. Good news is I'm still cute. Bad news, the bomb squad got a little trigger happy.
[holds up the remains of the box]
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: They blew up the metal box.
Abby Sciuto: Do you have any idea what's beyond smithereens?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not a clue.
Abby Sciuto: Me neither. That's what we've got.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Blowback (#4.14)" (2007)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Some people need someone to hate.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Not me.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Then you should've let Ziva take the shot.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hell, DiNozzo, you were following orders. I'd have done the same thing.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Really?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You would've lied to Mike Franks?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Don't get cute, Officer David! I'm saying there had to be a better way! Right, Tony?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's right Director, they could've
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Shot him.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's right. They could've shot him.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Of course, in a high octane situation, Ziva reverts back to her Mossad training, and probably would've put a round through his heart.
Officer Ziva David: Three rounds.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And McGee not to be outdone would've
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Added three more.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: See? There you go. Six rounds same result one dead Mr. Hurley.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Under Covers (#3.8)" (2005)

FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: The directors get to save face and we -
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Get the job done.
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: And people say we're bastards?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Only because they know us.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're not the only one around here who knows how to play politics.
Jenny Shepard: [slight chuckle] You're not serious. Your idea of politics usually involves some form of physical violence.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well you know what they say, Jen. Can't make an omelet unless you break a few eggs.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're damn lucky we didn't blow these two away!
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Which wouldn't have happened if you hadn't strayed into our jusidiction!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Conference room. Now!
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: So eager to play with the big boys.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Big boys my ass!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Twisted Sister (#4.9)" (2006)

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss? Why do you have my sister's cell phone?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I have a better question for you. What's your sister's cell phone doing on *my* dead body?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: [after McGee's given his badge/gun to the Director] Boss, don't try to talk me out of...
[Gibbs slaps the back of McGee's head]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never let *anyone* manipulate you like that!
[moves in closer]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not even the Director!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, I've been looking all over the building for you.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Well, since we're low on agents, I thought I would give Abby a hand.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The only reason we're low on agents is because you sent DiNozzo home.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: There's no sense in getting us all sick...
Abby Sciuto: [as Gibbs] "Next time you send one of my team home, you clear it with me first, Director!"
[as Jenny]
Abby Sciuto: Oh, I didn't know I needed your permission to manage my own personnel, Agent Gibbs!"
[as Gibbs]
Abby Sciuto: "*Your* personnel?"
[as Jenny]
Abby Sciuto: "Last time I checked, it said Director on *my* door, not yours!"
[to both of them, as herself]
Abby Sciuto: The kids don't like it when Mommy and Daddy fight.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Knockout (#6.18)" (2009)

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hi Boss. I lost my - you were going to say "mind" or "marbles" but, uh, I lost my...
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Job.

NCIS Director Leon Vance: I understand you might feel your toes being stepped on, Agent Gibbs. Me handing out assignments to your team.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Not taking it personally.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Are you suggesting I am?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Are you?
NCIS Director Leon Vance: [to McGee who's standing next to him] May I have the room please.
[McGee leaves, Leon sits down then to the people in MTAC]
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Both rooms.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [smacks DiNozzo] Snap out of it!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I have no responce to that.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Silver War (#3.4)" (2005)

[after Gibbs has allowed Ziva to stay on the team]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: While you're here, you will be an observer. Hand over all your weapons.
Officer Ziva David: [small laugh] You're kidding, right?
[Gibbs stares. After a moment, she unloads her pistol and hands it to Gibbs, who puts it in his drawer]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: And your back-up.
Officer Ziva David: [coyly] What back-up?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [deadpan] Left leg.
Officer Ziva David: [removes ankle holster] Ah. That one.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: And the concealed knife on your belt.
[Annoyed, Ziva removes the knife and hands it to Gibbs. He looks at it and hands it back to her]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: That you can keep.
[leans in close to her ear as he passes her]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I just wanted you to know that I know.

Officer Ziva David: [putting her finger through a hole in the brim of her hat] Why does my hat have a 9mm hole in it?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Ventilation.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: She nearly killed my team driving home from a crime scene. talking about Ziva
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I should have warned you. She may have been an Eastern European cab driver in a past life.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: She knows nothing about being a criminal investigator.
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I knew nothing when I first started at NCIS.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Well, you were always a fast learner Jen. Brief flashback to when they were in London

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Kill Ari: Part 1 (#3.1)" (2005)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That bastard already killed one of my people, he's trying to kill more! I'll tell you something else, no suit with a tight sphincter is getting in my way, and that includes you, Jen.

[after each sees the other with a woman they don't know]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You first.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ziva David. She's here to stop you from wacking Ari. Yours?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Director Jenny Shepard. Same mission.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Are you going to have a problem taking orders from me?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: As Director or as a woman?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Either.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Family Secret (#3.16)" (2006)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abbs.
Abby Sciuto: Equatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [looking for additional information on the search for a suspect's car] And?
Anthony DiNozzo: And we - we can't find it. Uh, but we're not going to give up until we do.
Timothy McGee: [adds] Or die trying.
[Ziva looks at McGee like, "Say What?"; Tony looks at McGee like, "You Didn't"; Gibbs walks away]
Anthony DiNozzo: "Or die trying!"? You had to put *that* in his head?

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva caved first.
Special Agent Ziva David: I didn't cave in! I was trying...
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: McGee next.
Timothy McGee: Yeah but, Boss, it wasn't what it...
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And my loyal Saint Bernard held out till last.
Anthony DiNozzo: Well, I...
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Probably all of thirty seconds. So - what is my team? In fact, can I call you my team?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Leap of Faith (#5.5)" (2007)

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [watching the Agents argue over suspects] What about rule 15: Always work together.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not *this* time.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [watching McGee in interrogation] Well McGee's got your mad act down.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Almost.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: No one could've saved him, Jethro. He was dead the moment he stepped out on that ledge.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That what I tell his sister?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Road Kill (#6.10)" (2008)

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as DiNozzo's helping McGee make a face] Would you two like some time alone?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Uh, no boss. We were just...
Mossad Liaison Officer Ziva David: Acting like children.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You say that like it's a bad thing.

NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Describing suspect on the phone] He's 23, 6 foot 3 inches, 210 pounds, light brown hair, blue eyes and a barb wire tattoo on his left bicep. He was last seen...
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Standing right behind you, DiNozzo.

NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Hey Boss?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yes, McGee?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [slight pause] You ever lost a fight?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not sure I even ever won one.
Abby Sciuto: [aside to McGee] Definitely a Gibbs clone.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Head Case (#3.15)" (2006)

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Do you think it would be inappropriate if, as Director, I went in there and smacked that smile off her face?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [chuckles] Yeah, it would. But that's what you have me for.

Abby Sciuto: We found traces of blood on three of the knives we got from Martin Boussard's room.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: And all three came back the same type.
Officer Ziva David: Captain Wayne's?
Abby Sciuto: Nope.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard, Abby Sciuto: Chicken.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Well, it's not an uncommon substance to find at a voodoo ritual.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah or at a KFC.

Abby Sciuto: I found calcium which is present in human bones, but no phosphorus.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Which means?
Abby Sciuto: There really is no foreplay with you, is there, Gibbs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What, you been talking to my ex-wives again?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Meat Puzzle (#2.13)" (2005)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [a particularly uncooperative mother of a suspect is blocking a doorway] I have the right to break down that door, and *anything* in my way.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Illya Kuryakin.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs? What did Ducky look like when he was younger?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [straight-faced] Illya Kuryakin.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Boxed In (#3.12)" (2006)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't apologize. It's a sign of weakness.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You ever had a conversation in the head, McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: One time I did. The person I was talking to was so distracted my shoes, they kinda got -
[Gibbs slaps the back of his head]

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Collateral Damage (#6.7)" (2008)

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I prefer to choose my own team.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Just like you chose Special Agent Langer? That didn't work out very well, did it?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You want to hear me say I made a mistake about Langer?

NCIS Director Leon Vance: Our agents should look more like McGee than they do DiNozzo.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: More like you than like me.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Bait (#3.18)" (2006)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't trust anything controlled by a video game's man.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Everybody's okay, Boss.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well that's good to hear, Special Agent Gibbs.
Kody Meyers: Your agent says he's a negotiator.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, that's right. He's my best man.
Kody Meyers: Your best man's a moron for getting caught in here.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: He always had an attitude problem.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Dead and Unburied (#4.5)" (2006)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: McGee, over here.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: You're not going to step on me are you?
[looks up at Gibbs]
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Footprints right... footprints... footprints... looking for footprints... It's a pretty tight weave...
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Looks like Sisal. It's a naturally stiff fiber woven from the leaf of the cactus plant. It doesn't matt, trap dust, build static, makes it ideal for carpeting. Personally I prefer a good shag.
[Gibbs and McGee just look at him while Palmer grinning like a loon]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: uh... From uh... criminal investigative standpoint.

Abby Sciuto: [discussing a murder victim's clothes] His underwear are boxer briefs, like you wear, Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're fishing, Abbs.
Abby Sciuto: So, are they regular boxers? Trunks? Bikinis? Nothing?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Missing (#1.20)" (2004)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tony, as far as I'm concerned, you're irreplaceable.
Tony DiNozzo: I knew it, heh. I knew behind the whole Marine thing you really are... at heart...
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as he walks by McGee who's sitting at DiNozzo's desk] Forget about it, McGee. He's still alive.

[last lines]
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Forget about it, McGee. He's still alive.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Dead Man Talking (#1.19)" (2004)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [has his weapon pointed at the head of Amanda Reed] His name was Special Agent Chris Pacci. And he was a friend.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Problemo?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well, you really want to do that to McGee? Special Agent Bligh...
[gesturing to DiNozzo]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: ...here is going to eat him alive.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: McGee looks up to me, as a mentor.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Ugh.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You want to be stuck in a cramped apartment with DiNozzo? Be my guest.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: On the other hand, it'll help McGee build character.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: An Eye for an Eye (#2.17)" (2005)

[Gibbs enters squad room to see what his team has found out]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Anybody! Talk to me.

[Abby and Ducky are in her lab, talking to Gibbs on the phone. Ducky starts to report, then remembers his manners]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I'm sorry. Ladies first.
Abby Sciuto: That is so sweet!
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: It's a pleasure, I'm sure.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Today, Abby!

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Friends & Lovers (#4.15)" (2007)

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [as McGee is getting into a club to his status as an author] I gotta write a book.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You should read one first.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [McGee, Ziva, Abby, and Lee have pulled up to the bar] McGeek?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No! A very famous novelist, Thom E Gemcity.
Metro Police Detective John Carson: Who?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Don't ask, John. I'd vomit explaining.

---

"JAG: Ice Queen (#8.20)" (2003)

Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.: [Being interrogated by Gibbs about Singer's murder, quoting President Clinton] I did not have sex with that woman.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's not the best choice of words there, Lieutenant.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.: How long you been doing this, Gibbs?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: 19 years.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.: Can you tell somebody's lying by looking them in the eye.
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I can.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.: Well, look into mine. Ask me. Ask me!
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Would you kill for your brother?

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Split Decision (#1.21)" (2004)

DiNozzo: [Tony gets off elevator, spots McGee at computer] McGee, are you nuts?
Timothy McGee: What?
DiNozzo: You're at Gibbs's desk, touching his computer! That's like touching... the Ark of the Covenant!
Timothy McGee: Gibbs knows I'm doing this.
DiNozzo: He said you could use his computer?
Timothy McGee: Uh huh.
DiNozzo: Really! You know, when mine fried, he wouldn't let me touch his.
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering from offscreen] 'Cause your fingers were always greasy from fried chicken and pizza.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [in a three way stand off with DiNozzo and Stone] All right, drop it.
A.T.F. Special Agent Malina Stone: You drop it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're out numbered.
A.T.F. Special Agent Malina Stone: I could still kill him.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Go ahead.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Ravenous (#3.17)" (2006)

Special Agent Ziva David: [as they're about to search for a suspect] Gibbs, I d be better suited if I actually went
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We're taking him alive! Let's roll!
[Gibbs, DiNozzo and McGee leave]
Park Ranger Bobby Hendricks: I hate it when men try to protect you because you're female.
Special Agent Ziva David: Oh, he's not trying to protect *me*. He's afraid I'll kill Rowan before he tells us where the girl is.

[a group of new agents have been assigned to observe an autopsy]
Officer Ziva David: We had this same test at Mossad. If you fail, they terminate you.
Agent Anthony 'Tony' DiNozzo: How do you fail an autopsy?
[one of the junior agents vomits]
Officer Ziva David: By doing that. What happens if you fail the autopsy here?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering] I don't know, Officer David. Some of them go on to become our director.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Witness (#2.14)" (2005)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [McGee is standing over a perp, about to shoot him] McGee! If you're gonna shoot him, you should have done it *while* he was runnin'.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibss turns and walks away] Any more food fights in here, and I'm joining in... with *peas*.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Frozen peas?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope. In the can.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Capitol Offense (#6.3)" (2008)

NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Trust .. loyalty. They're important.
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Guess after today you know all about that. ... How are we going to do in that department?

NCIS Director Leon Vance: [after receiving voicemail on the case] If there's anything you'd like to tell me *now* would be a good time.
[Gibbs heads for the door]
NCIS Director Leon Vance: Where the hell are you going?
[Gibbs opens the door Senator Kiley enters]
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Director Vance meet Senator Kiley.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Driven (#4.11)" (2006)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ducky won't be here. He's gotta take his mom to the hospital.
Jimmy Palmer: Is Victoria all right?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well she cut herself shaving, and for some reason he thinks you can handle this?

Abby Sciuto: [after Gibbs saves her life] Permission to hug?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You never have to ask.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Suspicion (#4.12)" (2007)

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Deputy, please remove your trousers.
Deputy Tyler Barrett: [scoffs] You know what? Screw you, McGee!
Sheriff Tom Barrett: Tyler...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: If you prefer, I can have Officer David remove them for you.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Vanished (#2.3)" (2004)

[last lines]
Agent Caitlin Todd: [Tony sent Kate flowers to apologize for "a tough couple of days"] Tony, I'm blown away. They're gorgeous. And they're from Martha's Garden, my favorite florist! How'd you know?
Agent Anthony 'Tony' DiNozzo: Lucky guess!
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering] He went through your purse and got the phone number off your P.D.A.
[Tony chuckles, Kate is furious again, Gibbs laughs]

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Terminal Leave (#2.6)" (2004)

Abby Sciuto: She sent me highly encrypted j-pegs. Public key's got 64 numbers. It took me longer to input the password than it took the program to decrypt the cyphertext.
[Gibbs looks a question]
Abby Sciuto: Umm... machine making pretty pictures now?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Aah.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Skeletons (#4.17)" (2007)

Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: The last thing I recall you saying as you were slinking out...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't slink.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Cover Story (#4.20)" (2007)

[discussing first half of McGee's second book, which Tony and Ziva have read]
Abby Sciuto: All right, let's hear it.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hear what?
Abby Sciuto: The book! At the end of Deep Six, goth forensic specialist "Amy Sutton" broke up with her boyfriend because she was digging someone else. Who's the somebody else?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, no, that part didn't really come up yet.
Officer Ziva David: Yeah, I think he's planning on revealing it, uh, um, you know, in the second part of the book.
Abby Sciuto: You guys are so lying.
[gasps]
Abby Sciuto: He's gay! The somebody else. I had a feeling, because Amy always wants what Amy cannot have. Does she know?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Does who know?
Abby Sciuto: Forensic specialist Amy, she fell in love with a gay guy, Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Is that why I'm here?
Abby Sciuto: No.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Then Amy's on her own.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: The Voyeur's Web (#3.6)" (2005)

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: The boys down at tech call her "Energizer Abby". She needs an assistant.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: She works her best alone. Something you should ask her about.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Iced (#3.19)" (2006)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Two kids found the First Sergeant floating under six inches of ice.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ice, that means...
Officer Ziva David: You're going to make a really juvenile cold case joke?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's a really good one, too.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Bête Noire (#1.16)" (2004)

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: He knows we're on to him.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Once a Hero (#4.8)" (2006)

[a banquet hall has become a crime scene]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo, stop eating the evidence.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Bikini Wax (#2.18)" (2005)

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [discussing the crime scene] It's a public restroom, Boss. It's really disgusting.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It could be worse.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: How could it be worse?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Could be a men's room.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Designated Target (#5.8)" (2007)

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after noticing lipstick on McGee's collar] Good for you, Tim. Good for you. Just don't ever get married.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Mind Games (#3.3)" (2005)

Kyle Boone: Hey, you think she screamed when he cut her tongue out, Gibbs?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself?
[Paula Cassidy appears in the corridor. Boone's eyes widen]
NCIS Special Agent Paula Cassidy: I'm afraid your lawyer's going to miss your execution tomorrow.
Tony: He's kind of dead.
[Boone is speechless]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Enjoy Hell.
[Boone is dragged away by the guards, screaming]

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Caught on Tape (#2.15)" (2005)

David Runion: [Gibbs snuck up behind a hiding suspect] How, how'd ya?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sneak up on you like that?
David Runion: Yeah.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Used to do it for a living. Back then you'd be dead, instead of under arrest... Any other questions?
David Runion: Unt-ah.

---

"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Agent Afloat (#6.2)" (2008)

Navy Captain Richard Owens: Are you telling me this guy may be launching a biological attack on *my* carrier?
NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's what we're here to find out.

---